Earthquakes

 I live over a fault line in San Francisco.  April is Earthquake month.  Am I prepared?  Well, on the level of foodstuffs and what to turn off and such, yes.  But for the rest of my life, not so much.  I live too much down the road.  Earthquakes take out the road, real or imagined.  We already had an earthquake this month.  It reminds me that I need to ask what am I doing today, instead of being a Scarlett O’Hara, and saying I will think about that tomorrow or down the road.  I will go to a meeting some other day.  I will pray some other day.  I will call so and so some other day and so it goes.  Life lived tomorrow.  So I write this blog today so you can have something in the now.  I feel so good about myself, I will now go off and read the Sports pages.  

Listening

 One of the beat things about listening to someone else is that it can break the stranglehold of self-centeredness.  I find that spiritual paths that focus on sanity, surrender and service, the “Three S’s” are very good for getting me out of myself.  So I try to be a good listener when I know that someone is trying for self-expression, or to untangle emotions, for instance.  On my better days I will even put down the Sports Pages, my breakfast bible, and listen.  If I wish the person would finish so I could get on with my important day, saving the world or whatever, then I am not listening.  Looks can fade and strength can fade, but being a good listener can be an always thing.  And can keep you attractive, or at least worth keeping around!  

Erasure

 If you write something down with a pencil on a piece of paper and then erase it, there is still some mark where the writing was.  It is clearly visible but still there.  Oh, for those who don’t write or don’t write with a pencil, the erasure is at other opposite end of the pointy part.  I digress.  Anyhow, I hope that I can be the kind of person that when I am gone from someone, though my presence is erased from their mind, I leave some good impression.  Like a blog that you read and then forget it.  But you remember it was good at the time.  Or it was so stupid and shallow that you cannot fully erase it from your mind.  Let us try to leave good impressions.  

The Killer

 If you offer an alcoholic in recovery a drink of alcohol, they will refuse.  It is not a choice.  Alcohol will kill them.  Why?  Because they cannot drink just a little.  Would you in-jest something that would kill you?  Not if you are sane.  Someone with a height phobia would not go near a high cliff.  They have a propensity to jump or get dizzy and fall off.  If you have the propensity to check your phone while driving, you would leave it in a bag or out of reach or just turn it off.  The life you save might not be just your own.  So too it is with foods.  Once you know, you know.  Second chances don’t always end in survival.  

Elsewhere

 Some of us like to live in “elsewhere.”  We don’t much care for the real, our real.  Elsewhere is found through fantasy, drugs and alcohol, entertainment centers or events.  Elsewhere can become addictive.  You will know this if you find yourself pretty much escaping your reality when not doing a focused activity.  Walking down the street is an example.  Did you see the flower just blooming today?  No.  You were there but then not really.  An attempt at meditation can bring us suddenly to elsewhere.  How did I get there?  I was trying to not pay attention to thoughts or to have a “spiritual” thought.  If we are comfortable with our real life then elsewhere may be just a now and again thing, a brief respite, a concert or movie.  But beware.  It can be addictive.  

Baptism

Today is the Anniversary of my Baptism into the Catholic Church.  It came about four weeks after I was born, and was at St. Frances of Rome Church in the Bronx.  Though I drifted off now and again, I am thankful that I am a Catholic.  It gives meaning to my life.  If the Catholic Church were perfect it would not want me.  I am always a work in progress, trudgingly slow much of the time.  I like the use of created things to express the spiritual.  Oil, water, candles, incense, bread, wine, and the physical actions that give expression to what we are doing in our worship.  We wear certain clothes at certain times to express what we are doing.  Things express meanings of the heart.   And when I mess up, backslide, I know that I am still loved, if not by me, but by my God, who died on a cross to show me love.  “Come to me all you who find life burdensome, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon yourself and learn from me for I am gentle and humble of heart.”  Jesus said that.  

Public Wearing

 When I walk around the streets of San Francisco or on public transport, I can wear my clerical collar.  I identify as a “clergy person.”  But that is just outside stuff.  Without a spiritual life of some depth, I have but an “outside” appearance.  I want my insides to reveal what I am supposed to believe.  The insides will reveal themself according to my prayer life.  If I am in touch with a spiritual power that I believe dwells within, this will be revealed the way I am with others, especially people I do not know.  Are those around me, or in a meeting or on a bus, strangers or are they part of myself?  Meditation points outs my shortcomings that make people remain strangers, but then can give me the power to treat them as part of myself.  

Ignorance

 Ignorance usually precedes boasting.  We think we can do something we cannot.  The ignorance often hides our sense of fear or cowardice.  It hides our sense of self-preservation.  So we say we will accomplish this or do that, but when the time comes we renege.  Peter saying he would die for Jesus is a famous example.  A spiritual path will reveal that which hid in our darkness.  You face your real self not the false one you show to the public.  Recovery programs do this.  Through self-examination a person discovers their inventory of strength and weakness.  They ask for “courage” to change.  They do not assume they have built in courage.  Ignorance is anathema to recovery.  Meditation, thought by newbies to be soothing, often reveals to us stuff we did not know was there, the darkness that trips us up.  Alone, we can do nothing much against this ignorance.  So we seek a power that knows us and can help us.  

Who Leaves and Stays

 It seems that I try to leave God on a too regular basis.  Skip prayer for some “urgent” something, or too much agenda of good deeds to pray and meditate.  This is all about self-will and ego energy.  I am at the “should stage” in these moments.  I have enough sense to know I should not skip prayer, but do it anyway.  The Good News is that God does on leave me.  Maybe it is like my blogs.  You skip them for more urgent things, but I keep putting them out there.  

Living Together

 I don’t have to go very far to find ways to be of service, to be helpful right in my own home rectory here in San Francisco.  I live mostly with old men.  I am one of us.  I try not to leave things undone for someone else to come along and do what I did not do.  And when I find things not quite right, I try to fix, rearrange, make neat, without whining or judging.  If I can get through the day judgment free and whining free, it is a good day.  

A Daily Prayer

 A good daily prayer is to ask God, your Power, to show you some truth about yourself.  So you keep an even keel, you might be shown some defect of character that you ignore or don’t see in yourself.  This may come when you are judging others, or full of your own self-importance.  Or you might be shown something very good that you did not notice or forgot about yourself, when you are having a down time.  Trust God will keep you in balance.  It takes courage to want truth revealed about oneself.  Courage is to change the things I can.  

Personal Trainers

 Many people have personal trainers or belong to a group with a trainer.  You believe in the trainer and what good they can do and want for you.  Belief is not the issue once you find the trainer.  The problem is that you cannot get the trainer to do what you want.  Like what?  Days off from scheduled sessions for no good reason but a whim, or desire for some self-indulgence.  Fewer reps.  Skip some exercises you don’t like.  The trainer will have none of this.  You don’t control the trainer.  You can leave, quit, but not control.  God, Power, is like the trainer.  Many people believe in God, but their problem is that they cannot get God, Power to do what they want.  For many people, spiritual growth is not about belief issues.  It is about not wanting to put in the work.  

Cyrene Guy

 Do a good deed that you don’t want to do and then walk away with no thanks for it.  Just be an anonymous person who is helpful.  It will change your life for the better.  Simon of Cyrene was just passing by minding his own business.  Someone was stumbling by, all bloody from a beating, on the way to being crucified.  He was too weak to carry his cross.  Simon got pulled out from among the crowd of people and made to carry the cross beam.  When he was finished, he walked away.  No one said a thank you.  Maybe he grumbled, “Why me?”  But I suspect that he became a better person for it.  You don’t have to wait until you want to do a good deed.  

Glory

 Some of us are addicted dust.  That is, we are addicted to something, and will die someday still addicted.  But the addiction does not have to be the cause of death.  As Eric Vardon says, “We are dust called to glory.”  You can be addicted to work, exercise, food, sugar, demon rum, relationship-dependence but they don’t have to kill you.  We are dust.  We are human, therefore imperfect.  Accept it.  Humility.  Spiritual paths are not to make us perfect, but to make us whole, that is, all we are meant to be, dust called to glory.  Recovery, prayer, service, good reading, is all about dust moving to glory.  

Wisdom Figures

 I don’t think it is quite to the point to call people who have been members of any association, “old timers.”  Their gift to the association is not that they are old in age but that they are wise from being part of the association for so long.  They are really ‘Long Timers.”  I have met  a few people who are old but not so very wise.  So age does not bring wisdom.  But working on oneself in a growth-oriented group over a long period of time, does bring a giftedness that benefits newcomers and those who have fewer years in the association.  Long Timers know history and they know all the mistakes.  Wisdom often comes from falling down and getting up rather than never falling down.  

False Unity

 One of the reasons that people tend to imbibe alcohol is to feel a sense of camaraderie, a feeling of unity with those around them.  But what it often does is cover over our attention to the fact that we are drinking too much.  Such people often wake up with a sense of “how did that happen?” The feeling of having drunk too much the day before or a few hours before comes too late to prevent the hangover.  Feeling normal in a room of people at a social event can be a task, so I try to feel normal within myself earlier in the day through some spiritual tools such as meditation or reading some spiritual pointers.  Drinking does not do much for the heart.  

Compare An Despair

 Too often we tend to “compare and despair.”  We see something that we lack or think we lack and wish we had it.  That other person is better in some way that we envy or wish for ourself.  So I try to remind  myself to look into my spiritual tool box for some humility.  The other person or situation is a call for me to have some humility.  From humility I can have a better day.  Shame won’t do it.  Regret won’t do it.  Humility takes far less energy than envy, shame and regret.  I accept where I am now, but I can make a change from my reality.  I can grow from here in my spiritual life and write this simple blog.  

Reread

 I save books that help me to be a better person, to grow from within.  I underline in the book and write in the margins.  I put the book aside.  But in time I pick it up and “reread” the book, especially the underlinings.  Often, I find that, “Oh, I forgot that,” or I see something from a different perspective because I have changed in my own growth.  Let other people read your novel collection.  Keep the stuff that changes you for the better.  And work on remembering.  Maybe a treasure box with quotes you got from readings, that you can check more regularly.  

Certain

 Be certain that things are fixed and finished.  No future study.  No open to discovery of more or other.  This is fundamentalism.  It keeps one from having discussions or from listening or being open.  I like the recovery program model.  It is suggestions that have worked for many.  It has a track record, but still it is suggestions.  And it is always open to learning more from modern science and research.  Evangelization, at its best, invites people to take a look or to consider.  Differences are not the problem.  Open listening is a way to stay in touch with differences.  

The Umbrella

 To skip morning spiritual practice because you feel pretty good is like going out on a cloudy morning without your umbrella because it is not raining at the moment.  Though it is predicted to rain later.  I did both today so dump my blogs.  I am all wet spiritually and physically.  Clothes hanging here and there to dry off, paper toweling in my shoes are the results of no umbrella.  Just because things are going well at the moment is no reason to skip spiritual practice.  Early practice prepares for later events, expected or unexpected, in the day.  I just read a psalm today that said the rain ought to bless and praise God.  Well, it did.  

The Purpose

 I meet people now and again in my daily life who tell me that they have found God or a Power other than themself who has saved them from their miserable, maybe addicted, life.  I ask them how did this God or Power do that?  Whatever they did to get free, I then ask them “For what purpose did this God free you?”  They might talk about bring a better worker, or just having a job, being a better parent or spouse, and better this and that.  Occasionally someone will say, “So that I could help others who were suffering as I was.”  Sobriety is not just about being a better person.  Your Power did this so you could be of service to other addicts like yourself.  In religion it is called, Evangelization.  

the Spectator

As a spectator you are watching something, listening to something, and there are others with you, or in the same physical space, who are doing the same thing.  Think of a sporting event or a symphony, or a lecture.  You might think you are a “we” because you all had the experience of spectator, student, fan.  But then how much more are you connected to those same people with whom you sit, when the event is over and you leave?  Not much?  Then you are not a “we.”  Sobriety and worship are not spectator events.  To the extent that you participate, if you are not drawing into relationship with others there, you are missing out on the importance of “we” to a spiritual growth. It is a bit like saying you live in a “neighborhood,” but don’t know any of your neighbors.  People come to meetings so that they don’t drink.  Then they leave, talk to no one.  They don’t drink, but they don’t become spiritually fit.  They don’t connect with others in the room except as an identity, “recovering alcoholic.”  Recovery is a lot more than not drinking.   

Mistakes

 We all make mistakes.  The hope is that we learn from them and don’t continue to make the same mistakes.  That does not mean a mistake free life from then on.  The hope is that the mistakes we will make in the future will be new ones.  Someone in recovery or who joins a church does not become mistake free by the practice.  A recovering drunk may no longer drink one day at a time, but that does not make them perfect.  May the power of new mistakes be minimal enough so that they can be useful in service to others with love and compassion.  No one going to church is a saint.  Well, maybe the priest is.  Or am I delusional?  See, I am not yet perfect.  

The Desert

If you find yourself in the desert of your spiritual life who will lead you out?  Not someone who has never been there.  A guide is useless who has never been on the journey.  You will be lead out by someone who has been in their own spiritual desert.  The desert of prayer is when you feel lost, lonely, abandoned, without those good feeling buzzes, empty and dry.  God is not absent, but the feeling sure has absence all about it.  Stay with it because it is the prelude to you being of service someday to someone who is there for the first time or first few times.  You can become their guide.  So don’t talk about how wonderful prayer is.  Not unless you include your own desert times.  The lost need to hear this.  

Saint of Relapse

 Mary Magdalene, the person who first announced that Jesus was risen, is the saint of relapse.  She was saved from seven devils it says in the Gospel.  That is, she was saved seven times from something she could not get rid of by her own power.  She kept relapsing until she didn’t.  After seven times falling back into here addictive behavior, she won out and became quite a person committed to transformation by listening and practicing what her guide, Jesus, told her and did by his own example.  She became selflessly loving and loyal.  She was of service to Jesus by keeping him company while he died an agonizing death on a cross.  So if you keep relapsing, she has your back.  There is always hope, as long as you are still alive.  

Angel Monday

This is Monday of the Angel.  Yesterday was Easter Sunday.  Someone had to announce, “He is Risen!” Or else no one would know what is going on in the cemetery where Jesus was buried.  The angel does a singular job and then disappears from the scene.  The angel was of central service for a singular moment.  I keep that in mind when I am needed for something.  It is not all about me.  Show up for what is needed, do it, and then let go of being a focal point.  The angel did a very important and central task but did not get a big ego about it.  A good example of humility, responsibility, and anonymity.  I did important things in church the last several days but now I can return to anonymity.  I try to keep “being needed” separate from “being important.”  But maybe I will get a day named for me! 

Connection

 People can drive drunk and they can drive sober.  The choice involves a feeling of connection.  The sober person sees a red light and stops.  They feel a connection with the person on the street who sees the “Walk” sign is begins to cross the street.  The drunk sees no connection with a person, but only a connection to get that next drink or get to that next place so that they can “fix” their life.  If I am stressed and get behind the wheel, I remind myself first that I am not the only person trying to get somewhere to do something.  It keeps me connected.  I am sure the walker and other drivers are better off for this brief pause.  

The Bonnet

 Happy Easter!  I will celebrate it in my way.  May I suggest you ladies think about today being the day of the “Bonnet?”  Yes, wear a hat today to celebrate Easter.  If you tune up the movie, “Easter Bonnet” or the song of that name, you will see that women walked down the NY Avenue on Easter with their Easter hats.  They always walked with a man in the movies.  But this is a different time.  You can go it alone.  I will look around for a special hat for myself in my closet.  And if someone inquires, “Why the Hat?” Just say it is Easter.  Of course if you wear a hat it won’t quite fit in with jeans and a tee shirt.  What special clothes will I wear today inside church and out on a walk along a San Francisco street?  

A Drink

Walk into a crowded bar or social event that has alcohol.  You don’t know anyone.  No one seems to know you are there or care.  You feel like an outsider.  Maybe you feel like you don’t matter or fit in.  Then you have a drink and maybe another one until suddenly, you feel a part of.  You feel that you matter.  You fit in.  Nothing has changed in the crowd.  Only you have changed.  It is the great delusion of alcohol.  The real thirst is for connection. Spare your liver.  Just introduce yourself to someone, anyone.  Well, anyone who is sober.  Or be of service and walk up to someone who is alone.   

Good Friday

 Today is referred to as “Good Friday” by a lot of people.  It used to be a church visit day, but is more of a “get away” day for the weekend.  If you are clueless about why it is called “Good” the explanation might be most puzzling.  It celebrates or recalls a miserable death by crucifixion of an innocent man who loved everyone.  What is so good about that?  Good question.  Well, what if you had nothing to give to people who hated you or did not even know you, or did know you but were pretty clueless about who you truly are.  Ignore them maybe?  Stay away from such people?  What if you gave your life for them, since you do not have money or things to give.  Or give all of yourself in service to people who you don’t even know.  Law enforcement or military, or a bus driver for school children who dies to save others.  We call them good, not crazy.  If you call their action meaningless, you might check your quotient of self-centeredness.  It is not all about you.  

The Messenger

 I try not to focus on the messenger, but rather the message.  It’s why I stay with the same groups.  I don’t always like everyone in the group or church for that matter.  But I am more interested in what message people bring to the group or church.  Sometimes, volunteers and people who do service in church or a group and not to my liking.  But the message they bring is important.  They are being of service as I should be too.  Or someone I don’t particularly feel drawn to, says some very important things that help me.  If a pastor has a message that helps me, I don’t leave and go somewhere else simply because I don’t much like the pastor.  Besides, the message might challenge me to be more tolerant.  Maybe the messenger is having a bad time, or a bad life, but my spiritual Power is using that person to speak to me.  

Geography

The problem with God for many people is geography.  They are looking for a god out there in the cosmos who is supposed to be fixing all the world problems, but is not, in their opinion.  They are not looking for the God within themself.  They have no meditative life and often their prayer life is fox-hole type prayers after some mess, often of their own making.  But they often blame the out there god for the mess.  Anyhow, I try to make meditation a daily part of my life.  It helps me.  And I am less likely to blame anyone for the mess around me.  Meditation helps me to ask what I can do to make the world around me a better place.  Being of service is not natural to me, but it is spiritual.  So I try to be spiritual-centered early in the day.