Wretched

 Going to confession in religion and going into AA after a long absence or first time have something in common.  You feel kind of terrible maybe even wretched.  You don’t much like yourself and maybe others would agree in your everyday life.  But by going in and admitting the truth about your mess, you have the chance to come out feeling a whole lot better.  The more honest, humble and thorough, the more you will feel wonderful later.  And then going to confession more regularly and attending meetings more regularly will have even better results and all those people who avoided you might welcome you back.  

Who Is Looking?

 Meditation helps me behave better when no one is looking.  How much time do you spend on outward appearances for when someone is looking?  We can appear a certain way in public though we might feel quite differently on the insides.  We can put on a good face for the sake of others.  We might have responsibilities that call for us to put on a good face, positive attitude, sense of control.  But then who is going to take care of the insides when those people are not around?  Inside stuff cannot be faked for our insides.  The healing, the getting in touch with the really real requires some quiet and stillness.  Solutions for the insides are inside us.  

Pop Quiz

 Why Meditate?  Well, life can be like a pop quiz in school.  If you have not been studying much at all, or sporadically, then you will not be ready for the quiz.  Stuff happens on a daily basis.  We are not in charge of what comes up.  It just happens, like a pop quiz.  If we are meditating on a regular basis then we are more ready to handle the unexpected.  Fear, anxiety, resentment won’t control our response.  What will happen today?  I only think I know.  So I meditate and am more ready to respond better to the unexpected.  

Away

 The one area in which I am never “away” is in my relationship with God.  God is everywhere, or at least my God is.  So I am never away from God.  Now I can skip any spiritual practice and feel far way from God, but that is just a feeling.  God is still near, regardless if my will or mind drifts off or my feelings are about abandonment.  So if you ask how to find God, it might be you who are lost.  The idea of finding yourself, your truest self, is finding God.  Right here and now.  

Guardians

October 2 is the Feast of the Guardian Angels.  It is one of my favorites.  Guardian Angels have gone out of fashion but I am still a core believer and ask each day for help guarding me.  Against what?  Mostly myself getting too much into myself.  I identify with these angels.  They are the lowest rank in the celestial hierarchy of angels.  They are the foot soldiers having to be at the job 24-7.  They do the grunt work but are very faithful.  And they are big reminders that God is never far away.  I think of my blog writing as an every day thing, not a big deal in the internet world of stuff, but faithful and trustworthy.  

Not Sure

 People who tell me they are not sure if they have a drinking problem, probably have a drinking problem and are thinking about it.  It would be like someone saying they are not sure they have a soul, or there is a god.  They are thinking about it.  The openness of AA if fascinating.  You only need to want to stop drinking when you come in the door.  You don’t have to believe you are an alcoholic, whatever that might be.  You don’t have to believe in any god.  You just want to stop drinking. It helps me in that when someone comes to my church looking for something, I simply ask what they might want.  Usually, it has something to do with inside emptiness or lack of fulfillment.  I listen and don’t try to convert.  I invite them back.  Stay in touch.  Be where they are in their search.  The seeking never stops.  

Public Prayer

 Why do some people appear pious on the outside but seem rather self-indulgent.  It may be because they pray publicly but not privately in silence and stillness.  If we are always talking in prayer then we don’t spend any time listening.  If you meditate, sit still, in silence, you just might get a Power within you to reveal a shortcoming to work on.  You might realize that you are self-indulgent.  Priests are told over and over that they have to do “mental” prayer as it is sometimes called, so that they work on the insides and not just the outsides.  Recovery people have to do more than look sober.