The Hole

I had a hole in my heart from a very early age.  Before adolescence and girls, I found this hole filled by a spiritual practice of prayer and Sacraments in my Catholic upbringing.  I loved being an altar boy.  I was filled up by the mass and Holy Communion.  It was a God-hole requiring my God as I knew God, to fill.  But then came teenage years and in the pressure to date, to have a “girlfriend, I tried to fill it up with a person.  That did not work.  Next I tried to fill it up with “career.”  Get a fulfilling job for instance.  That did not work.  I had left behind me the idea of priest and regular prayer.  No substance could fill this hole in my heart.  When I seemed to run out of options, God had not run out on me.  This Humble Power waited for my humble response of surrender.  Life of daily prayer and meditation, and then service fills up that hole.  

Meeting God

 Some people say that they like the silence of prayer, because that is where they meet God.  They meditate.  They do Lectio Divino, or the 11th Step.  But if you find God in silence, do you pay attention to other silences during your day?  Maybe your God is found in that silence too.  Like?  You pass by a person sitting on the sidewalk, just staring out, saying nothing, maybe begging in silence or just homeless.  There is silence.  They are not bothering anyone and no one is bothering about them.  Maybe your God is in that silence?  Or the silence of a newcomer in a Recovery meeting, who is ignored by others because they want to talk to their friends.  Maybe God is waiting to be recognized in that newcomer?  God is sometimes hidden in plain site. Maybe a simple “Hello” is like a prayer they are waiting to hear?   

A Bit Off

 I know I am in a bit of a spiritual deficiency only after the results.  I pay the price for learning.  What is the deficiency?  I trust myself in something instead of grace.  It is trusting nature, me, my human limitations, instead of asking for and trusting a Power, spiritual that is a bit better than simply me.  I don’t ask for help.  I can figure this out myself.  I am lost, clueless, staring at old behavior?  No problem.  I will figure it out.  It is better to pray early in the day to build up some grace power, so that I don’t get deficient later.  Slippery slope.  

The Catch

 “Did you catch mass?”  It was a phrase I might have heard as a boy when mass was said in Latin and there was no homily, no sermon.  Mass went by quickly, even if you were paying attention.  I always paid attention even before I was an altar boy.  Latin can be said very fast as most people did not understand it anyways so there was no reason to speak slowly for comprehension.  Some people used English missals with the Latin on a parallel page, so as to follow and know what was being said.  So you caught mass like you would catch a ball or a firefly.  It was quick and done.  Some people catch recovery meetings the same way.  Come late, leave early, talk to no one.  They “caught a meeting.”  If you eat in a hurry while focused onto something else you “catch a bite to eat.”  I try not to catch life.  It passes quickly enough as it is.  

Membership

 It seems to be a recent newsworthy phenomenon how many people are joining the Catholic Church this Easter.  What has been found in the past is that about half of those joining actually stay and practice their faith in worship gatherings after a year of joining.  It is a bit like having a library card but never using the library much less actually reading a book.  It is much the same with people who join recovery groups to stop some addictive behavior.  They may practice the steps or not for a while, go to a few meetings for a while and within a year are gone.  They might consider themself to be members, but without a practice like 12 steps and service at meetings.  For me, membership is work.  Sometimes I enjoy it and sometimes it is a bit of a burden, but feelings pass.  Trudge, if you must, but do it daily.  

Meals

 I notice in the Resurrection stories of the Gospels, Jesus seems to be eating or offering to eat with his disciples after he appears to them.  Eating together is a way to get to know one another, and to actually forgive one another for bad behavior.  Not eat and run, but eat and talk.  So you might ask yourself how often do you sit down and eat with someone in a leisurely fashion, and talk?  It can be a great way to work out differences or to make peace over some differences.  I have seen where people are in a room full of others in some common “spiritual” effort, but afterwards, a few go out to eat or have coffee, and talk.  The meeting after the meeting it is sometimes called.  You can live alone, but it does not mean you have to be alone.  

Baby Baptism

 Catholics have baby baptism.  It reminds me a bit of rehab programs.  Both can be experienced with some kicking and screaming.  The baby is immersed or has water poured over them, usually ice cold water.  The baby may kick and scream.  They just pooped in diaper, or want to be fed or want their nap.  The person entering rehab is reluctant to say the least.  But both purposes are accomplished.  The baby is Catholic and the person in rehab is dry, not drinking or drugging.  But then what?  The baby grows up and needs teachers, training, practice in order for the Catholic to grow in them and make them truly transformed adults.  There must be a daily practice and regular worship.  The rehab person must have mentors, a daily practice of recovery, meetings, when they get out of rehab.  What we have now unfortunately, is a lot of “used to be” persons.  I don’t want to be a used to be person, but I have to have a daily practice too.