Beige

 Beige Recovery is OK.  I mean you are not drinking, probably going to meetings, putting money in the basket when passed, and being helpful when asked.  All good, but beige.  Why?  Step 11.  It is about prayer, and not just out loud serenity prayer, but something deeper, something more meditative, more trusting, more time in solitude and silence.  This is what takes you to your deeper self, which was damaged in your drinking days.  This is the place of the Light, which is not about brightness but about the Light Of Truth as to who you are meant to be.  Like what?  Like what will make you realize your oneness with all around you.  The separate self is always the false self of fear or pride, or shame and so on.  Beige is some light but not the Fullness of You.  Beige is the 11step recovery program.  The 11th step is often the missing or lightly touched step.  

Spiritual Bouquet

 When I was a little Catholic boy, I used to give my Mom and Dad “Spiritual Bouquets.”  These were not flowers, which I could not afford.  And if I could afford the flower, it was simply me buying a flower and giving it to my Mom.  Easy peasy.  But a Spiritual Bouquet is a lot of work on my part.  I would promise to say all number of prayers and going to mass and doing good for others, as a gift to the one who receives the Bouquet card.  I am still paying off on all I said I would pray and do.  Over the years of Bouquet card lists I must have a gazillion masses to attend and rosaries to say, and good works to do, and so on.  But the good news is I was giving a gift of what I would do, not what I would ask someone else to do.  Well we have the custom of having a mass said for someone, say a dead person, I am not doing anything but paying the stipend for the mass intention.  But if I were to include doing some good for someone who is suffering the loss of that dead person, then I am into action that will change me for the better.  I have to go now to say yet one more rosary, though my Mom is already in heaven.  A promise is a promise.  

Doubt

 There is a time in belief in which we doubt.  It is the doubt time.  It need not be a crisis, as if all faith is lost.  It is a faze.  It’s part of belief.  Jesus told his disciples, who saw him alive after he was dead, that they would doubt.  So me, who never saw Jesus in his risen body, should not be all that flummoxed by times of doubt.  People in recovery programs can have times of doubt.  It is part of recovery.  It is the human condition of growth.  My prayer, in times of doubt, is to ask my God to help me through this moment of doubt.  It is irony that one prays to their higher power to help them through this moment when they doubt there is a higher power.  In belief we are still fragile human beings.  Only the proud think they should never doubt.  Pride goes before the fall, not doubt.  

Ascension

 There is a lot of Christian art work and a writing in the New Testament of the Bible, that Jesus ascended into heaven on a cloud.  Well, I don’t doubt that, I notice that two of the people who saw Jesus ascend, wrote Gospels, and neither of them thought it all that important to put this scene in.  John and Matthew wrote two of the four Gospels.  Why skip Ascension?  They both believed, as I do, that Jesus is God in the flesh, Risen from the dead.  What John and Matthew focus on is what we are supposed to do who say we believe this to be true?  A lot of the Baptized, believe in the Creed of Ascension, but they do not follow Jesus’ teaching.  My reading of the bible indicates that God has not much use for those who fail to follow Jesus. I do this at times, and repentance is my eventual response.  But some think they are just fine doing their version of “follow me.”  It is a bit like an addict believe that the recovery literature is correct, but then doing it their own way.  It never really works.  

Importance

Why might prayer help me to feel important enough so that I don’t have to seek the approval of others to feel important?  In prayer, I might very well come into contact with a Power, God, Spirit, greater than me, that is not condemning, but humbly being present to me.  So What?  Well, if this Power likes being with me, and it is greater than I am, maybe I am good enough for this God to be with me.  Is not the presence of someone who loves me, enough to give me the sense of importance, value, worth?  I find it so. And if this power is humble, maybe being humble myself and not seeking outside approval is just fine for today in all I do, or don’t do.   

Agains

 If you want to avoid something that has not “Yet” happened, it might be good to avoid to “Agains.”   For instance, I have not yet been hit by a car crossing the street, but I again jay-walk.  It is only a matter of time until the again leads to the yet being wiped out along with me.  Your partner has not walked out on you but you continue to practice bad behavior, low social skills.  You have not had a heart attack but again eat lots of sugar and carbs and processed foods, and so on.  The drunk knows about the yets and the agains.  Until they don’t.  

The Purpose

Without light the eye does not know its function to see.  All is dark.  Without sound, the ear does not know its purpose, to listen.  So it is with the soul or spirit within us.  Without prayer, it does not know its function and without prayer, we do not know we have any inner life.  And we will see and hear better if we have some spiritual practice.  We will see what is real and hear what is real instead of seeing only what we want and hearing only what we want.  The narrow world is always for the self-centered and fearful.