Who Am I?

Who am I if I am not working?  We are so driven to self-identity by the work we do for pay, inside or outside the home.  Even if we work at a job for pay from home it is still work that identifies us.  Many people think they are a “nobody,” or a “less than” if they do not have a paying job.  Stay at home Mom is seen a lot differently from a stay at home worker for pay.  This view says you are not productive as your full self until you get paid.  Raising a family from home is not seen as a career.  A stay at home Dad who is not getting paid would be under the same stigma.  No one pays me to stay at home, but that does not make me second rate or “unproductive.”  Besides, we in this category do not really stay at home.  But it is our base, our gathering of self place.  

The Afterwards

 Living in a City as a boy, I walked to church on a Sunday morning or any morning when I was serving mass as an altar boy.  Two precious things came after mass on Sunday.  The walk home went past family run food shops.  We picked up the newspaper, breakfast rolls, other baked goods, meats and deli stuff.  All was fresh that morning.  And there was no rushing to other organized activities.  No sport activities or organized games on Sunday.  I think it helped to set me up for meditation, for the slower life that meditation requires of us.  There were no coffee and donuts after church.  You simply hung around a bit because there was no real rush to go to the next thing.  And you did not need to go to the bathroom because you had nothing to eat before mass, no coffee or sugar stuff.  In San Francisco where I help out in neighborhoods, saying masses, some of this can still be done.  In the suburbs it is a different world.  

The Knitter

 Knitting takes separate threads, separate colors at times, separate widths, and knits them into one.  Though the threads are knit together, the colors or size remain the same.  In the spiritual life, we can be different shapes, sizes, colors, and still come together as one.  Meditation is like the knitting.  It begins to see unity where before there was only differences.  In prayer I can become one with myself in all my differences.  And then begin to become one with others.  Spiritual Knitting!

Doing Nothing

 There is a part of the self that gets renewed by doing nothing.  Just sit and do nothing.  It can be very sweet if you let it.  This is a part of you that is not about mind, thinking, muscles, exercise, but about doing nothing but sitting somewhere pleasant. Quiet and still.  Something in us needs this to be renewed.  Let go of the shame, guilt or fear about “not accomplishing” something.  You are accomplishing something or it is being accomplished by your not doing anything.  And if you learn to enjoy it, then you have accomplished something.  

One Day At A Time

 41 years ago today, I decided that I needed to get off the merry-go-round of a bunch of good days, and then the seemingly inevitable bad day.  My spiritual path had been, “I will never have this bad day again, forever.”  Unfortunately, I had not found a spiritual way to forever.  Someone suggested that I find a spiritual practice that was “just for today.”  My ego wanted forever, not today.  But what the hey, my way was not working.  As long as it had been “my way” God was not going to interfere.  So, humbly, I said “just for today” I would do a spiritual practice, and do it daily, but just focus on today.  Well, that was 41 years ago, so I guess it works.  Today is another day.  God Power began to work in a deeper way when I humbly surrendered my way, and my ego.  So now I have good and not so good moments, like anyone else who is sane.  But no really bad days of self-will run riot.  

The Impression

Many a time I walk along the downtown streets of San Francisco and see boy and girl walking together. The girl often dresses as if she cared how she looks, how others see her.  It took some doing.  The boy looks like he slept in whatever her is wearing, which took no effort.  I think about this is prayer.  I know my God accepts me when I am presenting myself with little effort to have looked good.  I am a mess and need mercy and forgiveness.  But I would like to present myself to my God in prayer with a better impression and this takes work, effort on my part.  Being good is often not so easy.  But as long as I am trying, eventually I will go in a better direction.  

Change The Air

 Change the air is an Italian phrase that says get out of the house and go into open air where there are people with whom you can visit.  So many of us live alone or in cramped conditions, that I think spiritual fitness might require that we get out of our little world, our electronic world and go visit with people in the outdoors or outdoor cafe.  I can meditate in silence and solitude but  I need to balance this with some communal activity free of any electronic devices.  Be with flesh and blood people.  There is a time to get into myself and a time to get out of myself, to practice social graces.