Renunciation

Often I read in the spiritual masters the exhortation to renunciation of stuff as an early part of the spiritual journey.  It is attractive, the thought of simplifying my life, letting go of things that occupy so much of my time but seem to offer little in making me a better person.  But I give up little.  All seems so necessary.  But now with Covid 19, I don’t have to renounce anything.  The virus renounced it for me.  I have no job to go to or social occasions, or events to attend, those “don’t miss events,” that were highlights of my life.  All gone.  So what is my response?  I wanted my life to become simplified right?  Now I have it.  And I find myself at times longing for the “old ways.”  There is a bit of fear involved.  Fear of losing what I had, like an income.  Maybe fear is why I gave up so little in the first place.  Well, now it is gone and like it or not, I have the opportunity to examine myself in the challenge to live a simpler, less frenzied life.  If you have children at home, maybe you can think of yourselves as all being in the same classroom learning the art of being together in a simpler way.  Boredom is a challenge for a child to learn how to be self-creative and examine why they do not like being with themselves.  We all might ask one another, “If you don’t like being with yourself, why should anyone else like being with you?”  If you are bored with you why burden someone else with your boring self?

Eden

The Garden of Eden had an issue of spiritual dimension that calls me to attention.  Do I want to “know” God or do I want to “love” God?  Or, if the God issue is a stumbling block, do you seek knowledge over love in as relationship?  In Eden the couple had an intimate relationship without a lot of knowledge.  The temptation, as for many of us, is “More.”  We want more and the more in this case is more knowledge.  Search engines, internet, gathering information will not make for love, but it will make for knowledge.  If you want to grow spiritually, many a guru would say, get out of your own way.  You really cannot control or improve the growth which is love, by gathering more stuff. Learning is not irrelevant, but don’t ask it to do what it cannot do, fulfill the hole in your heart.  Love.

Offer It Up

“Offer it Up” as the Irish used d to say, and many other groups as well, does not mean that we grumble about something while we endure it.  The goal is to change us for the better.  So we aim to go through some difficulty, medical, physical, relational, work, with some cheerfulness.  It may not remove the pain, but it might make us better people, at least better people to be around.  Why do we sometimes feel isolated and alone while we grumble and complain about something we are undergoing?  Maybe it is in part because people don’t find us very pleasant.  We become more of a burden because of our attitude in the face of pain.  Serious dope might relieve us of pain for the moment, but it will not make us better people.  I may not be perfect in my attitude today to some misery, but I hope to make some progress.  Offer it up.

My Birthday

Today is my birthday.  Two months ago I was looking forward to a party.  My Mom always made a big deal of birthdays when I was growing up.  I got a chocolate cake fresh from the bakery, and presents.  As an adult I became disappointed when people ignored my birthday, no party, no cards, nothing.  Then I realized that a lot of people grew up with birthdays being no  big deal.  Sad.  So I became my own agent for advertising my birthday which is obnoxious to some so I try to do it only with people who I think have a birthday celebrating capacity.  Then comes Covid 19.  Cannot get around that.  So I guess I will be socially isolating today with some hope that chocolate cake will show up at my front door, socially isolated of course.  Maybe no candles to blow out but no one is getting everything they want these days, but we do try to get what we need.  I will take love even if it must be 12 feet away or socially isolated.  Anyway, Happy Birthday to me!

The Upside

We often hear from spiritual gurus that we need to withdraw from worldly values.  But by and large we ignore that and thus miss out on some good stuff.  But now with the Virus, worldly values have withdrawn from us.  We cannot go to a movie, or shopping or a pub or some social gathering to escape our down moods, depression, anxiety, or boredom.  But some of us may finally stumble on meditation, that thing we have on our bucket list or do sporadically here and there for short bursts.  What we might find is that if we let go of thoughts and emotional focus, through the meditation method we use, and do it each day for a goodly amount of time, a lot of anxiety and negativity will leave us.  Meditation for some of us will be our defense against stuff that leave us in dis-ease.  We may even get into acceptance of this virus, since we are powerless to make it go away.  Meditation might connect you to a power that makes your life a bit more manageable and less in need of an escape.

The Eagles

Unless the Coronavirus has become a pandemic, I will be going to see and hear the Eagles in Denver indoor arena.  No, you Billie Eilish fans, they are not birds.  They are a singing band from when I was younger and wilder.  I am not so young now, but I still love their songs.  I will be going to the concert to celebrate my birthday which is in two days.  Now if I were a church holy priest, I might celebrate with a pilgrimage to a sacred shrine, or some special pious activity.  But I am not holy, so my shrine will be the Pepsi Center in Denver.  Not everyone will be old like me.  Younger people appreciate great music that survives time.  They will be there too. The Eagles were never a fad or a one album group.  They wrote and sang great stuff, poetic to some of us.  They can touch the heart as well as the body.  I will get to bed very late, so tomorrow's blog will be quite tardy in showing up on Facebook.  That is why you should get it sent direct to your email.  I like sleeping in and waking up to the Eagles on Spotify.

No Exchange

Yo might do something as an economic exchange. That is, you give someone money and they give you something you want for that money.  This is not love nor is is transformative, though some of us think that "getting" something, some stuff, will transform us.  Then there is the hoped for exchange.  That is, you do something or give something to someone in hope that they will change, conforming to what you want them to be.  It is a hoped for, and sometimes, an expected return.  The exchange is not guaranteed, but hoped for.  It can be a bit manipulative and generally is not transformative.  Then there is the exchange that truly changes us.  You give with no expectation of return.  It looks for no reciprocity.  So what do you get who gives?  You get transformed.  You don't do it to be transformed. You do it for love.  It is the love, selfless, that transforms us.

Back To Normal

I hear people say they wish we could get back to normal.  I wonder if we are having short term memory loss?  What was normal like before Covid 19?  Some good things yes, like a paying job.  But a lot of normal for many people was a frenzy of over activity, trying to get it all.  Children were run from one thing to the next so that they would not “miss” anything.  Being bored was equivalent to being a failure, as if boredom could never be a part of 21st Century life.  People did not get enough sleep, they overindulged in sports on TV and read too few books.  We did cameos with member of our own families, and so on.  So what normal do we want to get back to?  Is the normal American life a frenzy of fear that we may miss out on something?  Advertisers are most often showing families having fun and being fulfilled by going places, any places but being together in the home.  Let us learn what we can learn from this virus which has vanquished our old way of life.

The Presnet

One of the reasons that we try to avoid being in the present moment is because it hurts.  So we wander about in times that do not belong to us, the past and the future, or we let the imagination create a present that feels better.  We can prop up the unease of the present by giving it the support of the future that does not belong to us and is not guaranteed.  In this case, the present is never the end.  The future alone seems to be the end and so we say we live in hope, but in fact we are only hoping to live, as we avoid the actual living in the moment.  We never actually live, but hope to live.  This is why I find mediation so helpful though not so easy.  To live in the real of the present is fulfilling though at first it often seems tedious.  That is why I give myself a set amount of time to meditate and always a few more minutes than I "want" in my busy life to get on to the future!

Diversions

Why is mediation so difficult for some?  It is not a time issue but rather a 'Diversion" issue.  Many people avoid boredom by the use of diversions.  They go to the past or the future with fantasy, resentment, regret and fear for instance.  It eliminates introspection which is a key part of meditation.  Meditation is introspection without diversion.  We don't need to let go all thoughts, but only those that are diverting us from the present moment of feeling, and just being present.  When you are new to meditation or have been away a while or feel a bit uneasy, don't try to let go of all thought, but just the ones that keep you from the present reality.  Fantasizing about the now is not reality.  It is the imagination trying to paint over your boredom.  Cell phones can do that too.

What To Do?

Schools are closed and many a parent is trying to work from home.  I am a bit bemused by the fact that this may become a very uncomfortable set up for a family.  Many a family pay high prices to live in a home and in an area they find attractive.  But they really don’t want to spend much time there with one another.  Kids do school and after school events.  Parents get out of the house for work or other activities.  This virus could be a long siege and such families could be “stuck” with one another.  But maybe there is a way, another way.  Get to know one another.  Or, if you think you have done enough of that, then learn to be alone but not lonely.  Explore solitude.  Read.  Walk and look at nature.  Of course there are people with special needs.  Maybe write a letter to someone.  And find a stamp.  Keep a diary of the Covid 19 year.  Catholics could actually begin to read the Bible from page one, Genesis.  Take on a personal project that does not want someone to entertain you.  Learn to entertain yourself, drug and alcohol free, of course.  I am making plans for this time of solitude.

The Flow Of Grace

The ballerina dances a prayer.  Her prayer is to let her soul, inner self, develop a sense of peace so that it will shine forth through the efforts and labors of her body that will then feel unforced and graceful.  It is discovering the divine or goddess within her and letting it come out in dance so that the audience is transformed, somehow being touched in their best center of self.  The ballerina is working hard but appears to be working not at all in her graceful movements.  She feels the flow and so she flows.  This is why ballet is rooted in a culture that has a God of love, always at our deepest center.  I think it began in Russia with its Orthodox mystical beliefs.  To dance the ballet is to be a mystic.  She becomes comfortable within her body so that she moves with an ease of existence.  People do not go to ballet to be entertained.  They go to be transformed.  Though ballet school is closed due to Covid 19, one can always practice at home.  The ballerina cannot skip dancing anymore than the mystic can skip meditation.  The ballerina is always becoming someone for others.  Quiz: Who sang “Tiny Dancer?”

The Invaders

We have quite a big budget for military Might so that we can prevent invasions and other countries from doing things that might harm us down the road.  The military prepares for possible futures that may or may not happen.  But we are prepared for people with military weapons.  We are not prepared for a virus that can invade and kill.  So maybe we need a medical budget to beef up readiness to respond to potential invasive dangers from microbes?  It seems that we are not even prepared for the present in terms of personnel and supplies.  Nor is there much spent on all important Research and Development to be ready for the future.  I hope this is a conversation that will be a result of Covid 19.

We’ll Always Have Paris

Louie is all about himself, but in the end something changes him to take sides as a patriot against the darkness.  What changed him?  Rick did.  Rick was in love and for this he knew great joy and great pain.  He loved Elsa, and then he let his heart grow cold and hard because of things he did not know about.  He went from caring to not caring, and then to sacrifice so that she and her husband would be safe and the darkness of the world might be brightened a bit.  Love can make so much happen from despair, and harshness to great sacrifice.  When Louie saw what Rick did, in sacrifice, in giving, out of love, Louie was changed.  Love can hurt, but what else changes us for the better?  Now the quiz:  movie, star and costar, and name of famous song.  Hint: the movie was in 1942 and got some Oscar stuff but don’t cheat and look it up.  God sees cheaters.  Oh and today is the Feast of St. Joseph.  Talk about a guy giving it up for a girl!

Coupling

There is something called “Coupling” that has to do with suicide among other things.  I always thought that if someone was going to kill themselves they would do so by any of several means.  If one measure did not work or was not available they would find another method.  Not true says the coupling thesis.  A certain number of people each year jump off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.  Up until a few years ago, maybe two or three, there was no safety net or barrier to prevent people from jumping.  Then the authorities put up a net/barrier.  Suicides went way down.  In other words, it was the bridge suicide or no suicide.  If they could not jump off the bridge then people did not choose some other method to kill themselves.  Other methods did not increase.  This is coupling.  Now take hand guns.  A great many men kill themselves with hand guns.  Where there was an effort to take away hand guns, this form of suicide went down quite a bit.  Either some men kill themselves with a gun or not at all.  If you want more, read, “Talking to Strangers.”  I am pondering it.

Isolation

People began isolating long before they went shopping for their toilet paper and other sundries.  The self-isolating of social distancing at home is only the latest manifestation.  In the store, a person sees three packs of toilet paper.  They do not think, “I will take one pack, so that there will be two more for two other households.”  No, they think of themselves separate from others.  This virus may be a long siege.  They do not want to run out, as if this country did not make toilet paper.  So they take all three packs.  This is social isolation.  When we talk about rampant individualism we see it manifested in grocery stores.  Fear fuels some of this.  And if I am not thinking of anyone else then why would I believe or operate as if anyone is thinking about me?  Religious belief operates in the grocery store but many of us prefer it to be a dogma or set of worship rules, so that we can go about getting all we can get.  I would rather a thoughtful atheist.

Fragment

It seems to me that Catholics should be the least down on their littleness or lack of importance, or appearances of being too little, not enough.  They have their Holy Communion or Eucharist.  It is a thin wafer, seemingly tasteless, very small.  But it is supposed to be very powerful with the presence of their universal creator.  If this is all so for them, then God uses everything, every crumb to reveal power and presence.  So when Catholics feel “crumby” they are very important as they carry around this awesome Presence within them.  They are not mere crumbs, worthless, of little matter since their God has chosen to be within them and reveal this Presence through them to others.  Each person then is a treasure box.  I don’t think many Catholics believe this or if they do they don’t act it.  They let the world tell them who and what they are.  When you say, “I am not enough” what is it you are avoiding?  Sometimes I am condemned by my own dogma.  Oh, and Happy St. Patrick’s Day.  Wear green.

A Short Prayer

“Oh God, I am here.”  Now on the one hand you might not be too sure of who or what this God is, or else you are real sure, dogmatically, in which case, this is not God.  God is not a dogma or a thing or an “It.”  So why spend time thinking about the first part of the prayer?  I think it more important to question whether you are really “here,” as you say.  If you are consternating about God then you are really not here, present to your body being present.  It is a short but deep prayer.  Once you truly enter into it, free of thoughts, but present being here, good things can happen.  It can take a lifetime.

Placeholders

Meditation methods are largely seen as placeholders.  Our intention is one thing, such as to let go of our attention to thoughts.  Let go of fantasizing while we try and sit quietly and still.  While that might be the intention, to let go of monkey-mind random thoughts, filled with anxieties, fears, resentments, our plans and so on.  But the intention does not hold.  We start out with our mediation method be it breath or word or body motion, and then we try to be still and quiet.  Right?  All of a sudden we realize that we have lost our intention and are very attentive to some issue in the past or future, some scenario of our life or someone else’s life.  “Where was I?” We might say this.  So we pick up the placeholder of our intention and renew the effort.  Even if your mediation is a go into the woods or park, you find yourself not even noticing the fauna around you.  Attention trumps intention.  So we go to our placeholder, our intention and renew the walk.

Christendom

Many historians think that Christendom has passed.  The Church used to be a big time World Kingdom.  But I think that a piece of Christendom is still with us.  One aspect of Christendom is that the Church assumed there was an essential identity between Christianity and European society.  Asians, Indians were supposed to think, act and believe just like Europeans.  That is, the local culture was dismissed as anything of value to be met on its own terms.  Today, I see clergy and parishes that simply dismiss the local “secular” culture as having nothing of spiritual value.  Little is done to learn or participate in the local culture.  Sports, art, music, recreation, festivals and all are ignored.  Little or no participation as a parish or clergy person.  I think that the local secular culture has a spiritual hunger but it won’t always be fed by what goes on inside the church buildings.  A Paulist priest tries to engage the culture as it is.  Listen.  Spend time in the “out of church” world and get out of strictly religious events.  A Paulist does not just talk and teach.  A Paulist tries to listen and learn.  God speaks through all kinds of persons and surprising places.  The Bible tells us so.

Down But Not Out

When feeling down what do many of us do?  We isolate.  We don’t call someone and say “Let’s get together and talk.”  We don’t go out and find something to do or see.  We go inside and then inside of ourselves.  We feel disconnected but tend to up the disconnection.  So I try not to let this happen.  I find that when I get out of myself, and often this begins with just getting out and connect with someone the mood tends to pass.  Art, theatre, conversation, exercise with others or just find something that occupies my mind in a way that I stop thinking about me and how I am down.  I have learned the difference between solitude and isolation, or alone and loneliness.  Am I being filled up or depleted?  I find that blogs connect me, though I am wary of cyberspace as a solution.

Antsy

One of the reasons that some of us have trouble with meditation is that we cannot wait to get busy doing stuff.  Why?  In some cases it is because we want to avoid a confrontation with our chaotic mind and heart, our thoughts and feelings.  Try sitting in quiet stillness, not focusing on your thoughts and feelings.  The mind and heart will often rebel at this attempt to be ignored.  A whole part of the spiritual journey is to allow the mind and heart to get comfortable during this meditation time. All of our faculties will be again engaged after meditation, but minus some of the fears, anxieties, worries, and apprehensions about our life.  We engage and strengthen some new tools such as acceptance, an inner peace, and a sense of connection with and in the world around us.  A calm mind and a pure heart are not bad friends to have.  They take some cultivation in mediation.

Change Actions

Science and medicine seem to say that we don’t change once those neurons connect or fail to connect.  For instance, a person born blind, won’t someday see.  But that is not the only change possible.  Actions can change.  For instance, once someone becomes an alcoholic, it seems that they will always be an alcoholic.  Recovery is so that they don’t drink but do change their behavior.  Actions and behavior can change.  The spiritual path takes one from being selfish, self-centered, fearful, resentful and so on and makes them become compassionate, selfless, kind, generous, and loving.  There is a whole industry that might help you to change your body, physical appearance, but not your attitudes and actions.  In other words, you might look different, but you act the same old way.  I think that if we have what we might call a biological or physical shortcoming/weakness, we do not have to be defined by it.  I can be “Short” Irish and bald but that does not define me unless I let it.  I think my actions are more what define me for better or worse.  That is the change I work on daily.

Celebrate

A good friend dies.  Why were they a good friend?  Maybe because they loved you for who you are and can be.  You mourn the loss of your loved one.  How can you honor them in your life?  Why not celebrate and live your life, the one they loved, to the best you can be?  Yes, there will be days or moments of loneliness and sadness.  But you are still alive for a reason.  You are not done yet living out your gifts and talents.  We may age, but we are still here for a purpose.  Celebrate your friend, your loved one.  Live.

Gifts

There are gifts which we seem to have as part of who we are.  I might say that my gifts are who I am. But unless I develop these gifts they serve no useful purpose.  I cannot create a talent, but I can develop one.  If I develop my gifts then I become who I am supposed to be. This is the difference in being, having a gift, and becoming, developing a gift.   Example: I might discover that I have the gift, as I see it, to preach short and to the point homilies.  Not every preacher can do this or sees it as a gift.  There are all kinds of preachers with all kinds of gifts, but they must be developed to be of service.  So I am the short and pointed preacher.  I need to work on this on a regular basis otherwise, I will become someone I am not.  And this would be a mess.  If I develop my gift then I am of service to those who like short and to the point homilies.  Discover your gift.  Develop it.  Become of service.  This might have been too long a blog!

Off Button

Do you have an “off” bottom?  I have to make sure I stay in touch with my off button.  I need to turn off from work, exercise, computer stuff, cell phone.  Some people don’t have an off button for their job.  They are always their job or work.  Some exercise too much or eat too much or drink/drug too much.  No off button for them.  But there are some things that are really never for an off button.  I am always a priest, as someone is always a parent, spouse, such as this is part of their identity, rather than their job.  There are precious moments with old friends when I am just “Terry” but they are few and far between.  With my sisters I am just their brother.  You know when you have forgotten and/or are in need of an off button when the song, “I can’t get no satisfaction,” makes sense.  Quiz...who sang this?  Problem drinkers know the sentiment of that song.

Travel Light

Some of us try to travel light when going on a flight somewhere.  We find that carrying a lot of luggage is more of a burden than it is worth.  This is OK for outside stuff, but how much inside stuff do we burden ourselves as we go about our day or on a trip somewhere?  How much resentment, fear, anxiety, distrust, anger, self-pity and bondage to self do we carry around with us?  For me, every morning, and a checkup during the day, I have to ask how much inside stuff am I dragging about with me.  I might start out the day OK, lightly packed on the insides, but then without really noticing it, I burden myself with all the list of stuff I mentioned.  I have to stop now and again in the day, and unpack and give myself a good talking too before or right after I make a mess of things.  How about you? Gate-check time.

Samuel

There is this kid in Hebrew Scriptures, First Book of Samuel, if you are looking, and in his sleep he hears God calling him.  OK. Kids have lots of imagination.  But when he wakes up, his opening comment or prayer is, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”  How did this boy learn such a prayer.  I never learned to pray this way when I was a child.  I learned word prayers.  God was supposed to do the listening.  I learned to ask for stuff, say thank you, praise, but it was all my words and thoughts.  Plus I never thought of myself as “servant” of God.  God was supposed to serve me.  No wonder I had such a shallow spiritual life.  I think the prayer way I was taught was good enough for starters.  But why not trust that children can learn to stop paying attention to their minds, their agenda, and just listen without becoming all antsy?  Maybe less sugar and plastic products wrapping their food.  Who knows.  It is not so hard for me to stop talking about my agenda, but much harder to stop thinking about my agenda while someone else might want to talk.  I work on it. Keeping my mouth shut does not mean I am listening.  But I try on a daily basis.  Release from bondage to self is all I say many a time in my meditation.

Inconvenience

Being responsible is generally inconvenient.  It usually means I have to step up and do things I would prefer not to do.  Like what?  Well, a person walks into your group of buddies.  The person is a newcomer.  If I am one of the regulars at the meeting, I prefer to talk to my buddies.  But the group says it is open to new members and is supposed to welcome new people and take time to talk to new people and be helpful.  If no one talks more then a hello and welcome or a smile, handshake and the person leaves to never come back again, who is a fault?  Me.  And that is when being responsible is inconvenient.  I have seen this ignoring or barely civil behavior at many a gathering in churches and other so called “spiritual centers.”  If I go into a new place, and don’t have on my clerical dress/priest collar, I am pretty much ignored.  Then again, in some groups, if I do walk in with my collar on I am ignored.  Strangers are an inconvenience.  I need to step up my game.

The Sleep Of Death`

I pray to my Mom.  She is dead.  But not so dead that she does not watch for me and be concerned for me.  I am a simple soul and I like the wisdom saying, “I sleep, but my heart watches.”  When I get into one of my “poor me” moods, I think, God does not care.  God is sleeping.  So what, says the wisdom saying.  God is still on watch for me.  A loving parent might go to bed and sleep while their teen daughter is out on a date or with friends.  But the parent still watches and awakes when the child comes home.  Shepherds sleep but still keep watch over the sheep.  The Bible calls God a Shepherd.  That’s how shepherds are, sleeping but watching.  Death is often called a sleep in spiritual circles.  This is why loved ones, “sleep, but their heart watches.”  Hi, Mom!

Dirt

The word “Adam” as in Adam and Eve, means Man.  And the word “Adamah” means soil, or dirt.  So there is a very close connection between being human and being dirt.  When you say, “I feel like dirt,” I might ask if you mean you feel like good dirt or bad dirt?  Anyway, we are always dirt according to the creation story.  Dirt can be alive to growth, and it becomes good/better dirt to the extent that it is nourished.  So when we are more selfless, compassionate, caring for others we are good dirt and something in us is growing that is fruitful.  If we are all about ourselves in a self-centered way, then that might be bad dirt in which not much good can grow.  To keep me in some humility when I am doing wonderful things, as others might tell me, I remember that yes, I am still dirt, but good dirt.  At times, I am amazed at what this good dirt or a human being can do!

You Could Not

Some people say, “I wish I did things differently back then.”  But if you are influenced by an addiction, you could not do things any differently than you did them in the past.  Addiction controlled your actions.  It is the nature of addictions.  It could be work, or food or drug or sex or internet, but whatever, it controlled your behavior.  I think the answer to the past, when you finally get into some recovery, is acceptance.  The past is done.  The present and future depend on the active effort at a spiritual solution.  The core of a spiritual solution is that you are no longer the center of your world.  When life and thinking was all about you, your goals, wants, fear, and attractions, it is called “bondage to self.”  The past was the best you could do in a bondage to self.  I try not to use up energy or time fantasizing about a different past.  It is just more escape from the work that needs to be done in the now.  You are not dead.  Use the gift of today.

Leaving Church

When someone belongs to a church it can be a way that they feel a sense of belonging and attachments.  “This is my church,” or “This is my parish,” they might say.  They identify as “Catholic” in my circles.  But what happens when they leave that church over bad behavior by officials?  They lose a sense of attachment.  Their institution of church was a place for them.  They have lost place and it is not re-placed.  When someone says, “I don’t believe anymore” it is less about doctrine or creed and more about the loss of attachment, the sense of belonging.  The grief in moving on or away from, is the sense of no longing belonging.  Unless we can find something else, something communal to belong to, loneliness and stunted growth can easily set in.  Drugs, drink, sex, gyms, geographic moves, job, will not fill the hole.  I like to hang around the periphery of things and places.  It is where I might run into such searchers, even if they are not aware of their search.  I have been a “detached one.”  It is a daily effort to stay connected.