The Cross

 A lot of Christians don’t really embrace the cross as their religion teaches.  They don’t like emptiness or abandonment and trust level is a bit weak.  Look at their Jesus.  What did he do on the cross?  Silence most of the three hours.  Yes, agony.  But also the silence of prayer, not crying out and cursing.  His was suffering love, the silence of abandonment.  Baptism does not seem to do much for the silence of abandonment.  Many baptized people leave that religion because they did not get what they wanted.  They did not get freedom from pain, as if suffering and death has no place in life.  Say what?  So what is God doing with us when we embrace our cross?  God is transforming our human will into divine union, that sense of Oneness with all.  Even he Roshi will hit the Zen student over the head if the Roshi suspects the student is trying to escape something by their sitting practice.  Which is why many people leave Zen also.  Don’t we all want to be like Adam but have Paradise as well?  

Silence

 As you get a bit more proficient in prayer you might begin to look at silence in a deeper way.  The silence of darkness is one aspect of a deeper trust in prayer.  We know we are not in charge of what goes on in the meditation.  God is at work while we sit patiently.  We might experience nothing but darkness.  Remain silent.  Don’t fret about getting rid of the darkness, as if you are doing something wrong.  Abandon yourself to the darkness.  It will make the Light, when it appears, all the more imprinted onto your heart.  Maybe this prayer, you needed a little more practice in trust, patience, surrender.  Showing up is your side.  Your spiritual power does the heavy lifting.  

Three Step Prayer

 For skeptics, the obtuse, the non-believer, you might suggest a prayer practice that is quite simple and straightforward.  It is three steps, as someone said.  Stop. Drop. Pray.  Stop doing whatever you are doing.  Whatever you are doing is maybe part of the problem.  Like whining, blaming, living outside the reality of the present moment.  Get on your knees.  Now that is humbling and maybe difficult physically.  But it is a different posture from anything else you have been doing.  Then pray that your difficulties be handled by “whoever.”  It is a first step in handing something over, admitting defeat, surrender.  All good things when your life is a mess.  If I cannot stop thinking crazy, I ask “whoever” to do it for me.  What have I got to lose?  Three steps.  I use a rubber mat for the knees.  

Immediate Attitude

 Often addicts, when they begin to pray, or anyone for that matter, have a certain lack of patience.  Such people want immediate results.  Prayer is not like instant heated and eaten foods.  A newcomer to prayer needs to be reminded that God’s time, or Higher Power time is not our time.  Prayer is ultimately about being changed.  Few of the newcomers begin by praying for transformation.  Many of us never pray for it!  The results will come at the right time.  A person might ask for an obsession to be removed, for instance.  Nothing happens while on their knees.  Or so it seems.  So they get up and go through their day.  Come later in the day, the evening, they suddenly realize they have not thought about their obsession.  What they could not do for themself was done by?  Maybe there is a God!  Patience.  

What have you Got to Lose?

 Say you meet a person whose life is a bit of a mess.  Ask them if they pray.  If they say no, ask why not.  Whatever answer they give ask them, “How is that working for you?”  If they know that their life is a mess, out of control, they might be open to giving prayer a try.  “What do you have to lose?” You might say.  They have nothing to lose by trying it.  What might they pray for?  How about asking that their obsession for bad behavior be removed.  If the person is beyond the “blame game” they see that a lot of their troubles are self-inflicted.  So, two things here can bring us to prayer.  We know our life is a mess and we are not blaming others for the mess.  Amazing how the spiritual path starts at a bottom.  

Break Dancing

 Break Dancing is now an Olympic Sport in Paris.  Where did it begin?  The Bronx, my boyhood home.  When people make fun of The Bronx, as being less than, I can remind them of such things as Break Dancing.  The Bronx is very creative and this is an example.  So when you think of where you lived your early years, try to find out about something good that was going on there either then or now years after you left there.  We tend to put down places where we never lived and feeling sorry for the people who live or lived there.  I loved my Bronx years and found it to be a great place for a little boy to grow up.  For whatever reason, beauty and inventiveness stays in the shadows of what might be problematic or ugly in some places.  The Bronx does not blow its own horn.  It should.  Don’t be like my Bronx.  Let your best self shine.  People need the light.  

The Right Thing

I did not want to do it.  A fellow priest with whom I live here in San Francisco had cataract surgery and needed to go to the Veteran’s Hospital the next day to check it out.  He asked if I was available and I said no I was going to the Presidio to run.  But when I went to bed I did my “examination of conscience” and said it was the right thing to do to take him to the hospital rather than let him blindly look for a Uber of Lyft, with his one good eye.  It was truly the right thing to do.  I did it with a good mood and we made it fun.  The hospital is near the ocean.  The doctor invited me in to hear about the results and what my friend needed to do.  So I would be his medical aide.  Then we went for a drive to the Bay and ocean to smell the sea and hear the waves.  Then a tour through Golden Gate Park, to conclude with a visit to a wonderful donut shop with good coffee.  A 3 hour fine time together.  Being unselfish, doing the right thing, can be quite a good surprise.  

Silence the Damage

 Silence is one way to minimize the damage that can come from judgments.  You see a person, place or situation and you make a judgment about it in your mind, and emotions spark up.  BUT then you don’t say anything.  You keep silent.  This is not to avoid a needed response.  It is to silent a lethal response that improves nothing, and can make matters worse with no useful change.   Silence might be the best response.  Or this silent pause, might allow for a more useful response to come forth that is not filled with vitriolic judgment that separates us.  We want a response that builds relationship not create chasms that divide us into enemies.  

Uncoupling The Tracks

 If a train is going on the tracks and you uncouple the tracks ahead of the train, then the train cannot go anymore.  It needs the tracks.  The mind is like the tracks and the train is thought, as in useful, agreeable and natural.  Nothing wrong with such thoughts.  Unless you are trying to meditate.  Thoughts go along at one level, surface.  Meditation is to take us deeper into the heart of ourself.  It’s at this deeper place that change takes place over time.  Silence within is what can uncouple the tracks on the surface.  I use breath to uncouple.  Some use a word or phrase.  Methods of meditation are simply to uncouple the thoughts from moving along in some scenario.  Thoughts are not about good and bad.  They are about distraction from being moved by a Power into our heart center.  

Focused Thought

 Focused thoughts are called lectio divina in some circles.  It is a method in which you slow down the inquisitive mind so it can be taken deeper into the heart of prayer.  You do this by picking up a spiritual book, or book of spiritual content.  You begin to read it from the beginning or wherever you left off previously.  As soon as you come to some phrase, or content that seems to grab you, such as some discovery, you pause there and focus on that content.  Close your eyes and just let that phrase  work on you.  Or keep your eyes open as long as your inquisitive mind is focused on this specific content.  This is one way to be taken deeper into your heart, where you might even let go of the focused thought, close your eyes and just be in the moment.  I tend to read spiritual books more than once since I am changing over time and different contents will grab me one time that I did not notice in a previous reading.  

Aloneness

 Solitude needs an aloneness that does not come with any one place.  It is not so much spacial as it is deep.  Deep is what makes for a companionship with God.  It is not an isolation or withdrawal from human relationships.  In fact they may be better for the solitude.  God offers us the gift of solitude.  No one place can satisfy.  This depth of prayer has no permanence in any one place.  I cannot say, “If I but live here instead of there, I will find depth of prayer.”  Place does not create the depth.  It is gift, but it must be sort, yearned for in our darkness of prayer.  This more surface darkness is but emptiness, a kind of blah or even boredom.  God is waiting to see if we will give up when things are not going “our” way.  If you have reached the point where you are all in with God the thirst will continue.  The deeper companionship is beside the restful waters of the interior heart.  

Options

 I know of a club called “The Out Of Options” club.  All the members have a common issue.  All tried various options that they thought would work outside of joining the “Out of Options” club.  All outsiders saw the club as a bunch of losers, weak, crazy and other negative things.  And the people in the club saw things that way too before they gave in and joined.  They tried everything and just ran out of options.  The good news is that they joined the club before their issue killed them.  They do not get much credit for surviving a deadly, cunning destroyer.  So they are not just recovering a healthy life.  They are also happy and grateful.  They try to help one another especially anyone new to the group.  The name is memorable.  Since the members have short memories about what they learn in the club meetings, it is probably a good name for the group.  

Poverty

 We are all called to poverty.  What?  Where you have no bank account, or enough to survive?  No.  Poverty in a spiritual sense means that you do not hoard, because others have needs too.  Remember when covid first came out in about 2020?  People hoarded toilet tissue among other things.  If a big storm is coming, people tend to “stock up” with way more than they need.  Then there is a shortage for others who are in the same situation.  When I see something in a store, supermarket, that I really like, but is rarely there, I try not to take all of it.  Take some and leave the rest for others.  What I need and what I want is not the same.  If I go into a meeting and there is one donut near the coffee, I take half.  This is how I practice poverty.  The other half is always eaten by someone else before the meeting is over.  You might say, why don’t I leave the whole donut for others?  Because I will be thinking about it the whole meeting.  I am not yet that transformed.  

Silence

 Silence is not about keeping quiet.  You can be in a recovery meeting or a worship space, or a classroom where you are quiet but not in silence.  When?  When your mind is racing.  When your imagination is off to fantasy.  When you are ruminating about a resentment or fearing a future that may not even happen.  Silence means listening.  If I am sleeping while someone is talking, I am quiet but not in silence.  So I keep this in mind when I am in a meeting while someone else is talking, sharing something.  I try to pay attention.  That is silence.  In prayer, I am silent if I am open to listening to the God of my prayer.  I sometimes have very noisy prayers, though you hear no sound from me.  My meditation is never completely silent.  I get in the way!

Solitude

 Solitude is not about being alone.  You can be alone but in a state of fantasy.  Your imagination is in charge.  You can be alone working on a resentment, or alone working on a six pack.  None of these are solitude.  Solitude comes when we are aware of the presence of God, or for addicts, the Higher Power of whom they speak.  I can be on a bus with other people, but suddenly am aware of the God-Presence within me and around me.  In this instance, I am in solitude but connected with others.  All solitude, even when alone, leads to a sense of union with others and the world around me.  It gets expressed as compassion, forgiveness, patience, mercy, among other positive, connecting attitudes.  Solitude leads to freedom.  

First Failure

 Lots of victories are preceded by failure.  The cross in Christianity precedes resurrection.  In recovery, a slip is common.  That is, one enters into recovery, vows never to ingest whatever again, and then does it anyway down the road.  This “failure” can bring them back to recovery full of humility and the knowledge that they need to do those steps and follow the winners, most of whom have had slips in their past.  We learn how to do something well by first doing it badly.  A beginning violinist is an ear sore.  Sports are full of early failures.  Michael Jordan, the great basketball player, could not win a championship in his first several years as a professional.  Then, he could not lose.  Failure came first, even to the great ones.  So don’t be too hard on yourself when the spiritual life does not seem to be going the way the book says.  Keep at it.  

Work

 There is not much spiritual growth in work if it is done out of a sense of servitude, that is obligation, forced upon us by various circumstances.  Think of housekeeping.  If you find yourself resentful, judging other people as lazy or too messy, then there is not much love while you housekeep.  What love is there if you do it as a job?  But you could do some of the same work if the attitude changes to work as a service.  Be of service to others.  Love might enter into it at times.  In recovery, when one person helps another in order to keep themself sober, there might not be much love.  But if the helpfulness, the care, is done as service, then love has a chance to grow in the relationship. If I am going to do a work anyway, I try to look at my attitude.  I want the work to benefit me as well as the ones who profit by my efforts.   My blog is work but I think of it as a service.  So I love you all!!!

The Flickering Light

 For those who are Catholic, you might recall the candle lamp that was constantly lit next to the tabernacle behind the altar.  The lamp made no noise, yet it called attention to the presence of God in the tabernacle.  The lamp when lit says “God is here.”  It invites us to be still and silent in the church.  A wonderful metaphor for sobriety and all spiritual growth.  Ask yourself, “Are you yet like the lamp lit, indicating your Higher Power, or God, is here where you are?”  A truly sober person does not have to say much to make known their inner peace, their surrender in humility and silence to the Presence that gave them a new life.  Talk can be so cheap.  The transformed life is the true witness to the Spirit at work.  

Fully Self-Supporting

 I know of a group on a spiritual path that is fully self-supporting.  It is in their rules of organization.  For what purpose?  Well, they don’t worry about money.  Either the members give or the group goes out of business.  No worry means no resentment or fear.  The group has the humility to admit it does not have to exist.  If it cannot pay its bills/expenses, then that is a sign it does not serve a sufficient purpose.  I try not to worry about money.  Do what I do.  If contributions don’t come, then it might be a sign that I am not needed in this endeavor.  My blogs are free.  But my computer is not.  If I cannot pay my expenses, it might mean that what I do is not all that important.  I sell my computer and go live as a hermit in the forest.  Don’t hermits have expenses?  So maybe there is no way out, but I try to remember my group that is fully self-supporting.  No resentments or fear.  Or an ego that thinks I must exist because of my “important” purpose.  There are lots of spiritual teachers, so I am expendable.  Yet my ego hopes that I will be a hermit who is missed.  Character defects never really go away.  

The Starting Line

 A race starts at the starting line, not in the middle.  Cheaters enter the race in the middle.  Their reward is as fake as they are.  Every day, spiritual development has a starting point.  It is humility. This is where I am.  There is more to do.  I try to start my day, the race motif, if you will, with humility and gratitude that I even have the energy, desire, and willingness to get going to become a better person.  Pride does not need to become better.  It is already the “best.”  With humility at the start, I am less likely to judge others, or to expect super-human from myself.  Just one step at a time to get better, and not worse.  The day is a gift.  God, my Power, must have a plan.  Prayer opens me to it.  Humility says I need this Power.  Don’t rush out of bed as if you have missed the start of something.  Humility is the start.  

Two Views

 You can look at a situation and see it as how the world has victimized you.  Solution? Whine, fill up with self-pity and have a drink or some other escape.  Nothing gets better.  The situation remains and you wallow in your negativity.  On the other hand, you might see the same situation and look at your defects, shortcomings.  And stay sober while you do.  You might even seek the advice or opinion of another person about how you are feeling and what you might need to change in yourself.  The outsides might change because you are changing in your attitude.  You might find a new energy for action devoid of your faults, since you are aware of how those can take you to an even darker place.  Become a light instead of adding to your sense of the darkness.  

Finish Line

 There is no finish line, as someone reminded me.  Life does end, but transformation  and sobriety don’t end any sooner.  I am not so sure they end with natural life.  So I am not running a race to become all God wants me to be, since a race has a finish line.  I just keep going each day.  Plus, I accept that there might be some steps backwards, as character defects and faults have a good day or good moment.  But I don’t stop and whine.  OK, maybe a little whining if I am tired, or hungry.  But just keep going with good practice, and good habits as best I can.  We are human, not perfect angels, who by the way are not human.  Eat right, sleep right and stay hydrated.  Oh, yeah!  Prayer and service for a world larger than oneself.  

Living On The Edge

 I tend to live on the edge.  What is that?  I speak publicly without a script in front of me, no teleprompter either.  So if I make a mistake, a fact wrong, or lose my train of thought, everyone knows it instantly.  And it can effect everything else that I say.  Instead of listening for me nuggets of wisdom, people are thinking, "Oh he is such a nice priest, but getting up there in years.  Time to retire him."  But I continue to speak without a script in sermons and zoom or facebook talks.  In my blogs I make typo mistakes, and don't see them even with proofreading.  Yet, I don't think it is time to leave the pulpit, or exit social media.  I know a bit about what our President is going through.  A couple of people prefer me to hang in there.  So I do.  

God's Place

I sometimes ask myself, "What would God do?"  But I don't really try to ponder that reality.  Instead, that question leads me to place myself in God's place, and say, "What would I do if I were God?"  Very different dynamic.  I have no idea what God's will is, but I sure know what mine is.  I would make as little change in my life as is possible, take the easier softer way, focus on esteem, power and control.  I would do things I know how to do and do them where I feel most comfortable.  But if you look at God, the divine is always asking people to do things that they have not done, and go to places other than where they are familiar, and trust.  It is the trust thing that gets me.  So if you are asking yourself what your Higher Power or God would do, make sure you don't get in the way.  And to do that you might need a second opinion from someone on a spiritual path.   

Forgotten Wisdom

Wow is Me!  I have lived simultaneously in too many places that I have complicated my life into forgetfulness.  Example, here I am in my Boulder office with a printer that has not worked since before Covid.  So I unplug it.  Then inspiration!  Maybe a Higher Power.  I open a panel in my office that I rarely open, to see if I want to ship or get rid of something.  A printer!  I think,  "What is a printer doing up there.  It must be an old one."  I take it down.  It has never been opened in its shipping box.  Brand new!  I had an idea years ago to replace my old printer, and forgot that I bought a new one.  So I shipped it to where I need a printer.  So if you are getting like me, you might think about simplifying your life.  I hope to be moving in that direction.  Maybe time to retire.  

Character Weakness

 We want all our flaws, character weaknesses and defects within us to go away.  We see them as burdens and of no use to others.  But wait.  Maybe some of these are not meant to go away completely.  Why?  So that seeing our own fragility, shortcomings, we might have some compassion for the weaknesses and shortcomings of others.  We might become a bit more accepting and forgiving of the humanness of those around us.  This too can be a healing within ourselves and for others.  People can be so burdened by shame and guilt.  And those who feel perfect or superior will deliver whatever shame and guilt is lacking.  Pray that your defects will not overwhelm you today, and that they become diminished to the extent that you can be of service to others.  

The Petals

 Each day we can be like a flower that opens up its petals to become our fullest selves, and to make a better day for others.  The flower blossoms in its time, trusting that all is right for it to open up.  When we are afraid of all around us or within us, it will be this fear that keeps us from blossoming.  We stay closed up upon ourself.  We are so beautiful within, but we hide it behind our fears of one thing or another.  To blossom is to change from closed up to fragrant beauty.  There is a time to be closed up.  That is our private interior spiritual life.  Here we are turned within to examine or to have revealed by our God or Power, what needs attention, so that we might go through our day blossoming for others.  Many others need our good example of trust, hope, and love, so that they too will blossom.  With an interior life, everyday can be a blossom day for us.  

Yuck to Selfless

I don’t seem to want to be selfless.  I pray to get things that I think will make me happy and in control.  I might be willing to be helpful if I know and want the results, the payoff for my ego.  To pray selflessly, is to surrender focus on my list, and simply ask God to help me be of service without worrying about the results or even the effort in service.  Just surrender.  If I can surrender to God’s agenda and plan, then I might learn how to be more patient, kind, compassionate, less critical or judgmental.  So service in God’s plan really can change me.  That is why I should not so concerned about the results.  That is just more ego.  Service is a way of making me a better person.  What a sane and sober way of living!

Expanding

 How do I enlarge my spiritual life?  Good question.  If I wait for God to reveal God’s Presence and action in my life, I might enlarge nothing but my ego.  My ego says that if I wait, God will act or show up, as if I need do nothing more.  It makes me a sort of wannabe spiritual adept.  How about if I move from waiting to “seeking” God.  Action on my part.  What a concept!  Waiting on God assumes God will do thus and so because I am waiting.  Why should God act just because I am waiting?  My willingness for God’s action is a bit Willy nilly in this waiting.  What am I afraid of if I seek God?  That I will fail to get whatever I am seeking?  “Oh yea of little faith!”  Humm.  I don’t control God.  But I can surrender.  Surrender and seek.  A big step.  

The Rooms

 I have often talked about God as a verb, Energy, not as a noun, a thing separate from other things.  A good example of this is a meeting of people in a room, in which there is a lot of love, acceptance, understanding, listening and support for one another in the struggles of life.  It is the energy of Love that is present as a person shares some of the secrets, difficulties, struggles in their life.  This Love is not judgmental nor self-centered.  This is the God Power at work.  Whether one believes in the idea of God or not, it is hard to deny the energy in that room.  And afterwards, often, most people hang around.  They don’t want to leave that energy.  Love brings together.  Judgment divides.  

Sobriety

Sobriety is like a mode of transportation. It takes you from one place to another, all places you can handle.  A vehicle, something with wheels, rails or wings, tires, can take you physically from one place to another.  But how you show up is an inside job, and that is where sobriety comes in for the addict in recovery.  If they have to go some distance or be in a very unusual place, like a wedding, they have to plan the inside stuff.  How to act like an adult living the gifts and fruits of the spiritual life?  Recovery never takes anything for granted.  It is a daily project, one day at a time, you might say.  Would that all of us would do such planning.  Our insides travel with our outsides, and though we might be meticulous about the outside stuff, we too often assume or forget about the inside response to a very different situation, than our daily routines.  If your sibling who drives you crazy is going to be where you are going, what is your plan?  So don’t look down your nose at the addict in recovery.  They know how to get help wherever they go.