Doubt

JOHN 2: 1-11

One morning I was trying to keep up with the front runners in my running group. They were cruising along and I felt like I was running all out to keep up. One of the runners, Tom, came up from behind me and I said that I did not know how long I could keep up this pace. We were about 30:00 into the run at that point. Tom said, "Don't let doubt weigh you down. It will become like a giant weight upon your shoulders and just slow you down." It was good advice, but I could not let the doubt go. Within 5:00 I began to slow down, convinced I could not go any longer at the faster pace. Doubt had won out.

Everyone has doubts from time to time, but they can pass, unless we let them control our thinking. A golfer may see a stream of water 220 yards out from the tee. If he hits a good drive off the tee, it will carry the ball 240 yards and over the stream. Then doubt sets in. "I cannot do it. I might not hit a good enough drive." So he takes out a lesser club and hits a shorter shot. Doubt made him change his whole strategy. A baseball batter comes to the plate and begins to doubt that he can hit the pitcher's curve ball. The batter is practically out before he gets to the plate. A student doubts that he can do well on a test or a project. He has already begun to lower his/her grade and performance. Coaches, guides, and teachers try to help us to overcome our doubts. Otherwise we will never become all that God made us to be.

In the gospel, Jesus is testing Mary. She presents him with a disaster. No more wine at the wedding reception. If she had any doubts about Jesus, he is testing them. He does not give her a lot of confidence with his answer. "How does your concern affect me?" This would feed into anyone's doubts. If Mary had any doubts, she did not let them control her. She simply trusts that Jesus will take care of things, somehow.

Turn to the servants. They may very well have had doubts. "Who is this telling us what to do? He is not our master." But they follow instructions. Doubts don't hold them back. They may have had doubts when Jesus told them to draw from the jars and present to the headwaiter. "This is crazy, to bring water to the headwaiter!" they might think. But they draw the liquid and see that it is no longer the water they put into the jars. The headwaiter has no idea what happened. He was not tested. The waiters were tested, and now the servants know that Jesus is not just another guest at the banquet. Overcoming their doubts has moved them along in a faith journey.

If doubt rules our spiritual life, our prayer and worship life, then we won't have much of a relationship with God. If we say, "I doubt God will answer this prayer," or "I doubt God really cares about my situation, life, or disasters," then we have buried our faith and diminished our prayer. We cannot have much of a relationship with anyone where doubt plays such an important role. The disciples had doubts about Jesus when he got arrested and executed. They did not come to the cross. Mary did. Doubt did not interfere with her relationship to her son and Lord. She had been tested.

If the gospel says to take up our cross, and we doubt that this is a good thing, we won't do it. Doubt prevents us from becoming all we are meant to be in relationship with God. To achieve my goals in running, I not only have to train, but also overcome the thoughts in my head that say, "I cannot do this." It is the same with my spiritual goals. God's grace can overcome all doubts if we let it. Grace is offered. We must accept it and not turn back, or give up even when God tests us.

Girl Scout Cookies and Baptism

BAPTISM OF THE LORD

LUKE 3: 15-16, 21-22

JANUARY 10, 2010

This past Friday began the annual selling of Girl Scout cookies. I like Girl Scout cookies. I am open to buying a few boxes. My understanding of the Girl Scouts is that it helps young girls to develop their gifts and talents so that they can be leaders in society as adults. Selling cookies seems like a good way to develop some of these talents. I support this. So I am not going to buy cookies from someone's mother who stands outside of the supermarket at a table stacked with cookies. I am not going to fill out a sales form that some parent brings around.

I want the Girl Scout to be dressed in her uniform as a sign that she is proud to be a Girl Scout. I want her to come to where I work or live, and bring pictures of all eight types of cookies and tell me what is in them. Then I may ask some questions about the cookies. I want her to tell me why such and such is a really good cookie. Sell me! Why? I think that it will give her the chance to prepare a presentation and present herself to the adult world. It will certainly deal with any fears that she might otherwise have. It will help to accomplish a bit of what the Girl Scouts were founded to do, develop the gifts and talents of girls that will be so useful to them in later life. Selling cookies makes the girl a public person in a new way, standing up for something she believes in.

It is the same way with our baptism. Before Jesus is baptized, he lived a rather private life. Now he is going public with his teaching, healing, preaching, and finally his crucifixion, death and resurrection. Talk about putting your gifts and talents out there! Most of us were baptized as babies, but some as adults. We all received 7 gifts and 12 fruits of the Holy Spirit. That is a lot a talent. It is all potential. At some point we are meant to be more public with all our freely received gifts. We cannot leave it up to the professional church people or priests to be the only public witnesses of our faith, any more than Girl Scouts can leave it to their mothers to sell cookies.

The time may come when someone wants to speak about faith or against faith. Some may be seekers. Some want to put down our religion or spiritual path. That may well be the time to speak up with one who is searching or one who is negative. There may be opportunities to be of service in our church and community in which it is suggested that we get involved.

Not everyone liked Jesus when he got more public about his gifts and talents. Not everyone will want to buy cookies from the Girl Scout who tries to sell them. So move on to the next person. Jesus did. The Girl Scout may not sell the cookies to someone but she will overcome her fears, and learn not to take rejection so personally. The point is you are becoming all God made you to be. Very few people actually followed Jesus to the cross, but that did not stop him. We would not be here in this gathered congregation had he given up because of "failure" to be popular or successful as the culture defines success.

We never lose our baptism gifts. But they can go dormant. Fear, complacency and too much focus on self are just three ways that prevent us from becoming all that we are meant to be with our baptism gifts and fruits.

Epiphany

MATTHEW 2: 1-12

EPIPHANY

JANUARY 3, 2010

A star is very important in this Epiphany scene. The Magi rely on it. A star has a shelf life of several billion years, more or less. Gases come together and form a fireball. It burns up fuel for billions of years. As it ages, it expands and then blows apart. End of big star. Now this particular star seen by the Magi, had been around for billions of years. God had a plan for it, so long as the star was a star. At a certain point the star was supposed to get very bright and even move, noticeable to the naked eye of someone who was star gazing. The star was part of God's plan. This is an important lesson for us.

Turn to the Magi. As long as they were who God made them to be, with all their gifts and developed talents, they would be part of God's plan to announce the Good News of the Christ to the religious and political leaders of Jerusalem. These three Magi were people who watched the sky closely at night. They were interested in the beyond. They knew how to travel in the desert at night. How could they otherwise follow a star if they traveled by day in the hot desert? They were interested in things spiritual beyond their own cultural ways. They were not Jews and yet they were interested in a Christ King of the Jews and wanted to do him homage. Finally, they needed to have a lifestyle that allowed them to travel away from home for quite a while. These were their gifts and talents. This was in God's plan. Had they not become the people God made them to be, then they would never have been able to fulfill God's plan for an Epiphany.

Now look at ourselves. We are each made with certain gifts and talents. If we discover who God made us to be and develop these gifts, then we will serve God's plan to be a light for others at different points in our life. For instance, I am a priest. It took me a while to figure out that this is how I will be most who God made me to be. As long as I try to be a priest God will use me to be a light. This is the spiritual path, to become who God made me to be. On the other hand, if I become selfish, self-centered, whining, resentful, and fearful, then I won't be much of a priest and won't be a light for anyone. This is sin, to be other than who God made me to be.

Each of us has gifts and talents. God made each of us a unique package. The spiritual path is to discover who we are. Then as we live who we are supposed to be, opportunities will arise wherein we will have a chance to become a light for others. Some won't like our light. Herod did not care much for the light the Magi brought to him in the message of the Christ being born. But then Herod never became who God made him to be. Herod became a frightened, self-centered, power hungry political leader.

The best gift we can give to God is to become our true self, the person God made us to be.

Feast of the Holy Family

LUKE 2: 41-52

FEAST OF THE HOLY FAMILY

DECEMBER 27, 2009

Twenty four year ago the parish church of St. Thomas Aquinas, in Boulder, was gutted by a fire. After the fire I knew we had to find a place for the community to worship that was available on Saturday evenings and Sundays. We needed a mass schedule that might be something close to our custom and we needed to continue to have collections to pay for the rebuilding of the church! I made phone calls and inquiries. A very helpful Jewish woman, Joan Russell, worked at Baseline Junior High School nearby. She offered their auditorium to us. So we began to have mass there.

I noticed right away that there were a number of people who no longer came to worship with the community. I suspect that the schedule change or the desire to be in a building that looked more like a Catholic Church, and the discomfort of the auditorium seats built for junior high size bodies, sent some people to other churches. Those who did come to the auditorium felt a bond with one another strong enough to overcome any discomfort or inconvenience. For these people, the community, not the architecture, made the space holy. This is what I call the making of a Holy Family or Community. It is a people who bond together such that they put up with difficulties, just like a blood-related family.

We tend to put up with a lot more from our family, brothers and sisters and children, than we might if they were not family. How many parents have stuck with their children who have become impossible due to drugs and alcohol, and general bad or stupid behavior? Siblings may fight with one another or bicker, but they also feel a bond that keeps them together.

Contrast a Holy Community with grocery shopping. You may pick one store or another for your food, based upon convenience or price. In this case you really don't care who else is in the store. You are there for food. Some people come to a particular church because the schedule suits them. They come for the food of the Eucharist. They do not much care who else is there. If they find some difficulty there with noise or other people or whatever, they simply go somewhere else. Such people are not bonded to the others in that church.

I think that we grow holy by putting up with one another, by difficulties and inconveniences that might try our patience, charity, and fortitude. Holy families grow in holiness not because everyone is perfect and nice, but in spite of perfection. Jesus put up with his disciples. He felt bonded enough with Mary and Joseph, and the Nazareth community to live with them for years before his public ministry. Jesus puts up with me! If I want my parish community to be my kind of perfect or hassle-free, then it might be I am too lazy or self-centered to grow in Holiness.

Fourth Sunday of Advent

LUKE 1:39-45

DECEMBER 20, 2009

On Saturday evenings, I preside at a mass in the small town of Lyons, about 20 miles North of Boulder. Streets and sidewalks all around the church are being torn up and repaved. Right now the torn up part is all around us. It is very difficult to get to the front steps of the church. Tractors and barriers are everywhere. We walk in the street since there are no sidewalks at this point.

This weekend was the worst yet. When I arrived at the church, in the dark, I began to whine and blame, which is my initial response to a difficult situation. Are not my wants the center of attention for the town council? But then God intervened with a thought for me to ponder. In the gospel, Mary travels a very difficult and rocky route to reach her cousin Elizabeth. Mary and Joseph have to travel pretty much the same route to get from Nazareth to Bethlehem, outside Jerusalem. They have to go to an inconvenient stable, in the night, with no paved path. Jesus is born in the night, in a very inconvenient situation for Mary and Joseph. But it is not inconvenient for the shepherds, who are already living outdoors at night on cold ground. For them, the stable is nearby and freely accessible for them.

If it is inconvenient and difficult for me to make my way to the Lyons Church, maybe I am following in the footsteps of Mary and Joseph. The Lyons church becomes the stable I struggle to get into, so that I can enjoy the new birth of my Savior. Maybe the difficulty of getting "there" is the point. What will I put up with to receive God into my life? When I whine, it means I will not put up with much. For sure, I will not bear any cross in this mood!

But there is more. Jesus is born is a cold, dark stable. He does not come where there is light and merriment. He comes to an isolated and out of the way place, off from the mainstream of daily human activity. At this time of year, are not there some hearts that feel cold and dark and isolated from the light and merriment around them? This feeling may come from childhood upbringing where Christmas was not much celebrated. Maybe someone has lost a loved one recently, or has the memory of someone dying at this time in a Christmas past. Maybe someone simply has little faith.

These are the situations in which Jesus especially comes and dwells at this time of year. The animals who witnessed his birth had no faith and maybe even less interest. This is the wonder and miracle of God coming into the world. God comes where least expected or invited. Bethlehem was a small no place town. When you feel like a small nobody, God is coming especially to you. When you feel your heart to be cold, dark and lonely at this time of year, God is dwelling within you. God is especially a surprising and often uninvited presence in the world and in each one of us. Scrooge said, "Humbug" but this did not prevent Love from entering into his life.

You may not welcome, expect or even invite Christ into your life, but that does not control the Presence. We never earn God, but we sure can be surprised by the Incarnation in our hearts.

Third Sunday in Advent

LUKE 3: 10-18

DECEMBER 13, 2009

The spiritual journey is to discover who God made you to be, and then to live that out in your everyday life. When you are able to do this you will become "Good News" for those attracted to you. People will be attracted to you because you will exhibit a certain comfort and peace within yourself no matter the difficulty of life. John the Baptist has come to live in the desert. It is where he is supposed to be. It is here in his desert lifestyle that he hears and proclaims the word of God. Though he is in a remote and difficult place, people come out to hear him. Why do they come? Why do they hear Good News?

John does not yell at them. He does not judge them. He does not tell them that they are terrible people who will burn because of their lifestyle. Because John is comfortable in his own skin, he can hear God's word clearly and not interpret it through John's own tortured, angry and judgmental life. He speaks in moderation when the people trust to ask, "What are we to do?" To the general populace, he says that if you have more then you need, share some with those who are in want. John does not rant about consumerism or the hoarding of things in an attempt to make one happy. He gives people a simple suggestion that can be accomplished without having to change their whole lifestyle.

Tax officials, judged evil by the general populace, feel comfortable around John. To their question, "What are we to do?" he tells them not to cheat people. He does not say that tax collectors are evil and need to stop their means of livelihood. He gives them a suggestion of what could be done that will really effect their lives for the better. To the soldiers, some of whom are pagans, infidels, John again does not tell them they have to stop being soldiers or even change their belief system. He gives them something that they can begin to do now without too much trouble. He tells them to accept their wages and don't try to threaten the people with a lance to extort more income from them.

People hear Good News. Through John, they hear God saying that they can begin to grow in the spiritual life with some simple adjustments. They hear something that is possible to do. They do not hear judgment. They are not told to completely change their lives. Nobody seems to go away sad. If John's audience can each put into practice his suggestions, then the world will be a better place and the kingdom will be made more visible in our midst.

Contemplative Outreach: Humility, Part II

“HUMILITY, Part II”

We will explore the importance of humility in practicing the spiritual life and how to achieve it through letting go of thoughts of our former way of life, thoughts of God, and thoughts of self. The presentation will be based on the book Humility Matters by Mary Margaret Funk.

Presented by

Father Terry Ryan, CSP

At

St. Thomas Aquinas Church Hall

14^th Street and Aurora Avenue (on the Hill), Boulder

Saturday, January 16, 2010

9:30 a.m. to Noon

(Coffee and treats begin at 9:00 a.m.)

The morning will include Centering Prayer,

but no experience necessary.

Everyone is welcome. Suggested donation is $10.

_________________________________________________________

For more information and pre-registration, please call

Barbara Hayden (303) 494-2845 or Rosalie Gansecki (303) 494-1742

Sponsored by Contemplative Outreach of Boulder

and St. Thomas Aquinas University Parish