End Of Year

 Where did 2021 go? Well, here is an end of year thought.  One time, Jesus was in the middle of a packed house.  Full capacity.  Some guys come along with a friend on a stretcher.  Can’t get in.  So they go up onto the roof, rip it open and lower the stretcher and man into center of room right under the nose of Jesus.  They never asked for anything.  Most people think they wanted Jesus to do something for their friend, like heal him.  Why?  Maybe their friend just wanted to listen, and did not really want anything else.  I find too often, that I pray because I want something.  Less frequently, I pray just to be in the presence of my God, Power, One, and listen.  So that is my parting 2021 thought.  God is with you.  Let it be enough.  Be still.  Listen.  Oh, and go to bed early and sober.  

Birthdays

 I think today is the birthday of Carol Ann Kennedy, who has another last name now.  I remember some birthdays besides my family.  I remember my college roommates birthday, and a friend I met in the seventh grade, and one of my Paulist associates when I was in Knoxville.   There are a few others too and they all had some significance in my life I guess, at a certain time.  I learned from them.  I am what I am today in part because of people in my life.  Now, hardly anyone remembers my birthday.  My insignificance will keep me humble.  Humility is a good thing.  So don’t get upset if no one remembers your birthday.  Spiders have to live someplace making their cobwebs.  Why not your mailbox?  

Walk Away

 Some people ask me why I left everything of my work in parishes and came to the monastery, this out of the way place.  Well, as I see it, Jesus, who I am supposed to be following, was rather busy making a living as a carpenter.  He made stuff for people and helped to build houses, repair houses, help in the fields at harvest time, and was an eldest son in the family.  Then he went to the desert.  Maybe he started out with short visits for some solitude and silence.  But eventually he went.  It is where John the Baptist found him.  And from there Jesus knew what to do next.  Back in Nazareth, his hometown, many thought he was crazy.  Follow your heart.  

A Plan

 We are coming up on "New Year's Resolutions."  I met a guy once, who said to me, "I have decided to stop drinking."  I said, "What is your plan?"  His plan was to stop going to bars and avoid the liquor store.  That is not a plan.  That is like someone who plants a seed in rocky soil, and does not water it.  It is magical intentions.  Gardening is daily work and not always easy.  If you don't stay on top of it, the weeds, critters in the ground will win out and you will have a mess.  If you intend to be a gardener, maybe get some advice on how to do it from someone who does it well.  So if you are going to make a resolution for 2022, "What is your Plan?"

Hiding

 I have a disconnect between interior behavior and exterior behavior and it shows up most embarrassingly when I am at worship services.  I look good on the outside, praying with the monks or presiding at mass, but my crazy mind is all over the place with judgments and resentments and what not.  I will be listening to the words in the ritual, and have a thought, that will trigger other thoughts, that trigger scenes in my imaginings, and then suddenly I will come back into the presence of the ritual and find I missed a lot.  My body never moved, but my mind whet hither and yon.  Ever have that happen to you, driving, at work, in a room of people, at a meeting?  Are we crazy or what?  Well, at least we are physically there.  That counts for something.  And we get to exercise humility.  

Rock Or Sand

There is a wisdom story about where one builds their house, on rock or sand.  It is easier and softer to build on sand than rock but when bad weather comes, storms, floods, wind, the house on sand blows away.  It only hold us in the good times.  So it is with faith, recovery, or commitment to anything of deep value.  I meet many a person who had religious faith early in life, child-like, but when tough times came in the growing up years, they abandoned faith.  God did not come through for them.  And there are people in the pink cloud of recovery when things are going their way.  Then the tough times come, real life troubles, and they go back to their first solution, addictive stuff.  I have to watch myself and make sure that my commitment is "for better or for worse, in good times and in bad."  This is the house built on rock.  

Merry Christmas!

It is very early in the morning now and I am just out of bed, getting ready for our Vigil prayers in the darkness of the chapel.  Like a good child, I went to sleep last night, trusting and hoping that Santa would not pass our monastery by in these remote mountains.  I hung my empty red stocking up downstairs before I went to bed.  I have hope that Santa left me something.  But no matter what, I intend to have a good day.  Why?  Because it is not up to others to make my day good for me.  It is not their job.  Like Santa, they might have other priorities, and thinking about me and my serenity is not in their purview.  Serenity, peace and joy is my job, and I no longer try to do it alone.  I have a Power that today shows its presence in a manger as a baby.  What a gift.  Never alone.