Forgotten

My experience is that there are three stages in the life of a a priest and a community. It might be thus for all people. The three stages are, beloved, missed and forgotten. While the priest is living in the community he serves, he is beloved. This assumes a lot of competence of course on his part. I will assume it for the sake of my example. Then he goes away. For a while he is missed. If he is replaced by an incompetent, he will be missed as long as the incompetent is in place. But if he is replaced by a competent person the missing time is significantly shortened. Then he is pretty much forgotten.

I have gone back to communities where I used to work. The forgotten stage is when it is no longer a big deal that you are visiting. Competent people are doing the job. Your presence will no longer change the pattern of peoples' coming and going lives. This has helped me to realize what effect the "beloved" stage has, or how real it was in the first place. I no long take my "importance" so seriously. I can and will be replaced quite nicely by others over time. To make a great effort to keep people in the "missing" stage is really quite silly and a poor use of energy.

When someone dies, who misses them and for how long? Wonderful things are said about them at their funeral. It is a bit like a going away party. They are missed for a while by the general community and then pretty much forgotten. At an anniversary we say, "Oh, it has been that long since so and so died?" The only people who keep in the beloved stage and the missing stage are family relatives. No one will replace your mother on the family staff.

Let's stop taking so seriously how important we are, think we are, or people tell us we are outside of blood family. Relax. If you have some inkling of doing some new and different things, changing some patterns of how and where you spend your time, don't worry so much about your fans or co workers, community. Believe me. They can adjust. You might ask which stage you are in with relation to God. Forgotten? Who moved on?