Fear

Recently, I identified a feeling that I had, fear.  So I sat down to make a list of my fears. For the life of me, there was nothing specific.  I had general fear.  What to do?  When this happens, I remind myself that I am loved, and not crazy.  Other people have fear.  I might tell someone about my general fear.  But I also try to do something specific to be helpful, to make the world around me a bit better place.  There are job related things, such as preaching, teaching, doing sacraments, but those may not be available at the moment. I can always do something in the house or the office, or ask someone how they are doing.  On Sundays at our rectory in San Francisco, by the afternoon, our dining room is pretty trashed.  The cook has not been there since Friday, and though there are nine priests here, "no one is in charge."  I might then clean up the kitchen, put dishes in dishwasher, or empty clean dishes from the dishwasher and set the tables for Monday morning breakfast.  Does anyone notice?  NO.  But it makes me feel better when I am useful.  Cooking a meal can do this too.  In the office, I can put out some chocolate, go see someone in their office, write a snail mail letter to someone.  Doing nothing when feeling fearful only makes things more acute in a negative way.  Sometimes, I think fear might be the doorway to growth.  I prefer a wider, easier door to open, but you know about the narrow way advice of the sages.  Good grief!  There has to be an easier, softer way.