More Air Supply

As people enter the venue for the music concert, we are separate individuals, with our own issues, wounds, current concerns, and we sit down in our parade seats.  We know in our heads that we are all there for a common purpose, but we as do not feel like a community bonded in that purpose.  Then Air Supply comes on stage and performs.  As the evening moves along, we begin to sing the familiar songs along with the performers.  We begin to stand, move together to the music.  We become a community of a shared experience that fills our bodies.  Afterwards we talk about and share our experience of the evening.  Unfortunately, church worship gatherings lack most of this.  These are too often non-communal experiences of singular people, staying separate from one another, each in their individual space.  They do not sing much at all, even if they know the words.  When the people file out no one talks much about the wonderful liturgy experience that they all shared.  That is why Christmas Eve services are so special because people feel some communal sense of one another together in some bonded fashion with familiar songs they all sing together.  I have experienced great communal church worship services and they are wow moments.  But they are rare in institutional religion for me.

Air Supply

Last night I took three women to the concert given by “Air Supply” a favorite group of mine.  They are not so much a group as two Australians who have been entertaining for 44 years, with lots of my favorite hit tunes.  The ladies are Moms, and Grandmoms, and all have lots of responsibilities.  But for this concert they got to put all aside and just be girls having fun, clapping and swaying to the music.  We even had an outdoor picnic before the concert.  I not only enjoyed the concert but enjoyed seeing them have such a good time.  One of the ways that I think we can love our friends is to help them to get out of their daily routines, work and other responsibilities and just have good healthy fun.  Unfortunately, I might have scandalized these good Catholic girls with my non-priestly singing along, clapping, dancing at my seat, and swaying along with the crowd.  I got into just being a guy having fun.  Can priests do that?  If you see someone on Facebook proported to be me exhibiting wild behavior or bubbling happiness, that would be me...doing a good deed!

Loneliness

Many young women, though not all,  come into addiction recovery programs with their baggage of loneliness.  It is of course not a unique feeling to them.  We all have it to some extent now or again.  These young women are beautiful, talented, and aching in the heart.  What is rare for many of them is a relationship with someone to whom they are attracted without sex, drugs and alcohol.  As they recover from the drug/alcohol, they still have a talent deficit in relationships with someone to whom they are attracted.  If they go out with someone and have fun together, enjoy each other's company, their recovering mind says, "Oh, we are dating.  We will make love."  Loneliness, undiagnosed, tends to lead them to jumping into things too soon.  You might say, "Sex is no big deal."  That is the problem.  Sex ought to be a big deal.  As a "no deal" it will not help with loneliness.  We all need to learn to be in company with people we love, enjoy, to whom we are attracted, without taking our clothes off or think "we are dating" as some prelude to something else.  In time, and with some spiritual practice, we can all discover that some of our best friendships come with our clothes on.  It is a good way to recover from loneliness.

Progression

I hear people in addiction recovery programs say they use the "tools" of the program so that they do not drink.  I see a growth progression in this that could benefit us all.  For instance, a person uses step ten to make an apology to someone for a wrong.  The addict does this "so that I don't drink."  At this point, it is to stay away from their addiction.  In time, they will progress to where they do things, use their tools of recovery, to become better persons.  They make an apology because they are trying to grow up in every phase of their life.  They are beginning to love themselves.  Earlier, they might have done a good deed because they are tired of being miserable. It is about survival not love of self.  With time, they begin to love themselves enough to believe they have enough goodness in them to be a good person, to develop the virtuous life.  Finally, they will begin to love others such that they will apologize for something because they sense a bonding, a love, a connection of the heart with the other person.  Loneliness begins to fall away.

Personal Salvation

Why do Christians make their religion one of personal salvation?  “Are you saved?”  “Do you believe?”  I thought that religion was supposed to be a program of action in the here and now.  We are not supposed to simply put up with this world, or be all about self on a daily basis, the success train of personal happiness.  It seems to me that religion is Love.  It is an action path, which is more than worship and following rules to get browny points for the afterlife.  What is “after” anyway?  Or “before” for that matter.  There is life, some of it as part of this earth in flesh and blood.  I have always been and will always be, but my earth time is to practice the program of love, self-less love. Love all the creation around me, not just people.  Love the earth.  I am part of it. This life is earthtime.  So if you are having one of those “I am not enough and no one will ever love me” days, recycle, pick op trash, call someone who has disappeared from life’s center stage. Will anyone say thank you? Me. Thank you.

Sign Of The Cross

Catholics are taught early on to make the sign of the cross.  There are various ways of doing it, but the idea is that we want to have an attitude of “becoming less.”  Less of what?  Less of a person who wants to be “more” as in more power, control, security, center of attention, popular, beautiful, rich, things we don’t need, to name a few.  The wisdom saying, “Lose your life to find your life,” would begin to make sense here.  The whole ageing process, getting old, is one of “less.”  We are losing a lot as we age.  But maybe we become wisdom figures and get more comfortable with “being the real me.”  We prioritize better when we are not so much into “more.”  We take up less space so that others may have some more needed space.  We downsize when we are older.  For the younger person, they spend more time, money and energy on becoming “noticed,” or popular, with accessories.  Disappearing from being the center of attention is really the contemplative way.  I have found it so in the monastery. Have all my friends forgotten me?

Apology

If you decide to approach someone you don’t like, to say, “I am sorry,” or “I apologize,” a way to make the best of it is to go with the attitude of helpfulness and forgiveness toward this person who you find disagreeable.  Will it make them change?  Not your job.  You are going to this person so that you will change for the better.  For recovery people you can find this in the eighth and ninth step of the twelve step program.  There is something about wanting to be helpful, or at least offering to be helpful to another person that does me good.  For one thing, it gets me out of myself.  Most of us know that when having a bad patch of time, we feel better when we do something helpful for another person or group.  Whining just makes a bad time continue as a bad time.  I try to be sufficiently helpless so that when a friend is having a stressful day at work, they can do something nice for me and we both feel better.  If there are no helpless people around you how will can ever be of service?  Oops!  I might be a little into self.  Better go do something good for someone.