Emotional Quicksand

 I was reminded of something called, "Emotional Quicksand."  It refers to such a frustration with reality that we begin to question our commitments.  Emotional energy takes over in response to some event(s) in our life, and we begin to sink into doubts from which there does not seem to be any escape.  For me, it might be, "Why am I in the monastery?  People and events are not being like they should!  I am getting out of here."  Substitute your job. location where you live, relationship you are in, and it is all the same response when emotions rule the brain and the will.  As a way out of this conundrum, I remind myself that I am having an emotional "episode" and it will pass.  Or as someone said, "This too shall pass."  

Hospitality

 You can give someone what is called “hospitality of the house.”  You welcome or allow someone a shelter, food, warmth, a bathroom.  Lots of partner relationships, and families, are not much more than humanitarians.  The humanitarian may say they love you, but what you don’t see or hear is the chatter in their heart.  They don’t yet have a love that respects the other as they are.  Instead, they mumble to themselves, the humanitarians, about how lazy, selfish, and useless someone is with whom they live.  Spiritual warfare battles at this level.  That is why “being of service” in any process, is important.  You often learn a lot about yourself, your interior attitude and judgments.  Maybe the person you serve will remain unchanged, but you will be changed the more you know about yourself and your inner conflicts.  

Empty Hands

 I have a crucifix on the wall of my room.  A lot of people are turned off by such an image, for one reason or another.  But I am not.  One reason is that the person on the cross, Jesus, in this instance, is empty-handed.  All is gone from his possessions, his power to do and live as he pleases, his stuff.  He is naked.  A lot about loss or in his case, letting go.  It recalls my focus on the process of the spiritual journey.  It is a lot about surrendering, letting go, becoming empty.  “Abandon yourself,” as Bill Wilson, the founder of AA would say.  Most of our addictive, debilitating behavior has to do with holding on.  You might let go of a relationship, a job, a substance, but that still leaves you with you, unchanged on the insides.  Pinned to a cross you cannot change much of anything anymore.  But then comes resurrection, a new freedom and a new happiness.  

My Church

 Today is my birthday.  I am pushing hard against the end of a decade in my life.  I reflect back on my Catholic Grade School and its gift in my early life.  However it was done in the Bronx, my religion was passed on to me both in my head and my heart.  Yes, I received Catechism, doctrine and rules for my head.  I remember them still.  But I received a faith, a way of life, that went to my heart and this is what keeps me on the spiritual journey, at the heart level.  I find today that there are many people, Catholic school people who did not get much for the heart.  They drifted off and are not on much of a spiritual journey with any transforming depth.  I have met a few people who say they are “in recovery” from some addiction, but it is not much more than knowing a few steps and avoiding their addictive substance.  It is recovery of the head.  The heart stays wounded and hungers for love, both the giving and the receiving of it.  

A Little Bit

 Abandon or surrender yourself is not about “a little bit.”  A little bit gets a little bit in return.  Some people want to be a little bit sober or a little bit spiritual, or have a little bit of God or Higher Power.  I have found that I get what I give.  If my spiritual life is going nowhere or around in circles it might be because I have not gone all in.  I have not met anyone drunk who is a little bit sober, but have met plenty of people who are on the way to their next drunk.  Do a little and get a little.  It is fine to start out small but be ready to build or expand.  Small is a beginning like in running a small distance.  It seems that vanity is one thing that makes us strive for an “all.”  Whoever said, “I want to be a little bit more beautiful or handsome?” 

The Sail

 If you have ever been sailing you know that it is a lot easier to move in a direction and with some rapidity, if the wind is in the sails, that is you are moving with the wind and not against it.  There are times for tacking of course, but the image I get is in being one with the wind.  This is how I want my spiritual life to be, moving me along like the wind in the direction I say I want to go.  I sometimes say I want to do this or go in this direction, but then do that or go fully off course.  My defects of character seem to become stronger than the spiritual wind that is present to help me.  And if there is no wind, no breeze?  Be still in the silence.  Patience, sailors!

Some One

 I loved the first grade at my Catholic school in the Bronx.  We had no kindergarten in my school, so I began with the first grade, to which my mother or sister walked me.  Why did I love the first grade?  Not because I loved school.  I was an average student.  My intellectual curiosity was not classroom based.  It was Sister Mary Phillip.  She was so very small.  She did not tower over us tiny kids.  But more importantly, she treated us boys, each as a person.  We were not "the kids," or "first graders,"  or "the class" or "everybody."  Sister did not assume we were all the same cookie cutter children.  We were each unique, with our own personal history and our own pace and way of learning.  I still try to practice this today.  When I start a zoom talk, I try not to say, "Hello everybody," because the listener is not an "everybody."  The listener is alone in front of their computer, with a silent hope that someone will recognize them as a person.  My blogs are not written for "everybody."  A blog is written for you.