The Ryans

I just said good bye to my two sisters. One will return to LA and the other to South Florida. I will go to San Francisco. We had a reunion in Florida. It seems that the Ryan kids never had a strong desire to stay where we grew up, around New York City and White Plains, NY. Many of our friends still live around where they went to grammar and high school. They never left. It was important for them to stay close to home. We were never like that. It was never our first priority.

I think this is why I could adjust to being in a missionary religious order. I could move to a new place. I could uproot myself. As I grow older I do not care much to move to a new place. I prefer to be around friends I have. I like my routines. I do not seem to be the missionary I once was. I don't much care to travel, except to see friends. I can be very active in this world that I know.

I am much more drawn to a chance to meditate, to the open time that routines allow for. When everything is new and different, there is too much busyness and chaos. The interior life suffers. It has taken me a long time to get to this space or place in my life. I still want to grow, but not see so many "new" things. I am not bored by my life. There is plenty of stimulation within me, with the connection to a deep place in my heart. Jesus never went to far from home, so why should I? Neither of us are running from anything. He never did, and I no longer care to.