It seems that many want to define marriage objectively. One man and one woman say, "I do," and then have sex and you have instant marriage. But I thought that my church said marriage is a sacrament, that is, a union that helps the couple grow in holiness. Now if you don't grow in holiness much less stay together, was it a marriage? Fifty percent of these unions end in divorce. Many others become "arrangements" and some just stay together out of desperation. What is it to grow in holiness? It seems it means to become like God. Deuteronomy 32:4 says of God, "Just and right is He." Abraham Heschel says that justice is giving each person their due, but that righteousness implies benevolence, kindness, and generosity. If the marriage is self-centered, uncaring for the poor, the suffering, the downtrodden, then I suspect it is not all that holy.
Now look at the gay and lesbian couple who many say are not married because objectively, it is not a man and a woman. But what if this union grows in holiness because of the union. What if this couple cares about the suffering in the world around them? If we define marriage as a dynamic, organic, growing union that leads to holiness through the love of one for the other, then we would not so much widen the definition of marriage, but in fact narrow it. There are far more heterosexual objective marriages, than there are holy unions. Many same sex unions are quite holy. But how would you know that if you shun all of "those people."
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Marriage can also be a sacrifice or caring for another. People marry young while they are still changing and then they can grow apart. But there is always something to love about another, or to give to another. Give and take. The spirituality of a marriage can be very subtle. Like most things in life, at times marriage is a cross we bear, but if we do it with love in the presence of God, it can still be a meaningful union.
ReplyDeleteI've lived with my beloved before and I've been married to him 37 years. There was a marked difference between living together and being married. Something about standing up before god, family and friends to pledge fidelity to the relationship changed it.
ReplyDeleteMore than being about the relationship between two people. Marriage is one of the pillars community is built on. It is bigger than the couple - that is probably why it is such a hot topic. But it doesn't matter the composition of the couple. As long as they are commited to each other and to the good of their community, the union can be good and holy.
I think God wants us to thrive and grow and having strong communities helps us to do that. Comited marriages make strong communities places where we take care of each other.