Suicide

When someone I love kills themselves, I think that I could have done more or done other, to prevent it.  I blame myself for missing something.  This happens especially when that person did a lot of good things.  We have hopes and expectations even, that the future will be good.  Do you really feel you could have done more for the skid row fellow who drinks himself to death?  You cut your losses there a long time ago.  No, it is the person who gives us hope at times, that bothers us the most.  Love is energized by hope.  

But we all have our demons.  We all have ways of killing ourselves slowly over time.  We call it a miserable life and it is always someone's or something's fault.  "If only," we say.  Every day that I skip my prayer, or act unkindly, selfishly toward others, is  day in which I am killing myself.  My demons are having a good run that day.  Why do I live like that?  Is there anyone else to blame for not fixing me?  Is anyone else at fault?  We can blame outside forces for bad things that happen, like losing a job, or partner/friend, but who to blame when we decide to destroy ourselves?  No one.  People who blame themselves for others' decisions to end it all, are living the delusion of omnipotence.  We can all get help to face our demons, but it is only help.  Sometimes, the demons win.  But God loves us even then.  The demons win a around.  God wins the battle for our soul.  Guilt is no good.  Grief for a loved one no longer in skin, makes more sense and is the road to healing for the loving survivors.