Me Not Them

Many people who read my blog are much better people than I am in thought and deed.  So maybe they like to read me because it makes them feel better about themselves.  "Father Ryan is so bad, or so messed up, or so full of faults, that I am glad I am not like that,"  or something to that effect.  So here is another fault.  "I don't belong."  I don't fit in."  "I am different."  This sense or feeling of not belonging, when it raises its powerful head and commands moments in my life, leads me to  generally blame whatever group I do not feel part of.  I have found over time a pattern.  The issue is not about the group.  The group is just the group not to be judged by me.  What needs to be worked on and changed is me.  This is hard work.  If the group needed to change, I could just walk away, judging them, and saying I cannot change them, though I am better than they are.  Or I might say that the group is wonderful but I am dreadful and hopeless.  In either case, I take no action.  I have learned that when I focus on me and what needs to be changed in me good things can happen.  Like what?  First, stop feeling sorry for myself.  Second, see if I can be helpful to someone else, without my ego getting in the way.  Third, acceptance of the group.  If I do one, two and three, then I often begin to have some tolerance without judgment.  After that?  Love. I am not quite there yet, but trudging.  Aren't you again glad you don't have my problems?