Being You

I do a work that I think is me, my calling, if you will.  I teach about prayer of silence and stillness.  Few attend out here in San Francisco.  Am I a failure?  I make little money to pay my bills.  I have no fame.  If that is the criterion then I am a failure.  But what if I did something that is really not me, who I really am, but does make money and gives me fame?  Is that a success?  Think of the rock star who ODs on drugs or a unhealthy lifestyle of sexual promiscuity.  What is success?  I think it is doing what is you, the unique you.  All else is done out of fear disguised as being practical.  I can be practical and survive, as in grabbing onto a buoy because I am drowning.  But for most of us, to be practical is often the way that we avoid the rough edges of discovering and living out who God made us to be.  OK. You don’t believe in God.  Then think of a life choice as doing what makes you comfortable in your own skin, that gives you a sense of accomplishment, of using your gifts regardless of who will recognize or pay you for it.  There will come a time, I suspect, when health will decide what I do.  That may be the aging process.  That is a limitation I cannot escape if I live long enough.  But I”d rather not put my own limits on what I do.  I recognize fear each day, so I don’t trip over it and fall into being someone I am not.