Loneliness

 I have always had a lonely streak in me.  I recall it from when I was a boy in the Bronx.  I had a friend named Paul.  I wanted to be like “best friends” sort of thing, but there was another boy across the street named Frankie.  When they got together either I was not invited or when with them, I did not feel I fit in. I think they were cousins of some sort.  When we moved to White Plains, the suburbs, it was summer.  A kid has a hard time fitting in with new kids in the summer.  They all had their relationships.  I did what I could, but I had those lonely blues.  When I went to school, it was a new school for me and 7th grade.  All the kids had years together.  I tried.  I think I enjoyed High School and College because everyone started out together and I had some friends from High School in College.  I felt that I fit in.  Summers were lonely and the post school of work was lonely.  I never really fit into the world of corporate business.  It all struck my loneliness streak.  Fast forward to the monastery.  It is a good fit here.  Rarely, so far, has the loneliness streak been tapped.  I am never lonely in deep meditation.  This may be why I believe there is a God.  I wonder if God ever gets lonely?  I give God time and attention on a daily basis, just in case.