By Force

 You cannot force yourself to become a monk.  For one, there is no one size fits all.  You are unique and on a search.  You are trying to find something.  But the process is one of being found.  You find yourself eventually in God, in some non-dual capacity that connects you to nature and people, wherever the encounter happens.  But God does the heavy lifting, though you do a lot of stuff, routines, daily commitments to practice.  God’s work is Grace, and it is most often hidden in your daily efforts, until finally you realized you have been conquered by love.  Grace works in your faithful commitments to daily life.  Is it not this way with many a vocation?  There is no one “Paulist” priest that you work to become.  You are to become yourself as a Paulist, and it will be unique within the dynamic of “priest.”  Marriage, Recovery are other paths one follows to find their truest self, conquered by love.