Abandon

People say that their world is a mess.  Why doesn’t God do something.  Then they become agnostics.  They miss the challenge to the believer.  The challenge is to abandonment to God.  When an alcoholic cannot stop drinking, they fox-hole a prayer to God to help them.  Nothing happens, so they become agnostics.  God did not come through.  It happens when someone loved gets sick and does not get well, or even dies.  More agnostic survivors.  These are all a call to surrender and abandon oneself to God or Higher Power.  Just ask a recovering alcoholic if they have surrendered.  They are witnesses to surrender and abandonment.  Agnostics move beyond resentment that things did not go their way.  Not much to resent if you are not even sure anything is out there.  In fact, the power may not be out there.  It might be in there.  

Omissions

Some people tell me, “I haven’t done anything all that bad.”  Oh!  Well  have you done anything all that good? A person goes to a recovery meeting and says they did something good.  Skipping the meeting, in their program would be bad.  OK.  So far.  But then did they try to be helpful to another person in the room?  Did they do any service in the meeting, taking some responsibility for the meeting, the whole apparatus of the program?  Saying you are powerless over alcohol isn’t going to get you very far.  Lots of people die, knowing exactly that, and not much more.  Lots of people get baptized and think they have arrived.  They are members of the right church.  Nothing more?  They will live a life of many omissions but not notice them.  Knowing our omissions can be a step in wanting to be better.  And if you don’t know how to be better, ask someone who is.  How will you know?  They will be more obviously active, putting in time, talent and service.  

The Senses

 Love is not about the senses, the feeling of love.  It is a decision.  It is a decision to abandon the self to God or Power, or Ultimate Reality, whatever is not you, but has your back.  You may feel love, but it is not necessary.  You can feel as dry as old bread.  Faith is when you abandon yourself to your God even when you feel nothing.  It is quite humbling to realize you don’t feel love.  Well, your God knows it but loves you anyway.  So do your practice every day.  Feelings are optional.  

Baptism

 Today is the anniversary of my baby baptism why back when.  How do I know?  I found the certificate in my parents’ files after they passed away.  I looked at it and asked myself, “Is this important to you, Terry?”  Because if it is not, then I might as well get on to some other life than being a mediocre priest who cares little about this key sacrament that changed my life.  I said, “Yes,” to my question.  I was given a Power I did not ask for or know about as an infant.  It was a Power that could change my life if I let it and cooperated.  In my circle it is called Holy Spirit.  I reflected on my YES in light of the Higher Power received in recovery.  The newly sober person, or dry, is given a gift of which they know little or nothing.  But if they don’t accept it and work with it, they will drink again and die of their addiction.  So, I like, love my Holy Spirit life.  It has saved me many a time from my character defects, weaknesses, and faults.  Recovery people remember the day they stopped their addiction.  Do you remember your baptism date?  

The Past

Addicts are reminded in recovery to never forget their past.  Well, for some of us, we don’t need great memories, because our past is not so past.  We still have these nagging habits and character defects, emotional binges, narrow-minded opinions and judgments.  They never seem to get very far into the past.  So what?  These can be ways to bring us to humility and surrender.  And it can show us that in some cases we are loved in spite of ourself.  I sometimes think that if people really knew me they would hate me.  Well, some people really do know me and they don’t hate me.  And they have their own faults which gives me a chance to love them just as they are.  What goes around comes around.   

Open Listening

 Why do so many of us just want to listen to people who agree with us, be it religion, politics or whatever?  Because we don’t want our perspective, our world view to be challenged much less changed.  Listening then requires a certain amount of humility.  One of the reasons newcomers to recovery meeting don’t listen to what is said early on is that they lack humility, at least.  A closed mind is really a prison of sorts.  Recovery and growth of any sort is a freeing from prison.  As Jesus, among others, has said, “The truth will set you free.”  

Expectations

 Expectations leave no room for surprise much less delight.  Expectation just get in the way.  When they don’t work out as we want, we get resentful, angry, and irritable.  Not much good will come from that.  It is all driven by ego which is easily enraged.  So why not turn from expectations to hope?  Hope requires a bit of humility and surrender to trust.  Ego is not much interested in all of that.  So today, I have hope and trust in a power that is not me.  I can do the footwork where necessary, but pray I stay with trust that God is at work.  Oh, I guess this takes a bit of prayer to keep me on the hope path.  

Pope Francis

 My boss is dead as of early this morning in Rome.  Though his age and health says I should have been expecting this, it still comes as a bit of a shock.  I was getting ready to enjoy the Boston Marathon, when the news flash came up about Francis I.  Our church is supposed to be closed today, the day after Easter to give everyone a bit of a rest after all the work of Holy Week.  But people will want to come and pray so I hope we can open.  This is a town with tourists and residents from all over the world.  They will all be affected by the death of our Pope.  He was a good person, priest and leader.  Death changes the plans of the still living for sure.  Let us pray for one another and may Francis Rest In Peace.  

Pride

 False pride is like rubbing two wet sticks together trying to start a fire.  “I can do this on my own,” is what such pride says.  I don’t need any other power.  It is false hope and blind powerless expectations.  Many an addict has tried to control their life in this way.  Others of us try to get things done while avoiding any sense of a need for help.  Prayer is the dropping of the two wet sticks and saying, “God, I need you.  I cannot do this on my own.”  And then when the inspiration of Ultimate Reality comes, remember to say “Thank you.”

Happy Easter

 Why is it that when you walk into a church, especially a Catholic one, you might notice flowers, plants, maybe trees around the front door if not the church grounds?  Because it is all about a Garden.  Creation began for us in a garden, Eden.  We were supposed to be gardeners. We messed up.  Gardening tends to get us out of ourself and into the things we are planting.  We won’t have control, power or esteem because we cannot control the growing and blooming process.  And we must have patience.  Maybe even gardening prayers.  Well, that was not Adam and Eve or most of us for that matter.  The fruit does not fall far from the tree.  So another re-creation had to be done.  This one would model selflessness and love for others.  Jesus came along and was killed.  So much for love.  He was buried in a garden as part of this new creation.  When we enter the church we are reminded of those gardens.  He is Risen!  And which garden will we be in and attend?  And if in the selfish, ME garden, the mass gives us help in the Eucharist.  God never gives up on us.  

Idols

 Why do we try to emulate pop music stars or any entertainment people and groups?.  In singing, the lyrics are often uplifting, as is the music, but the lifestyle of many of these people is in need of recovery of one sort or another.  For many, the purpose is for money and ego.  Money buys what destroys them, but we wear clothes like theirs and hair like theirs and so on.  I try to follow people who I meet who are trudging along trying to be the best person they can be one day at a time.  They are not spectacular in a media market sense, but they are my heroes and keep me on a good spiritual path.  And it costs me almost no money.  

Three Strikes

 Baseball season is upon us.  Three strikes and you are out is part of the game.  You get three chances to hit the ball thrown over the plate for a strike.  Now Jesus of Nazareth, known to Christian believers as the Christ, God, said some very wise things.  One thing he said is, “Forgive seventy times seven.”  This attitude is a lot better than baseball forgiveness.  You might ask yourself what benefit did you ever get by holding onto a resentment rather than forgiving someone?  The person you refuse to forgive does not change whether you forgive or not, but you are worse off.  Now my San Francisco Giants begin their season and it has been a decade since they won a World Series.  Looking at the rooster, I must have hope but be ready for forgiveness.  I have had a lot of practice over these ten years.  

My Own Skin

 When I am in a group of people and feel uncomfortable I sometimes say it is because of something about the group or persons in the group.  It may be what they say, or how they look or some other thing out there.  But over time I have found that when I am uncomfortable it is not because of anything on the outside.  It is because I am uncomfortable in my own skin.  Self-centered fear is inside stuff as opposed to some real thing on the outside to fear, like an oncoming train.  I have learned to sit there in my discomfort and surrender it to God.  The discomfort always seems to go away.  And if it does not it might be because I am full of fear and shame or whatever, that has nothing to do with the group.  So I talk to some stranger after the gathering, in spite of wanting to run out of the meeting as soon as it ends.  Works for me.  

Functional

 One can be “functional, if their life is measured in material things, but still be a mess.  There are functional believers who have the right catechism and go to the worship services but their life is so empty still.  There are functional alcoholics who still have a lot of material things, such as car, house, job, family, but their insides are a mess and they are feeling the pain from drinking.  “Functional” is a stop along the way to disaster and total loss given the time.  One never gets into a reverse on their own.  They have to surrender.  Otherwise, they will be functional while selfish, fearful and resentful/angry.  I find it best to examine my heart, my insides, through meditation each day, to see where I might be merely functional rather than happy, joyous and free of the mess for that day.  

Feed The Hungry

 I don’t feed the hungry or clothe the naked or visit those in prison.  I am not much for such social justice issues.  But I am not discouraged because I do try to feed those who are hungry and thirsty for spiritual growth.  Their heart may be a bit undernourished with the food it needs so they can get out of their own way and become more useful to those around them.  I did an online, zoom teaching recently and but 13 people attended.  Though it seems like a small number, it is 13 people who hungered for interior growth and maybe I helped some of them.  I do these blogs for the same reason.  I try not to worry about how many hits I get, and just keep trudging along.  I get to meet several times a week with people who hunger, like me, for spiritual growth.  And sometimes they help me by something they say.  There are many hungers, and we can all take part in giving and receiving.  

Wrong Product

 Trying to recover from an addiction on your own is like trying to clean off a stain with the wrong cleaning product. We all know about trying to find the right cleaning material, spray, sponge, liquid, powder, and so forth.  The stain of addiction does not respond to self-cleaning.  The self is what got you into the addictive behavior in the first place.  Recovery programs are like finding the right cleaning product to work on the stain of addiction.  And it needs daily scrubbing just like any cleaning.  Neglect leads to the stain, dirt, mess coming back.  If you dribble food onto the front of your shirt, blouse, top, then you need a bib.  You may always be a dribbler but the bib keeps the stain from getting onto your clothes.  Recovery Programs are the bib.  

Self-Interest

 God loves atheists and agnostics without them loving God.  God loves then, without self-interest.  When I think about it, I, who am supposed to be a believer, don’t always love God.  But that does not stop God from loving me in my self-centeredness.  We believers are supposed to love God as God loves us and then love our neighbor the same way.  This means that I am supposed to love my neighbor even if my neighbor does not love me.  Yikes!  I got a long way to go.  I am more likely to judge my neighbor than to love them.  Thank you God for not being like me.  

New Start

 What is a new start?  Often enough it is simply walking away from a failure and just repeating it again under new circumstances.  A person who has no talent for being married, ends up divorced and just “makes a new start” by getting remarried.  This is not a plan.  There are no new starts without a plan.  Why don’t people come up with a new plan?  Because they think they have enough power to fix things themself.  No reflection.  No asking for help or getting second opinions from people who have had success in whatever you are trying to do or escape.  Alcoholics decide to stop drinking but have no plan.  They think their will-power is enough.  They drink again and again.  No plan.  So if you want a new start don’t try to do it yourself.  We cannot fix ourself.  Find the people who are successful at what you are trying to do.  Find mentors.  

The Beam

A gymnast does exercises on a beam.  They walk on it, balance, twist and turn.  Sometimes they fall off.  What then?  They just pick themselves up and get back onto the beam.  A cowboy/cowgirl in a rodeo falls off the horse or bull.  What does the cowboy or cowgirl do?  Get up and gets back onto the animal.  Falling off is not failure.  It is part of the learning experience.  So if you fall off of something, fall off the wagon, as they say, or fall out of something, it is all about a learning experience.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Just get up and try again.  Learning requires preparation and experience with failure.  In sports you fail a lot, but just try again.  No one is perfect.   

Shy

 Shy can be just another name for being full of self.  Not always but often enough that it is worth looking into.  If you are in a group and think of something to share but decide to remain quiet, why is that?  It just might be that you have “fear” of sounding stupid or in the minority, or maybe you will lose acceptance/popularity.  Is this not all about you?  That is when one is full of self.  Or maybe you have the “fear” of being ignored, that is, you will say something and no one will respond.  They will just change the subject or go on as if you said nothing or were not even there.  Is that not again all about you?  Being so self-conscious can just be another name for being full of self.  So maybe speak up.  The meeting is not all about you anyway.  

Faith

 Some people say they don’t have faith in a god, but they do believe in a process.  Faith is about a thing, a noun.  Belief is about a power, action, a verb.  People in recovery believe in the process of the twelve steps.  Recovery is about action, not catechism.  The God I believe in is a verb.  My belief is that if I take certain actions in accordance with teachings then my life will be better on the insides.  If I want a sane lifestyle, I don’t ask my God to give it to me but to help me do the right action to live a sane life.  My God gives in accordance with my actions.  I learned this the hard way because I am not otherwise too bright.  Grace is for action.  

Fix It God

 “If God exists, why doesn’t God do something about all this mess in the world?”  Thus many a believer becomes an agnostic or an atheist, if they ever believed at all.  Well, I, having felt saved on a daily basis from a life of dissipation and calamity, believe that my God is working in the world by working on me.  It is a cop out for me to blame God for world problems when I won’t lift a finger to do something right around me to make the world a better place.  I need to let go of self-preoccupation and then I will see more clearly what I can do.  If I don’t change for the better why complain about the world not changing?  

Feeling Better

 People often join things in order to feel better.  They don’t really want to change, but just feel better.  For instance, someone joins a religion, gets baptized or whatever is called for, goes to the services and meets a few people.  This makes them feel better than when they had no religion.  But soon enough they drop out because either they no longer feel better or they feel well enough that they don’t “feel” a need for all this church stuff.  My church has a lot of adults who join and are gone within a year.  In Recovery it is often the same thing.  Lots of newcomers who want to feel better.  But they don’t really want to change.  They just want to feel better and not drinking for a while does that for them.  But they have no interest in interior change, which requires some work, like the twelve steps and being of service to the group.  They stay for a while, say all the right things, and then disappear.  Feeling better is not a motive for conversion of heart and head.  

Fasting

 Lent is a time of fasting for many church believers.  Well, atheists and agnostics in Recovery Programs fast too.  From what? From being too busy to talk to the newcomer in the room.  When someone new comes into the meeting room, they are yoked to alcohol or some other substance.  They lack sustaining friendship and dignity.  They are marginalized and lack hope.  The newcomer is invited to share their name and anything else they would like to say.  But after the meeting, the regular members do not rust out to the next busy thing on their calendar.  A regular member in recovery walks up to the newcomer, introduces themself, offers a phone number and may even invite the newcomer for a cup of coffee somewhere.  This is fasting from self-preoccupation.  If the newcomer never is seen again, the member is helped to stay sober by reaching out.  Church going believers might keep all this in mind when the stranger shows up during Lent in their church service.  

Work For It

 Patience is good as someone said, but perseverance is better.  In any spiritual practice be it religion or recovery, you need to have patience that things are going to work out for the better in whatever practice you have.  Hope might be the connector between patience and perseverance.  You have to work at recovery or spiritual growth.  It does not happen just by sitting there and listening to a preacher or someone share their recovery process.  Such points in a direction, but direction is for a path and the path has to be worked.  This takes perseverance because the results are not so apparent early on.  Perseverance means discipline and following directions from those who have been or are on the path.  Growth comes “if you work for it.”

Bargaining Chip

 Prayer is not a bargaining chip.  We think if we give up valuable time in pursuit of our own interests we will get something through this “prayer.”  We afflict ourself with sitting there in quiet and stillness, trying not to pay attention to our restless, easily bored, self-focused mind.  I can change this spiritual power to my wants if I afflict myself with meditation or any prayer for that matter.  God will take note.  But prayer is not to change God or Higher Power.  It is meant to change us.  It begins with self-denial, the bitter taste of not getting our own way.  

Return On Investment

 I meet many a person who used to meditate.  They did it as a way to get a “return on investment.”  They wanted some payoff, pre-conceived from their time spent in silent stillness.  They got bored or mind-wandering instead, but mostly bored.  No payoff.  They were all about themself.  They could go to work and be bored, be married and be bored, do internet and be bored, but not meditate.  They at least got paid when they worked.  Or got to a destination after a long boring ride/travel.  We are so demanding of our prayer time, as if we have some control.  Patience and acceptance not required.  Thus we treat spiritual power as if it is a puppet at the end of our strings.  

Indifference

 I might be in a room with a group of people and I hear someone, maybe a stranger to me, talk about their present misery, their deflated life.  I think, “Boy I am glad that is not me anymore.”  Or, “This is a good reminder for me to keep doing whatever practice I have to avoid misery.”  OK.  I was helped by listening.  After the meeting, I have a choice:  go up to the person, or leave, or talk to buddies.  Indifference is a big loadstone in the way of growing up.  Pope Francis says it is the world’s biggest problem.  So I go up to that person and introduce myself and try to say something helpful.  Even if I feel helpless to that person, I have avoided my indifference.  

Your Gods

 Someone says, “I don’t believe in God!”  They might not believe in the religion God, but they may still have their gods.  Like what?  How about the god of fear, anxiety, money, self-esteem, and selfishness.  Anything that controls your life, or to which you pay daily attention, and is ruining your spiritual growth, becomes your god or gods.  I ask myself when I get up in the morning, “Who do I or will I worship today?”  My early morning actions and decisions then tell me who or what I worship.  If I get off kilter a little, getting together with fellow spiritual travelers during the day, gets me back on track.  

Strangers

 When you walk into a new group or new worship community, everyone is a stranger.  It is like a new job.  You might say, “I will never get to know all these people, their names and stories.”  A way that I look at it is to say to myself, “These are friends I simply have not yet met.”  People like home parishes, home groups, anything with home in it because it is the familiar.  We feel part of.  OK. So then what about the “stranger” who comes into your “home” whatever?  How do you respond?  This new person is not a stranger, but a friend you have never met.  Get out of your comfort zone.  Get out of yourself.  Oh, and Happy April Fool’s Day!