The Invitation

 I have realized that within any vocation, career, recovery, there is an interior call, a special task within the vocation, unique to each person.  I am a priest, a Catholic one.  I have come to realize that there is the generic vocation to be a ‘priest.”  But not all priests are the same, act the same or focus on the same things within their vocation.  I have a “call” if you will, within my vocation to be a priest in a certain way or activity that is meant to be of help to others.  I will be most helpful to the extent that I do not try to be like everyone else or fit in with other priests.  So some see me as odd, or different, or wrong in my vocation.  That is because I am not them, I hope.  It is the same in any vocation.  Not all parents are the same though they all have the vocation to be parent.  So too with teachers, and so on.  In recovery, each person has a call to live out their recovery in some unique way for them.  Meditation can be a great help in finding and staying in touch with this call within your vocation.  

Raging Silence

 Deep meditation is about taming the raging silence that we must encounter if we are going to get beyond the superficial exterior chaos and into the interior chaos.  Yes, there is an interior chaos full of our fears, unrest, narcissism, and confusion.  But beyond this interior chaos are our deepest hopes, our fullest feelings.  So you begin by being still and doing nothing.  You can do nothing, but not be very still.  Or you can be still but oppressed by the chaos around and within you.  Listen to the silence, without headphones.  Close your eyes.  Yes, this is all a tough start.  But so is any growth beyond the superficial.  There is so much more to you than what you wear, your job/career, relationships with others, where and how you live, and even your exterior spiritual practices, sobriety meetings and steps.  Fall into the arms of the One, Ultimate Reality, Higher Power, your God.  

Vending Machine

 I remember the time many years ago when I got fired from my very good and promising job.  I had called in sick which was not quite the truth.  My boss called back later in the day and said I was fired.  What did I do?  I got dressed in my business suit and went to church.  I had a vending machine God.  I wanted something from God: my job back.  So I went to visit the church near my office and pressed the button, like on a vending machine, “get back my job.”  My pay was promises.  Then I went to the office and met my boss’s boss.  He said, “Terry, this is the best thing for your life.”  I cried.  Then I left, newly unemployed, and got drunk.  So much for the vending machine God of my shallow spiritual life.  I have learned, slowly, to drop the vending machine god, and pray that my God’s will be done, and I become the best person I can be.  Do you have a vending machine god?  Oh, and if you are looking for a blogger who has a a pristine past, you might want to delete me.  

Partially

 Do I live “partially,” that is not becoming all of my truest and best self?  A person on a spiritual path is trying to become “the rest of themself.”  How do we do this?  I think it is at least in part, how we treat others, especially those who cannot give us much of anything in return.  It could be a poor person, a street beggar, an addict deep into their addiction.  It could be someone in front of you on the supermarket line.  You do not feel compelled to be kind, engaging, or compassionate, much less forgiving, but you do it anyway.  You don’t even expect a thank you.  Go into any group setting.  Who is sitting alone?  Or looking about nervously?  Live partially.  Just go be with your friends or people you know or for some need you have.  Or become the rest of your best self.  On my better days, I try to talk to the person others are ignoring.  Often, there are surprises.  

Fallen Petals

 It is said that when the petals are removed from a flower, the flower gives its best perfume.  Less can be more.  What an image for the spiritual path!  Accumulation does not always mean a movement toward our best self.  Renunciation is often the best way to become more our true self.  Where did self-centeredness ever get you?  Or always wanting more?  Nature, the flower, can teach us a better way.  In addiction, you get less with more.  In recovery, you get more with less.  Christianity has the cross symbol.  The desert experience of simple life-style can teach us much.  How can I be of service, rather than how can I get more, often leads to a much more fulfilling day.  

the Unlimited

 A drink can give you some happiness.  But it cannot give you unlimited happiness.  It cannot give you “more.”  A drink is not divine.  It is a concrete reality.  Concrete means limit.  When one begins to worship a drink, that person wants unlimited happiness from a concrete reality.  Obviously, it will not add up.  Eventually, their solution to unlimited happiness kills them.  The drink became the idol, a false god.  So much for the idol worshipping alcoholic.  But what about yourself?  What or who is your idol?  What are you using, that is concrete, in trying to get “more” than the concrete can give you?  And why do you want the unlimited “more”?  I have become a God-Meditator because I have this desire for the unlimited, but have sort it in concrete things and been disappointed.  And my desire for the unlimited is no longer in some concrete happiness.  The unlimited cannot ever be satisfied by the concrete, by the created stuff, be it persons or things.  It is a legitimate desire, the unlimited, but can only be found in something that is unlimited.  Thus my God, or Higher Power, One, Ultimate Reality.  I have found it nowhere else.  

Getting Along

 If you want to get along with any group or person(s), you will have to learn to forgive, and at times even carry their burdens.  I have learned this living in the religious life and especially living in a monastery.  In a monastery, I cannot simply go off to work and avoid unpleasantness.  Each day we are thrown together in our schedule of choir and meals.  We share facilities.  Not much for private bathrooms.  Lots of being together.  Men can be hard to live with, if they grew up with Mom taking care of them and then joined some institutional living situation.  Such men are not much for housekeeping.  And we all bring our baggage with us.  There is no divorcing if you stay here.  But in other groups, associations, recovery, partnering, there has to be forgiveness.  We are not perfect.  Judgment, criticism, false pride, ego-centricity are the ruin of any communal living or meeting.  So my June resolution is to be more forgiving.  Maybe after this month it will become more of a habit.  But for now it is in my daily prayer.