Forever Dawn

 I have a sense of my smallness when I look out at the stars before the dawn.  At the ocean especially, the clear sky can be the best.  While I have been sleeping or ignoring the Creator, the stars keep attending to their maker.  And when the dawn comes and passes I realize that it is only passing for me and for everyone on this small planet.  It is always dawn somewhere in this universe for God to enjoy.  There are many planets and many suns.  What gives me joy, solace, and peace is that this God would pay any attention to me.  As tepid  and thoughtless as I might be on any given day, God is here, patient and loving.  My God can be everywhere and yet right here.  So I won’t try so hard today to be important, but rather loving, and attentive to others even if they ignore me.  My smallness need not be an obstacle to love.  

Craziness

 Some people in addiction recovery tell me that they struggle with the acceptance of a Higher Power to restore them to sanity.  I think that they miss something that goes before the acceptance of a HP.  the second step says whatever they believe to be their HP will restore them to sanity.  So they first have to admit they are crazy.  Otherwise, what is this “restore to sanity” stuff about?  If you look down upon people who practice or believe in spiritual stuff and say, “Only crazy people believe in God!” Then you quality!  You are crazy.  You stuck yourself with needles, ingested mind altering stuff, so you are are crazy.  Should be a short step to accept the HP is working in your life.  

Equality

 I would not make too big a deal about equality.  In relationships I try not to focus on equality, or sharing equally, or being equal.  Why?  A relationship for me is all about changing me and not changing the other person.  People get married, or partner up with the idea that after they commit, then they will change the other person to suit themself.  In the monastery, I am not equal to the other monks.  I am not a monk. I don’t get to attend their community meetings.  I cook for them.  They do not cook for me.  I bake.  They eat.  So what?  They won’t change.  That is not why I am here with them.  I want to be changed on my insides.  No resentment.  No judgment.  Acceptance.  Humility.  Being of service.  They help me to become a better me, by just being themselves.  Priests who think they are better than the people they serve, just don’t get it.  To be subordinate has a lot of wisdom to it.  The ego disagrees.  

Alone

 Just because you are alone does not mean you are in solitude.  If you are by yourself, yet thinking you are better than others because of your “solitude” it is not solitude.  If you are alone thinking about yourself, comparing and contrasting yourself, you are simply isolated.  You may be merely resting from having to put up with others.  Solitude begins when you stop thinking about yourself in relation to others, when you begin to have humility for your shortcomings and begin to see how you can be of service to others.  Service will develop in your compassion, forgiveness, acceptance of others, not in your judgments. I can tell when I am simply escaping and when I am truly in solitude.  

Empty Void

 Some of us have an "empty void" inside us.  We try to fill it up with "more."  It can be stuff we buy, things we ingest, changing our outside look, partnering up or sex focus.  None of it works.  These do not touch the insides.  Friendships that are selfless, helping others, meditation, gardening, cooking, walks for absorbing nature can all be what feeds the insides.  I know if I am filling the empty void or not by my attitude to people, places, and situations in my life.  Resentful, judgmental, whining, self-pity, irritable, restless, are all signs that I am still empty.  Each day, I must attend to filling myself with that which will make me free.  And a little happy and joyful.  

Be Found

God cannot be found by our searching as one searches for something hidden.  Such a search assumes we know what God looks like, and only need to look in the right place and there find God.  “Oh, there you are God,” as if we had some concrete notion of God.  Faith does not have an image or mental concept.  Those are the empty things religions argue over, and even kill to prove their concrete image is the correct one.  Prayer, if it goes deep enough, lets go of these infantile images, allows us not to find God but to be found by God.  Then we will come to know ourselves and say, “Oh, here I am.”   

Thanksgiving

I hope you are having a good Thanksgiving.  I am thankful today that people act their natural way.  Actually, my thanksgiving is that I do not get upset that they fail to act the way I want them to act.  It used to bother me that people are the way they are.  They were simply being themselves, while I wanted them to be someone more in keeping with my own program for happiness.  You could call it life on life's terms or acceptance.  The important thing is, I don't get upset within myself, muttering at "imperfections" in others.  My happiness, peace, spiritual growth cannot be waylaid by the behavior of others.  It is my own inside job.  Let people be themselves.  They may have good reasons for that of which I am not privy.