Peter felt very guilty that he denied Jesus. Guilt can freeze us up, make us ineffective. Jesus appeared to Peter two times, and told him to go and talk about Jesus Risen. Instead, Peter goes back home and decides to go back to fishing. See John chapter 21. He could have used a 12 step program: how to do good when you are feeling badly. Anyway, Jesus comes a third time and invites Peter to sit down and share a meal that Jesus prepared. I bet Peter feels a whole lot less guilty now. He feels forgiven. Jesus wants more. Forgiveness does not change us. Love does. Jesus says that if Peter loves him, then Peter will stop doing as he pleases and allow himself to be led, even in ways he does not favor. "Your will, not mine," is the saying.
If you betray a friend, you might feel guilty when you run into that person. If they forgive you, you will feel better, even reconciled. But you won't have changed. You did not love the friend enough in the first place, or else you would not have betrayed them. My Mom forgave me plenty of times, but I still was a selfish kid and did what I pleased. I said, "I love you," but then so did Peter. It was not a love sufficient to overcome my self-will run riot. You can go to confession or do a fifth step and feel a whole lot better. But it does not make you more loving. That is why there are twelve steps and not five. Jesus knew what he was doing with Peter. Eventually, Peter got it. He got crucified. No wonder we don't fancy letting go of self-will.
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Didn't Paul visit Peter's house and spend a few days? What a retreat that must have been! does the scripture tell us much of what that meeting was like? No one there taking notes I guess. I imagine they ate fish with a glass of chablis? Paul must have asked, what was Jesus really like?
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