Inwardness

Without an interior prayer life, or "inwardness," as some would call it, I believe that I would make Christianity into whatever makes me feel comfortable.  If I feel comfortable going to church on Sunday, and obeying the Ten Commandments, then that is what I will call "Christianity."  Keep a few rules and laws.  But true Christianity is not supposed to make me feel comfortable.  Yes, when I am a mess, and ask God to forgive me, this is comfortable.  But only for a moment, the moment when I experience forgiveness.  The reason I want to be forgiven is because of some wrong I did, and this wrong came from some character defect in me, some ongoing fault let's say.  Now Christianity becomes less comfortable because it is all about change.  I need to change, but left to my own devices I have not the ability to change.  I need God.  I can read scriptures and see how I am supposed to be living in relation to my neighbor.  I find it daunting.  Going to church on Sunday did not make it less daunting or give me the wherewithal to do better.  I need God, or Grace.  I know what to do and struggle to do it.  Christianity is hard when you are not perfect.  I get strength from my interior prayer life.