Grant

There is a famous prayer that begins, "God, grant me the serenity..." and goes on from there.  I am reminded that the word "grant" means gift.  You don't earn a grant.  It is a gift.  You cannot do much to get it, but ask.  It is a way to keep you right sized.  When you write for a research grant or tuition grant, and get it, you are beholden to the giver, one would hope.  But I have found that what many people really mean when they say this prayer is, "God give me what you owe me for my being so good and working so hard to stay better than I used to be."  I have found that I can be doing the same spiritual stuff each day, or what I call spiritual, and some days I do feel serene and others not so much.  I get to whining about howI  have been abandoned or am being punished for past misdeeds, or God just hates me.  I equate my good deeds with earning an IOU that God should honor.  I miss out on the gift of life.  So much is gift.  Joy comes when I realize how little control I have and how blessed I am inspite of myself.  Then I begin to practice good behavior because it serves someone else, or makes the world a better more compassionate place.  Don't you have days when you simply cannot get out of yourself?