Yesterday I gave a sermon on the Great Commandment, which is basically love God with all you got and love your neighbor too. Well I don’t do either. You might have my problem. I cannot love God with my whole mind, because my mind is filled up with resentments, complaining thoughts and judgments about the behaviors of other people. Like what? Well for years, 48 I believe, I have lived in community with men. They lack the perfection I think they ought to have. They use up the last of some food and never write anything on a grocery list. They use up the last tissue and leave the box empty instead of going to get a replacement. They don’t screw the lid on properly on a jar. I have picked up jars by the lid and the whole jar crashed on the floor while I held nothing but the lid. They don’t wrap food properly so as to keep it from spoiling in storage. So God gets only a “piece of my mind,” and that piece is complaining that God does not shape up these people. Imperfection reigns in shopping, on the street, in traffic, at work and so on. But a friend of mine reminded me that “perfection” is a concept. It is not reality. The real is human and it is imperfect. So I am learning acceptance. I am learning to see humans as a Grace for me. They are a check on myself. How am I doing in communal living? Am I loving or muttering? I cannot change anyone else and am not in this world to change others. I am here to be changed. So I try and practice silent tongue and still mind. In prayer and around the house I work on this. I want to give God my whole mind, heart, and all my inner self. I want to be happy joyous and free! How about you?
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I think that my husband's twin must be living along your fellowship, lol! Most often, I just sigh and go along my way and "fix" it, some days it's a flash of annoyance and perhaps a grumble while "dealing" with it, and others I remind myself that this may not even be my lesson to learn or situation to fix. Maybe it's as simple as I'm just an example of patience and letting go, or it's just that I have no idea who's lesson it is or my role and maybe I don't need to know. I just need to turn it over. But I don't expect myself to not be human no matter how much/or little sobriety I have, either. Blessings and deep breaths to you, Father Ryan. Thank you for always talking to my heart and for the smiles! Stay warm. :)
ReplyDeleteI change myself daily I cannot change the world or around me but myself only- like the river it just flow around and change course rather than badgering the hazard. I learn how to adapt learn perseverance, patient, love, empathy and happiness
ReplyDeleteI work in care home looking after dementia and end of life residents - there was this elderly lady severe dementia and always miserable i just showed her right hand look how tired miserable and angry the hand is now look at the left hand is smiling is happy and bliss look the smile and warmth you are feeling after that when she was getting annoyed she lifted her left hand and she smiled and forgot her sorrows