Oscars

 Before I went into the monastery where there is no TV, I used to like to watch the Oscars, awards for movie acting.  I admired the actors in the movies I saw.  Sane actors know they are acting.  The actor is playing a role.  It is a craft.  Unfortunately, there are people who are acting in real life.  There is no Oscar award for playing a part in real life that is not you.  You might make a living for awhile, or have a relationship for a while, but ultimately you will be a mess.  I tried to act like the priest I thought everyone wanted me to be.  I was popular and successful in what others called success.  But I was not me.  The priest part is good.  It is a real part of me.  But I no longer try to play a role to fit into other people’s wants.  And I try to keep my wants separated from my needs.  No awards worth having for trying to fit into other peoples’ wants.