Not Results

Do I write my blogs hoping for results?  I hope not.  I try to do the best I can in hope that what I am doing is worth the effort, that it is valuable, especially to me.  Is what I do truth?  If so, then it is valuable to me.  It ought not to matter how many people read it or say they like it.  I never know those numbers and it is just as well.  I believe that creation is valuable even if the results don't seem to be apparent.  When I teach on zoom, I don't worry about the number of people who tune in.  That is not under my control.  So I suggest that maybe you don't focus on results, of which you may have little control.  I think of it as "Life on Life's Terms."   

Forgot

 Well it seems I forgot to post a blog today.  My thought for today is that yesterdays can have an effect on their tomorrows.  If I have a bad day, some unusual mess that I self-create to some extent, I will repent, try and put it in the rear view mirror, but the next day, some of its emotional effects seems to linger, especially when I wake up.  So I try to work my good routines rigorously and stay vigilant.  It will pass in its own time, but is a reminder of my imperfections.  

Wishing Well

 Someone said, "I wish I never had drunk so much and become addicted."  Oh?  Examine that for a moment.  Maybe, in this case, drink was what led to a much better life.  How so?  Well, what if this regretful person has found a spiritual path, relationship, paying work, usefulness to others, healthy life style, none of which might have happened if they had remained alcohol free.  Maybe the addiction is the only way some people would get all these things in recovery.  I try to wake up with gratitude that I am given this gift of life for today.  Remembering the past can keep me on my toes.  But regrets for the past do no one any good.  

Encircling

 Some of us have issues with fear.  Where does fear come from?  Why does it seem to control our emotional life at times?  I think that lots of fears come from living in the past.  Coming into the world from the safety of the womb can be frightening enough, but then events happen in our lives that frighten us.  We relive them as adults, maybe in some other triggering adult event, but it is the same emotional history resurrecting itself from within our fear vault.  Burying fear does little good, and only short term.  Or we encircle fear with inadequate strategies, such as sex, drugs, drink, exercise, busy work or even violence.  I now try to slow down and admit that I am feeling fear, and see if it is coming from a past event relived in the moment.  I may even talk to someone about it.  But if it is past, it cannot hurt me now.  I can live only in the present if I want some sanity.  I will do this as often as needed until the fear becomes a memory, that I may use to help another suffering person.  

Grain Of Wheat

 A grain of wheat can teach me much about patience.  Grains have been found in places that prove they are thousands of years old, yet when planted they can still germinate.  That takes patience.  The grain must wait, trust that it has what it takes to germinate, and hope someone finds it and allows it to flourish.  So when you are wondering about your talents, don’t. Trust in yourself, that you have good within you.  Wait.  Hope.  Good things may yet happen.  Even at my age, I have not given up on myself to produce something new and nourishing for others.  There is a Good Power always at work, and it never gives up on you or me.  

Thanksgiving

 As the joke goes, “Who would listen to a drunk talking to themself?”  A few too many Thanksgiving Days, I would end up drinking too much and then say the next day, “I should give up drinking.”  I did not listen to myself, since I was a drunk talking to myself.  But now I am enjoying a sober Thanksgiving Day today.  I drink Martinelli’s Cider on this special day.  How did this happen?  I stopped listening to myself, and began to listen to others who were enjoying truly Happy Thanksgivings on a daily basis.  I never got anywhere in my resolutions simply by listening to myself.  Alone, I am delusional.  I look for others who are doing what I say I want to do, the winners.  I call it “Group Grace.”  Happy Thanksgiving.  

Why Wait?

 I hear people say, "I don't want to pray because I don't believe in God."  Now if their lives are a train wreck, completely out of their control, a mess, I suggest to them that they pray anyway.  "Why wait for faith?" I ask.  You really don't have to believe to pray.  Besides, what harm would it do you if your life has bottomed out to seeming helpless and hopeless?  So I don't wait until I feel like meditating, to meditate.  I don't wait until I am ready.  I have learned that if I wait till I am ready, or "feel like it," my life will begin to spiral into bad behavior and bad thinking.  Many times, I don't want to get up for 4:30 AM vigil prayer at this monastery.  But I don't wait for the urge.  I just get up.  Good habits become good habits by doing them regularly.  My body does not wait for my mind to catch up.  So pray.  Forget what you believe at the moment.  Prayer does not kill.  Bad behavior on the other hand can be lethal for many of us.