Shame And Love

Why do some churches tell people to love their neighbor while at the same time delivering shame and guilt for our human imperfections, our failure to follow the rules, or even wear the right clothes to worship service?  It seems to me that if you shame and guilt someone then they will not love themselves very much.  If you don't love yourself, why would you love others?  You might be co-dependent, but that is not love.  I know I am imperfect.  Being constantly reminded of that is not very good news.  The wisdom saying that Jesus quoted is, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself."  Love yourself in your humanness and then you can love others who are also imperfect human beings.