A Common Ailment

I sense that many a priest, for the first twenty years or so, and for some longer, they suffer a common ailment.  It is two-pronged.  Low self-esteem and fragile ego.  Usually they enter the seminary having accomplished little in their life beyond navigating higher education.  The seminary tells them how special they will be as priests, and this bandages the fragile ego and the self-esteem.  But  it is still there under the "theology" of priesthood.  So what happens?  The priest spends years trying to deal with "his demons," by doing outside stuff.  His prayers are mostly words and thoughts.  He fixes up the church, changes the liturgy, rituals, buys new church or office things, hires new people and so on. And he does not like any priest around who might be more center stage than him.  So he likes being pastor.  All outside stuff.  But he does not do enough inner work that would tell him, his happiness and fulfillment comes from within.  If he ever discovers a more contemplative life, then there is hope that "more will be revealed," and he will cease to focus on all the outside stuff.  How would I know any of this?  Well, I am an example.  Now I am nobody, doing stuff most of my church would find very secondary.  I am content, as long as I listen to the still, small silence within.