Upbringing

 I had a wonderful upbringing in the Catholic Church of my boyhood in the Bronx.  I did not know at that time that our church building was only supposed to be the basement of the main church that would be built atop of it.  As a child, my church was big enough for me.  I loved being an altar boy and knew all the priests.  I did funerals, weddings, incense and knew the Latin by heart.  But we moved to the suburbs and I drifted away from being an altar boy, and did not connect much with the priests.  Daily mass became only Sunday obligations.  Now and again I would go and sit in an empty church by myself in College.  After college I just drifted off.  No faith crisis.  Just a lack of faith practice or prayer or God anything.  In Chicago, the nearby Cathedral was undergoing constructive repairs, so mass was in a funeral home.  I rarely went.  I had memories, but they were but fumes of spirituality.  I partied harder and worshipped less.  But my Power, God, never let me go.  So I have to frequently now ask, “What do you want of me?”  The answer seems to be “Everything.”  I have never been good at a split life, Party/Pray.  I am best being all in.  The partying was taking me all out.