Do I want truth about myself, or do I want illusory bliss of my own invention? I am weak and so sometimes, ok daily, at some moments, I don't want the truth about myself, that I have faults, that I may be the problem and not the solution. So I go off into illusory bliss in which I am a super person of great success, perfection, always right, a winner, the focus of attention in the world around me. Of course it is not the real me, but it does pass time pleasantly. Growing up is not easy, especially if you did not do it when you were supposed to be growing up, like when you were a teenager or young adult. I was young, once. The adult part was way delayed. At times, being an adult still escapes me. It can be an elusive state. But the God of my understanding lives in the real. So if I live in the illusory, I cannot connect with this spiritual power. I pray each morning to live in the truth. I cannot work on my imperfections if I avoid reality.
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