35 Years Ago

If you think I am a wonderful and holy priest, than don't read on.  It will crush your image of me.  But for those who are a bit battered, imperfect, struggling, or addicted you can continue to read.  Thirty five years ago today, January 28, 1984, I came to in the morning with a hangover and an urge to commit suicide. I was alone in the house. I was scared.  I did not want to die, but I did not want to be in this body.  Fortunately, God gave me a gift at that morning moment: desperation.  I picked up the telephone and dialed AA. After that,  I contacted a friend who came over, and without judgment ( I guess she had already figured out I was a mess, but worth saving) she stayed with me to get me through the morning.  She called another person and he got me through the afternoon, no judgment.  Then I had the evening mass.  I was a bit shaky to say the least and gave a bad sermon, but it was short.  Then I had to go to a party of couples who run our marriage prep program.  They drank a little, but my morning friend was with me and I did not drink.  I stayed in the background.  I slept well that night.  The desire to kill myself had passed and it has not come back.  I never got drunk again.  In fits and starts, and a beer in Vienna, Austria, I got on a spiritual path that has kept me sober.  I had been on a spiritual path, but it did not keep me sober.  The gift of desperation, humility, honesty, and some service to other desperate people has helped.  I am good with people who are a mess.  I am lost with people who are holy, perfect, and seem to have no problems.  Maybe they are more like me, but hide it.  Anyhow, this is a good day for me.  I guess now I will have fewer readers.  I am writing this late in the afternoon, mostly for myself.  Life is good, but I have to work at it on a daily basis.