Taciturn

HOMILY NOTES

FR. TERRY RYAN, CSP

MATTHEW 14: 13-21

AUGUST 2, 2020

Why is this gospel referred to as “Multiplication of loaves and fishes,” since the word, “multiply” never occurs in any of the six versions of this story in the bible?  To focus on what Jesus is doing, is to get us off the hook about our need to change.  If it is about Jesus’ action then we simply say he is God and this is what God does, and I cannot do that.  God’s action is not the miracle to concern us.  The miracle is that the disciples gave up all their food.  Whether they wanted to do it or not is not important at this point.  They acted.  Action comes before conversion or change.  

Recall what people did five months ago when we began to stay in place as a response to the Covid-19 virus.  Many people ran to the store and bought toilet paper beyond their needs.  It was their response to fear, anxiety, and the sense that it is everyone take care of themselves.  There was no communal sense of one person’s action affecting badly another person.  It was hoarding.  Fear does that.  The disciples of Jesus have the same mentality.  They see a disaster developing.  They don’t want to share their meagre supplies.  They have the attitude that everyone is on their own.  That is why their solution is to send everyone away shopping for themselves.  

Notice, Jesus does not at first ask them to give up all their food.  He says they should give “some” of what they have.  No way for these disciples.  They hide behind their selfish solution.  Then Jesus ups the bar and asks for all their food.  Gulp!  This is the miracle.  They gave it to him, reluctantly, I suspect, and with lots of anxiety.  But they did it.  Don’t wait for good motives to do good things.  

I think about this is terms of “silence.”  In the Benedictine Rule, the Latin word often translated into “silence” in English, really means “taciturn.”  What is that?  Taciturn means that you refrain from speaking or saying something, that does not need to be said.  We could all do this a couple of times a day for starters.  What happens?  You allow for a little more silence to enter your life, and the life of the person to whom you were about to speak.  Will we find God with this extra silence each day?  No.  What we will begin to find is that we spend an enormous times talking to ourselves each day.  We find that our mind is an orchestra of thoughts that do not cease.  We have noisy insides.  No wonder many of us speak so much!    With these moments of silence building up each day we may get to reflect on our mind-filled situation.  We may begin to work on it, but most likely we come to realize we cannot stop all this clatter by ourself.  We need God, and this brings us to humility, a good thing.  With God we come to know why we are anxious and why we act it out.  Of course, some people did need a lot of toilet paper for a specific situation, but not all across the country in all the grocery stores.  This is all unreflected and powerful fear acting out.  

Back to the disciples.  They each get a wicker basket full.  It is to help them grow.  Learn to give it away, to share, to sense that we are all in this life together, not everyone for themselves.  And it could be that the basket is full of all their thoughts that need to be emptied out from burdening them into isolation or whatever brings them down.  If we can see our motives for any of our bad behavior and how such feelings control us, we might be able, with God’s help, to let go and connect with one another.  And that will be the Kingdom of God in our midst.