Unchanged Moves

I moved a few times always looking for a change.  I did experience change, but not the one I needed.  I moved from my NY home to a job in Chicago.  New place, new people, new things to do, were all change.  After two years, I wanted another change.  I moved to San Francisco and had the same changes.  I lived in Lake Tahoe area for part of my three years in California.  More change.  But it was not enough.  So I moved to the East Coast and the Paulist Fathers and that was a lot of change.  But in all this change, the one constant was me.  I was what needed to change, and it took me lots of moves to finally decide that place, job, and people were not going to change me.  I needed a spiritual not a physical solution.  In all the moves I had made I never got into the surrender of myself to anyone or anything.  I held on to old patterns, the familiar.  But when the familiar collapsed, I was left with a radical solution.  I had to change.  I did not know how.  The spiritual solution is one of surrender to a process, power, something beyond my control and comfort zone.  In the end, I had no comfort zone, so it was a bit easier to try something radical and different.  I stayed in the same place and yet everything seemed to change as I worked on me with the help of other people who knew a path of surrender, and action.  Enough for this blog.  Beware when you consider physical moves.  They won't fulfill everything and sometimes very little.