The Truth

 I am not here to be a monk but rather to experience the inner truth of who I am.  It is only being me that I can have a life-transfiguring relationship with God.  In the normal, everyday world I find that I am often who someone else wants me to be for their agenda. I can give it a respectful name, pastoral ministry.  But there is something else not fed by this “pastoral” me.  Much of such ministry has so much cultural baggage.  Weddings and funerals, anniversary events, reunions are so filled with a cultural busyness.  Very little is simple, much less quiet.  Every time I would leave here would disrupt from the rhythms of a life that is quiet, still, interior and connected.  Standing in the middle of a wedding reception with a collar on, black clerical clothes can be so isolating, the conversation so forced.  I used to be good at it and so things did not seem forced or busy.  But something happened.  I hope it was an invitation from the One, to come away and BE ME.  I am finding out this is not so easy, as a lot of me is a bit of the dark side.  But this dark side known always to my God, does not prevent Love from entering in.  How many people at church events, or any event, actually let people know who they are, as if they knew themselves?  So I will be here...until I am not.