The Look

 When I quit my job to go into the seminary I was living in San Francisco, a bit of a hippie place at the time.  What is a “hippie?”  If you don’t know, ask an old person.  Anyhow, I decided to grow my hair, grow a beard, wear tank top, tie-dyed shirts to show that I did not belong to the business world.  I was different, unique from the world I had just left.  When I went into the seminary I continued this “look.”  I was not part of the establishment church.  I was the “new breed.”  I have come to realize that what I was saying or doing was acting out that I did not belong, before anyone told me that I did not belong.  It was a fear I did not belong, that I dealt with by denying that I belonged.  I was really uncomfortable in my own skin, as I was later to find out.  Drink dealt with that from time to time.  Nowadays, I try not to make my outsides act as an escape my from my insides.  I deal better with the insides, and spend less time on outside outfitting.