Nada

When people start a spiritual practice, generally their motive is to have  "more" of something.  A good feeling, the sense of God or Spirit, peace, a good inner buzz, whatever that might be conjured up to contain.  Anyhow, many mystics, spiritual winners, say that "more" is not want you want.  No spiritual benefits  until after "more" is obliterated.  Yuck! you say.  But what is proposed along the path is that you reach a "Holy Ignorance."  More yuck.  But if you can stay in that moment when God seems most absent, the darkness will rest.  Trust God in any absence of God.  Isn't that what those recovery people say, "Trust God."?   

Darkness

 Darkness was never created.  It was just there.  In the beginning, as Genesis says.  The earth was not yet. There was just a formless void.  Nada.  Nothing.  There must be darkness before there is light.  "Let there be light," says the Creator.  God seems to be comfortable in darkness.  If you like Big Bang, the darkness was already there or here.  When the Divine went into human form, it started out in the darkness of the womb.  Darkness was the transition state.  So why do we hate darkness or fear it so?  Many people want God but only in their light.  Christmas midnight mass is spectacular for many people because it has so much light.  Easter Vigil much less attended.  Too dark.  Anyway, this is just another plug for meditation.  You are not alone in the dark.  God, Higher Power, Creator, Divine, One, Ultimate Reality, has your back.  

New Life

I hear people say, " I want to be raised on the Last Day."  The same people ignore darkness ands silence.  Electricity gives them lots of light and sound.  Before that there was lots of darkness and silence.  Those pioneer settlers did not fear the dark and the silent the way so many do now.  It seems that resurrection of Jesus began in utter darkness and silence.  It began in a tomb.  So you want new life?  Last Day resurrection or whatever you want to call it?  Better get into silence and darkness.  Don't babies start out in the darkness of the womb?  We are all in the womb of God, in the quiet and the darkness.  I seek my roots of life each day.   

Pay Attention

Jesus says "pay attention."  Notice the birds of the air and the lilies of the field.  No wonder we ignore the Spirit within.  We don't pay attention to the outer world.  It is not part of our space, our cyberspace.  In many ways then, we are blind.   With a partner, marriage, close relationship/friendship, it is the inner light that must pay attention to the other.  The outer light of the eye can see appearances, activity, but it is the inner light that sees what someone needs or is trying to communicate with words, actions, gestures.  "You are not listening," is what one says to the other, as the relationship is being strained.  "I heard you," is hearing with the ear.  Meditation might help us to tune into the inner light which can make human encounter quite a learning experience.  Some people pity the blind person.  But many of the blind hear the birds and smell the flowers.  And in their darkness, they love from a heart that lives in the light.  

The Lightbulb

Electricity, the light bulb if you will, got us away from the value of darkness.  For one, the outer light of electricity says it is the source of light in the night.  But in the darkness, before electricity, we knew the light was within us.  The indwelling light is what shows us the true way.  It may be why we close our eyes in meditation.  When we are not in touch with the inner light we tend to not pay much attention to what is really going on.  Outer sight  prefers appearances.  The bulb makes us lazy.  Appearances make for a superficial sense.  As Barbara Taylor Brown might say, you mistake such sight for perception.  A blind person is much more aware of what is going on.  They don't skip over things in a room.  They have to notice.  On a street corner they listen.  They are aware.  They are not looking at their cell phone as they cross the street.  The blind are quite likely to pay attention to the indwelling light.  

Transformation

Transformation is not meant to comfort you.  Ask Ken Wilbur. It is to dismantle you.  Jesus agrees: "Those who find their life will lose it."  The Christian seeks transformation so as to lose their life for the sake of Jesus.  It is in the bible.  It is the way they will find their life.  Given this, I suspect there are not many Cristians who seek such transformation.  Many people who take up religion want to get something, such as salvation, feeling good, or at least better in the moment.  With or without a religion, many people take up meditation to obtain something they judge positive without any loss along the away.  'More" is the operative path.  I find that one of the best paths to losing oneself is through encounter with another person.  This is honest, free of judgment, resentment, or prejudice.  You let down your guard and enter into open honesty.  The ego does not care for this.  Ego holds on.  For the ego, transformation is for losers. 

Dark Emotions

 We don't so much have dark emotions, but emotions in which we have no skill or too little skill in coping.  Someone we love dies.  We are overcome with grief.  We try to escape it, avoid it, dose it with some intake into our bodies, go to the gym, or just feel miserable.  There are grief groups that can help such a person to find the skill to deal with grief.  Grief won't go away, but we find out how to deal with it in a constructive way.  We learn to face it and learn from the emotion, the feelings of grief, loss, emptiness, and sadness.  We are not brought up, trained, to deal with the human condition.  Escape is for the unskilled and does not work.  Sadness does not deplete you. It is the energy one uses to avoid sadness that depletes.

Urgency Road

 Urgency is often the road to nowhere, but you hurry to get things done in the moment anyway.  We can become servants or slaves to the urgent.  It must be done now.  It is a slavery to being busy.  For the preoccupied, meditation is never urgent.  It can always be done later.  Except "later" never seems to show up.  This is why I try to begin my day with meditation so that I can free myself from the shackles of urgent that wait to chain me to the frenetic moment.  Happy Thanksgiving.  Avoid the frantic.  It is a gift to yourself.  

Surrounded

 The Sufi Saying, “Standing in the water, looking for the river,” reminds me that we are too often searching outside ourselves for something.  We cannot be present to the Now, as in Be Here Now.  We are immersed in, surrounded in the present moment by that which we seek.  Stuck in our thoughts of the past, future, fantasy, emotional instability, we miss what is present to us.  The holy, the fullness, Love, is within and around us.  We are standing in that for which we search.  Meditation brings us to where we can experience the river.  We are here, but then the mind takes off and we are gone elsewhere.  What moved?  

The Furniture

 Too often, religion becomes like furniture in a house.  It can be expensive, pretty to look at, and comfortable.  But in itself it does not build a relationship that feeds the heart.  Some homes are very beautiful, but there may be less love there than in a simpler, or even seemingly almost barren space, like a cave or a hut.  A lot of “teachings about” a religion are really furniture for the mind.  The relationship with the Divine, a transforming one of love, is done in emptier settings in which the mind is ignored.  A non-dual relationship with the Holy does not need thoughts, images, scenery.  It needs mostly surrender, silence, solitude, and time.  Declutter your heart and rest in the darkness.  

Belief

 Generally, when young people, say up into college age, pursue religion, they are interested in “belief” as in items of dogma.  They seem to be less interested in the meditative aspect of a religion that might build a relationship with the Divine.  In recovery programs you might find many people who don’t believe in a God, as an item, a thing, but they are interested in meditation.  So in a religion “class”  for young people, the focus is on whether something is true or not, e.g. Virgin Birth.  Students want to know that they have chosen the correct religion.  If they cannot buy into the facts, the dogmatic items, then they leave.  Eventually, the knocks of life might bring them back to look for something to feed their heart.  Dogma did not do that when they were younger, and they did not know the emptiness of heart that can come with time.  

Sabitity

 One of the ways in which I know that I am in good emotional balance is that I see the similarities that I have with others instead of the differences.  If I am in a meeting or gathering and begin to do an interior inventory of those around me, pointing out their differences from me, then I know I am not in a fit spiritual condition.  Even if I prayed earlier that morning and read helpful spiritual book(s), I need to red-flag myself in that moment of judgements.  Take a time out from my mind.  Ask myself, “How are we the same?”  Then try to be helpful, positive in the meeting.  

Divided Body

 I started to jog again.  It had been a six month hiatus.  In that time I had walked a lot, but I think of running as “me.”  But not all of me agrees.  My mind says, “ I am a runner.  It is who I am.”  But my legs complain when I go out there to run: “What is this you are putting me through?  I am done running.  Go back to eating donuts, cookies, pie and die of diabetes, or cholesterol stuck in your arteries.”  My will says, “I don’t want to run.  You are washed up as a runner.  Read a book. Meditate and get holy.”  My lungs complain when I am running: “This is 8,000 feet!  No oxygen up here.  I am exhausted trying to get some air in and out of me.”  Legs, will power and lungs all are for dumping this running.  My hope is that eventually they will all come together and I will be a runner in fact as well as in my mind.  I try to avoid fantasy too.  Don’t get into dreaming about winning anything.  Just become a runner in fact.  

Insanity

 What I spoke about yesterday, and you may well have forgotten it already, is a form of insanity.  That is, things are going well and we expect, without any effort on our part, that life will stay pleasant.  The outsides change.  Weather, traffic, health, age, other people, they all are out of our control.  Yes, sometimes things can go our way without any effort on our part.  The insane thinking is that it will always be this way.  As if we were God in control.  So assume that you are flawed but that with a daily spiritual practice, what steps that may be, are needed to work on yourself, your insides, over which you can have some control.  The world out there may not respond or care for your guidance, your efforts, but the heart waits for attention. The outsides do not give you emotional stability.  Insane people think otherwise.  

Putting Off

 Sometimes we put off a good thing.  Life is going our way and we feel no negativity at the moment.  Feeling good, we postpone doing something that led to this serenity in the first place.  What we put off is for the purpose of not facing reality.  What reality?  That our shortcomings, bad behavior, and human flaws never really go away.  The inner demons never sleep.  This “Putting Off” can come especially when there is a change in our life: a new location, job, relationship.  The shift can affect our previous routines.  It is a slow motion relapse and soon enough it will gain enough strength to mess us up, take away those good feelings.  So why wait for bad stuff to happen again?  Stay with what worked to get you to a balanced emotional life.  

Stillfulness

I like this word, "stillfulness." My dictionary and spell-check do not seem to like it.  I do.  It is an attitude, a manner, a quality of lifestyle.  It is more than a counter to physical busy-busy.  It is also a quality of prayer in solitude.  I can still the body after a bit, but the innards might take all the technique I can engender.  But the goal is stillfulness.   There is a famous psalm refrain in the bible that says, "Be still and know that I am God."  Stillfulness runs through a lot of spiritual paths and practices.  So it must be important.  Even in a busy day, are there moments when you can be still, but let anxiety, fear, resentments keep you agitated?  Not moving, like waiting in a car, is not stillfulness.  I add this word to my spiritual dictionary .  

Dying

 I am dying.  I woke up one day and said to myself, "I am dying."  Depressing thought?  Well, maybe.  Depends on the response.  Suddenly the thought came to me, that I was not dead yet.  I woke up.  Biologically, I may be dying on that level, but I am not dead yet.  I am alive.  This day is a gift.  No one wakes up dead, that I know of.  So how do I live the gift?  As gift, I try to live in the NOW.  Not now I am depressed, but now in being positive and loving, caring, of service.  Love myself by taking time out to pray, a little exercise, nourishment for body and heart.  Then be a light for others around me.  Who knows how they woke up?  If they are in darkness, be a light.  You never know.  

Change

 Life happens.  Well, better it happens to you than to me.  I have trouble accepting that life happens.  Why?  Because that means change.  I prefer control, stability, power, certainty.  The only certainty is that life changes.  When I don't want the change, which is too often, I tend to blame, complain, have a pity party with myself.  Pathetic, yes.  I can temporarily get rid of all these feelings, life happening, in very self-destructive ways that are short-term.  Tried that in the past.  Disaster.  I became more pathetic and miserable and life was no different.  It was changing.  So I work on acceptance.  Acceptance is the springboard for me to positive action in the real world of change.  Sometimes, doing less in the moment is the better way to keep up with change in a positive acceptance mode.  

Stuff

One of the best things about moving is that you have to confront your stuff, the things that you bought, for instance.  Stuff goes into two categories: the things I need now and the things I never really needed or don't need anymore.  You no longer ski but you have ski paraphernalia.  This is an easy one.  But the harder stuff is the stuff you never really needed but bought to satisfy or fill some need or void.  You have four knit sweaters.  You bought a fifth one in a different or the same color for reasons that seems vague now, or that were meant to fill a void at the time of purchase.  Here, you now get a chance to look back on memory lane, or shopping to make you feel better.  Don't beat your self up.  Just be glad it is not the way you solve a void today.  That fifth sweater goes in the give-away carton.  I will be doing all this soon enough. 

Not Yet Old

 Something is not old if it keeps recurring in the present.  So why do my "old" thought patterns keep coming back or periodically return unexpectedly?  I think that it has a lot to do with a daily spiritual practice or the lack thereof.  If the heart is not fed, then negative stuff will return or stay current: such as anger, impatience, selfishness,  and self-importance.  The will is not strong enough to get to the innards of energy that feed these patterns of negativity.  I cannot just wake up and pledge to do good and avoid bad in my behavior and attitude.  Our promises have to go deeper to the heart and the only way to go there is with some spiritual practice,  that has a bit of silence, stillness and solitude.  Be with oneself for a little while without trying to think good thoughts.  Forget thoughts.  It seems in these still, silent moments the less one does, the more that gets done.  Must be some Power somewhere at work.    

Misery

 Addictions don't seem to respond to surgery or medication the way cancers might.  The medical world can do lots to be rid or put into remission lots of diseases and illnesses.  But addictions seem to need some spiritual steps.  Addictions can be quite cunning.  You may be able to survive an addiction with some program of recovery.  But if the addiction cannot seem to kill you, it just might settle for making you miserable.  So why go half-way and remain miserable?  If a surgeon said they would do a little surgery so we don't die, but will remain miserable, what would we say to that?  Yet so many addictive people do "a little," too little, and remain miserable.  Going to church once a week isn't going to make you very spiritual, and then you blame the religion for your misery.  

Laurels

 Many of us have heard the phrase, "Resting on our Laurels."  What it translates for me in my life is, "I am fine, thank you.  Leave me alone."  Maybe I did some work on myself and now I feel better than I used to.  But that has proven to not be enough.  There is such a thing as emotional and spiritual sanity or sobriety, in some circles.  I might feel fine, as I say, on the outside, but the insides are not at peace nor am I free of emotional eruptions, waiting to happen as my plans fail me.  This is all false pride mixed with laziness.  But rather than wait for some upheaval of the heart, I try not to rest on my laurels.  I keep trudging each day.  No one stands still in emotional sanity.  

Embers

 If you are indifferent about the suffering of the world or your own demise into misery, take heart.  All is not lost.  Indifference is better than not caring at all.  Indifference has the embers of caring that can be relit at some time down the road, near or far.  There is caring but doing nothing positive about the situation.  This rubs close to indifference.  There is hope for change.  Not caring, you make no attempt.  Indifference, you make some attempt now and again.  Addicts who want to get sober but don't do much are indifferent.  Attempts are made here and there, but then indifference takes over.  "Maybe next time," or "Maybe I will do something about this or that in the future."  People who are indifferent about God or spirituality actually have a spark of interest, or maybe embers of interest.  Don't give up hope for them.  If you are a grandparent who bemoans your kids or grandkids not going to church, maybe they are indifferent as oppose to not caring?

Silence

 What is the purpose of silence in our prayer?  It makes room for encounter.  You rid your prayer of words, ignore noisy thoughts, let the  imagination drift off from the tethers of your mind and find a quiet space.  Now you have room for the encounter.  With what or whom?  With the silence of God.  This silence is God’s primary language.  It is the wordless language of a desert experience, empty of our words, imaginings and thoughts.  The ego died with the loss of all that.  Now you can encounter your deepest self, truest self.  And find God immersed in you in this encounter.  Transformation is this experience.  Dogmas and rules require no such letting go.  

Basic Needs

 Many people do not recognize their basic spiritual needs, and so they do not know the cause of their suffering.  Early in life we are more often goal oriented, such as school, career, partner, family, home.  It is somewhat more outward.  At some point there is this, "not quite enough" sense in our life.  Futile non-solutions are tried out.  They fail to fill up the "empty" in us.  The spiritual solution, if we stumble onto it, calls us into a desert, to confront our shadow, the darkness that developed from our interior life being ignored.  But within the darkness is the light that will set us free.  Unless we confront our own demons, our past that is unacceptable to us, we will demonize others and the world around us.  Resentment and self-pity just adds to the mounting suffering within.  

Ego Death

Many people have a dualistic view of resurrection.  They think in a way that the ego never dies.  This would mean that God awakens us somewhere else into a distant future.  You don't become one with God.  The ego cannot be one with anything else but itself.  It is always living in duality, ego and God.  It would be a resurrection of the ego.  Rather, I like to think of resurrection as into a transpersonal unity with God.  Jesus said, "The Kingdom is within you."  Non-duality, Oneness, is always within me but in this life the ego gets in the way.  Mysticism touches on the truth of this inward reality and then we begin to see the world in a more holistic manner.   A bit of heaven on earth.  

Solitude

To be a person who likes solitude as part of their spiritual practice, it does not mean that you cut yourself off from the world.  Yes, in some prayer you are in solitude and you appreciate your alone time.  But it allows you to be able penetrate the everyday of your world and find God there.  You withdraw from the everyday so that you are led back to the everyday, but with a depth of connection and insight.  The same is no longer the same.  No one climbs a mountain to sit forever on the summit.  But you will never be the same from the summit experience.  Escape from the world is not mysticism.  Rather, you begin to see unity with all things in a new way.  If I am in a monastery to run away from the world, I am here for the wrong reason.   

The Pace of Wellness

 One of the gifts that God gives to people in recovery or in any spiritual path, for that matter, is not getting “well” too soon.  People are attracted to anything that has a quick fix.  Drugs can do that, but such is not wellness, just diversion and detour for the moment.  Wellness, recovery, spiritual development that is truly transforming takes a lot of time and this is good.  Time allows for depth, for change in perspective, for actually becoming of service to others.  The slow progress keeps us coming back or staying with the whole program, process of change.  With time we realize it is an ongoing process, never complete.  And to stop is to go backwards to where we were when life was a mess.  Carry on. 

The Rosary

The rosary is the book of the blind.  Some people cannot read the Bible or much of anything else.  They may be blind, or illiterate, or something else. The rosary is a prayer for everyone.  You don’t have to go anywhere, in case you are debilitated or a shut-in.  You don’t have to be especially good to say the rosary.  It is relatively simple to memorize.  It has a mantra quality.  And you don’t have to finish it.  You can stop whenever you want and just sit in meditation.  It is one of those Catholic things that is so practical and is for everyone, not just Catholics.  It has scripture scenes upon which to meditate, if you want.  You can say it walking around or sitting in a park.  Some people say it if the sermon is long or irrelevant.  Never while I am preaching!  While you never know.  

Wanting

 A very hard concept to grasp in meditation, is the idea that as long as you want spiritual progress, it will not happen!  The wanting is an act of the will.  You need to let go of any focus on the will.  For one, we don’t really know what spiritual progress is.  Not for our individual self, and God is unique in the one on one relationship with each of us.  We have wants to get to heaven, be good people, and so forth.  But the depth of spiritual progress is about awareness, insight.  The “Aha!” It is not about being good, or getting things done.  It is a way of being that will underly all your day.  It is an awareness of non-duality that permeates in all your activities during each day.  You don’t forget or put aside this awareness when you are about getting things done.  You do and act with this awareness.  Just practice the prayer, a lot.  

All Saints

 Each one of us is a unique expression of God.  God expresses the divine, the True in so many different ways.  Sometimes I do not let this God-Expression shine forth, or at least I think my behavior so dense that God does not get through for the world to experience.  But I am working on that in my spiritual practice.  I try to pray, meditate, read, first, early in my day and then my negative stuff loses its power.  In my tradition today is called "All Saints Day."  Each of us are walking around as expressions of God.  No two of us are alike, yet all Saints in the making.