Lately, I have come to realize that God is a "Project" in my life, more than a relationship. A relationship is ongoing and in contemplative practice, it becomes background amidst other daily tasks or projects. A project is something that I work on at various times and then put aside as I move onto something else.
I set aside times for "contemplation" and then move on to something else. I seem to try and turn on a switch during my contemplation times, and my other prayer times. In those segments I turn to God and expect that now we will have our little meeting. The silence that comes before and after those times is not so much allowed to be filled with the fruits of prayer, as it is filled up with thoughts about everything else but God. God is supposed to function in those slots I give for "Prayer."
As I write this blog, I am staying prayer connected, that is, in touch with God, as in a relationship. Yet my will wants to read a novel or order something I need on the Internet. At times, I turn to fidgeting about some work project or plans for the future all of which could wait until some other moment. It is sad to think of God as just a project. The good news is to know it, and to know that God knew it all along and still has not given up on me.
So now I don't try so much to turn on a switch during my centering time, as try and keep open to the Presence in the opportunities that are given me to be in silence during the day.