Monday, February 20, 2017
What is normal for me? When I say my day is "normal" what does this mean? I have come to realize it means my day has in it only those things I can control. it seems I allow into my life on a regular basis, only those things that are under my control. If I cannot control something, then it is not going to get into my life on any regular basis. The things that bring fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, whining and so on, are "beyond normal." They are abnormal and judged as such. OMG! I am a control freak. I get stressed at the thought, much less the actual event, of something new or unusual. I may really enjoy the new, when it occurs, but I go into it with apprehension. My thinking is, "If it is not the norm, something will go wrong." The madness of Love and falling in love, is what gets us to go in new direction with a new person. Marriage? Yikes! You have to be in love to do that. Sometimes, when we look back on something that we did, we say, "What was I thinking?" Not much, I suspect. It was feelings that energized you to take a leap. On the other hand, if you are fear based like me, too much thinking will only get you stuck. For me, feelings have a place. Some of the best things I did were when I said, "It just feels right." It works for me when I have a spiritual connection. My brain is somewhat more broken than my heart. But I am an Aries. Fire sign.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Someone talked about having "Cadillac Problems," that is, a higher quality of problems than they used to have. I can relate. My problems now are in part because I have a job, a place to live and keep up, health sufficient to exercise, healthy supportive relationships and discretionary funds. It was not always like that. I remember being unemployable, or looking for work and not finding any, or working for very low subsistence pay, having a place to live that I could no longer afford and health issues due to bad diet. What changed? I think it is me. I found a spiritual way/program/guides that gradually changed my problems from serious to ordinary. If I can remember the bad times, I will be in a better mood and acceptance of the "Cadillac Problems" I have today. My new way found a God who loved me even when I did not quite so love myself. A rocky past can keep the present in a good balance.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
What do old friends talk about? Bowl movements! OMG. You know you are old and have a really good long time friend when this is the topic you can discuss. Right now this would be a serious topic for us old folks. On the other hand, we seem to laugh at what we thought were serious problems when we were younger, such as leaving a purse or wallet in a restaurant or store. The point? Serious, anxiety-ridden, frightening problems most often become laughable years later. Rarely do current serious problems stay either current or serious. So why let your current serious problem get you all twisted up? If you can let go a bit from your own "disasters" you might have energy to be of service to someone with a real ongoing problem.
Friday, February 17, 2017
In the movie, "Fences," Troy is very defensive about his taking care of his family with food, shelter, a steady job, and being home every night. He lets everyone else know that, though in his own angry fashion. He feels unappreciated in his Herculean success. Some people, from other cultures, would look at this and say what is the big deal? Isn't this what is expected of a husband/father? Not in Troy's world. In his world he is special and unique. The culture he grew up in, men did not make good fathers or husbands. Even Troy has three children by three different women. He cheated on his present wife. But to him it all makes some sense because he did so much more than African American men he has known. Though he thinks he is better than others he is a bitter man. He never abandons his children, though he might make them know they owe him something for his being physically and economically there for them. Emotionally, not so much. Don't we all need to let go of slights, hurts, prejudices lest we give all our emotions over to our wounds and have nothing for others? Fortunately, in the end, Troy was not judged by God, as it is intimated in the movie that Troy got lifted up after death. God is always forgiving and compassionate. Those are two things to practice if you want to free up some emotional energy from a twisted past.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
In the movie, "La La Land," each of the main characters, in love with one another, are unable to make a total commitment to their relationship, because they make a total commitment to their career goals. They succeed in reaching their career goals, their dreams for personal success, using their gifts and talents. But at what price? What is the loss? Mia says, before she goes off to Paris for her big break in movie acting, "I will love you always." I suspect she is right about her feelings. Did you ever give up a great love, for work, career, dream or geographic? Mia and Sabastian did. In the world's eye they are both very successful and fulfilled. They have that. I ask myself, "What is my great love?" "Who is my great love?" I think I know my who and what. When I get up in the morning I need to attend to my heart early on in my priorities. The heart holds my truth. This truth need not be a dream I pursue, but a gift I have discovered. Love is gift. For me it has always been a person. For me, prayer is always a kiss.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
I hope you had a Happy Valentine's Day yesterday or at least were not miserable because of it. If you had expectations and they were not met, remember they are your expectations. And God loves you. If you don't believe in God, then remember I love you. Thank you for reading my blogs so faithfully, though they can be strange at times, like the mind that writes them. If you did not read them, I would not write them and all these thoughts I have would have no place to go. 😇 I am on an airplane to New York City today to talk about prayer of quiet and stillness. God has my back, so I will not get lost...Right God?
In the movie, "Hidden Figures" you notice that the black community has big picnics outside church after services and when they dance, it is in homes. Restaurants did not want these African Americans, nor were there dance halls available for them. The after church picnic also served as a way for boy to meet girl in a safe environment, daylight and no drinking. In the workplace, the genius mathematician was a woman and had black skin. Her colleague and immediate supervisor, did not like that she was there for both those reasons. He was white and male. But another problem, and one that he could change was that he did not just want to do his work. He wanted to be the best at it, not his best but THEE best. A black skin woman just shattered his need to be the best. I think that I try to be the best I can be, but don't worry about being the best of everyone. So I don't mind when I hear a person who is a better preacher than I am. Or someone who is better versed on a subject that I study and teach. I only need to be the best I can be, and these other people may have something to teach me that will help me to improve me. This way I think that everyone else gets the chance to be their best and does not end up a "hidden figure." There really is a better preacher than me? Quiet ego!