Monday, April 23, 2018

The Less You Know

Sometimes, the less I know about a situation, the more likely I will choose it.  For instance, I chose to come to the monastery yesterday to have some monastery time, help out, be with the brothers, and so on.  A real spiritual high so I thought.  But I did not know about a few things.  For one, my bathroom next to my room had the water shut off due to a leaking pipe.  Two fights down stairs and a long corridor is the next bathroom.  In my room, my chair is missing as is my blanket that was on the chair, and a table was gone.  The monk who will sit next to me in choir is at death's door with congestion.  Knowing me, I would simply have bailed on coming up here and decided to find God in a more convenient fashion.  But I am meant to be here, so it is right that I not know things that would have kept me away.  This will be a good in spiritual experience for me if I stay open, practice acceptance and life on life's terms.  Think about your partner.  You say, "If I had known what I know now, I would never have married this person."  But it might be the right person for you with all their flaws as you judge them.  The career you took, the home in which you live required decisions based upon some ignorance or else you would choose nothing.  I will be in great shape after this experience at the monastery because every time I want to go to the bathroom I will have two flights from my room and we are at 8,000 feet altitude.  I'll practice non-whining.  Fat chance.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

To Choose

When making a choice do we ask the right question?  Such as? Well, say you are choosing a church or society or group.  You probably ask, "Is this the right church or group for me?"  If you think that you are the one doing the choosing, then this would be the right question.  But a lot of us are too damaged from past life scars to make such a choice.  We might be too selfish, or afraid, or prideful.  Plus, what if we are not the one with the power to choose?  Maybe the right question is, "Is this what God has called me for?"  "Is this God's choice for me?"  If we make this the question, then when things are not going so well with the group, church, or society we joined, we don't blame them.  We don't try to fix them.  If God chose the group, then it is the right group and we are the ones who need to change.  When the group is supposed to fix me and make me happy but I don't have to do much otherwise but sign up for membership, then I tend to drop out of things.  Groups are not magic.  They support me, direct me and help me when I ask for help...for what?  So that I can do the daily grind of becoming all I am supposed to be as an adult human being.

Saturday, April 21, 2018


Two things about Judas that a lot of the world knows nothing.  First, Christianity never declared Judas condemned.  Second, he may not have hung himself.  In Acts of the Apostles Judas bought land and fell headlong, bursting open his middle and spilled out his insides.  Sounds gruesome yes, but not necessarily suicide.  Another scriptures says he hung himself.  But whatever, he is not condemned.  Maybe God's mercy is able to overcome our sinfulness.  But Judas might have given up on himself.  When I am really bad and see no way of reversing it by my own power, I try to remember to turn towards God's mercy and unconditional love.  I may give up on myself but not on God's power and love.  While I may be killing myself slowly by my bad actions, God's merciful love can compensate and save me from myself.  Such thoughts can save me and you from tying the noose.

Friday, April 20, 2018

The Miracle Boy

I am proposing my sister, Maureen, for sainthood.  I just found out that you can be declared a saint in my church without verifying a miracle or having a formal canonization ceremony.  So, as soon as Maureen gets out of purgatory, I am declaring her a saint.  Here is my proof.  Me.  I was a bad boy when she was my big sister in the Bronx.  I was, in her estimation, on the way to burn in the eternal fires.  But then I became good, or at least not so bad as to burn.  I owe it all to my sister who taught me all about being Good.  Though she might have been a witch, that is merely an opinion, she did know how to direct little boys toward being good.  Her two little boys, Fred and Chris, were bad too when they were small but they became good later.  That would make three miracles I guess, so my big Sis more than qualifies for being a saint.  I like to think of myself as a walking miracle.  And I owe it all to my big Sis.  Are you a walking miracle or have you always been good, or always been bad?

Thursday, April 19, 2018

I Miss You

The words, "I miss you," can be both wonderful and debilitating.  For instance, if I write someone and say, "I miss you," and they read it and think,"Terry who?" I would hear nothing back and that would be depressing.  But on the other hand, if I say "I miss you," and it makes a difference in the life  of the other person, that can be quite wonderful.  When I go away from Boulder for a while, my damaged mind begins to tell me, "They have all forgotten you."  "No need to go back there."  Then someone contacts me and says, "I miss you."  It makes me want to go back to Boulder and be with friends who miss me.  So you take a chance with such words.  They make you vulnerable.  But I choose to say these words and take my chances.  Life is full of chances, and the courage to take them.  But it is also the path to love.  San Francisco, where I am now writing this is quite beautiful and exciting, and no one is saying, "I miss you," at the moment.  I think I will stay here a while longer!😇

Wednesday, April 18, 2018


There is wisdom for all of us in the Twelve Step Spiritual Path.  Example: Step Twelve says that we "try" to carry the message.  The word "TRY" is key.  Success is never up to us. Effort is.  God is in charge, or in my Paulist spiritual path, the Holy Spirit is in charge.  I try, in prayer, and looking at the signs of the times to ascertain what the Holy Spirit might want me to "try."  If I had to be successful in everything I did I would be all ego and whining about things that did not work out as I planned.  Many of us would make no effort if we thought we would not be successful, which is to get our way.  A mother complained how she had "tried" to bring her daughter up to be good and proper, but the daughter did not turn out as planned.  The mother said, "What did I do wrong?"  Maybe nothing was done wrong.  We simply don't have as much power and control as we would like to think we have.  I try to write a good blog, but if someone says, "This blog is trash," I don't go to pieces over it.  Though my heart is maybe broken I say to myself, "I tried."  It is all I can do.  We all have limitations in spite of what our egos tell us.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Learning Today

I heard from Pre-School pedagogy debates, that some say it is more important for a four year old to learn to be a four year old rather than to prepare to be five.  That is, let them be kids at play and don't be so concerned about them being prepared for the next level, such as Harvard.  I am seventy-five.  I think that I will learn how to be seventy-five rather than prepare to be seventy-six.  Live in today, and play more.  Will it work for you?  Someday will be our last day, and I sure hope I am learning to live that day rather than being totally focused preparing for a next year.