Eventually

 I cannot relate to the little girl who has a vision of Mary and decides to dedicate her life to serving her God, doing good for people, becoming a religious and being quite pious.  That was never me.  When I was a little boy I was clueless and though I did a lot of stuff on the outsides, I remained clueless for another 30 years or so.  I can relate more to Jesus and Buddha.  They did stuff before eventually going into their “desert experience.”  I am an “eventually” guy.  Playing a role got old and I was not very fulfilled in it.  Outsides OK.  Insides, not so much.  I still do some desert time of silence and solitude each day.  I find a Power that keeps me in the right direction.  So if you are still in your “eventual” stage, that is, not yet you, there is still hope.  You can stop chasing something you were never meant to catch.  Be still, in quiet.  Ignore your mind, your thoughts.  Breathe.  You are not alone.