The Script

 I hear people tell me that a parent did not love them.  That is a pretty dead end relationship.  The parent, on the one hand, might be very loving but not according to the script we have for them.  We want them to act and say things according to our script for them.  On the other hand, the same people might be acting very badly, selfishly even, in the relationship with the parent.  I often suggest that such a person work on themself and not wait around for a parent to “change.”  I have found that often, when we change, the parent is discovered to be loving us all along, but simply not according to our self-focused script.  They even loved us when we were jerks.  We just did not know we were jerks.