Pregnant Power

 I try to keep sobriety, my spiritual practice, my priesthood, pregnant with God, the Power that sustains me.  Why?  Well, pregnancy is about the time and energy to bring something to life where others can experience it.  My meditation, for instance, feeds and nourishes this inner life.  How and when is it born into the world?  When I am of service without self-promotion, egocentricity, self-focus, selfishness to name a few of my shortcomings.  Give time and energy to others.  Maybe be part of their becoming pregnant with this Power.  Then they will be of service too.  

Advent

 I look back on the four weeks before Christmas, called “Advent.”  It means Coming.  I reflect now that it was not just about Jesus coming to be born in backyard shed, though it is that.  That alone does not change me.  What I see now is that every day is an Advent for me, being of service, spiritual reading, household tasks and work done well, are all ways in which this spiritual power that I call God in Christ, seeks to come to life in me. I might say, “I am too shabby, the wrong setting, full of sin.”  And so forth.  Well even if this is so, God came into a shabby manger in a shed.  It was good enough for God, so I guess maybe I am good enough for God.  And so are you if you give this Power half a chance.  

Hell

 There is this part of the Christian Creed that says, before Jesus rose from the dead, he descended into hell.  Resurrection is a handful of belief for many, but what is this about going to hell before heaven or resurrection?  Just ask anyone who has been through a deep conversion experience from darkness, mess, onto the path of love.  A deep conversion experience is one that knows hell and has experienced their own resurrection to a new life.  They did not do it on their own.  Just ask anyone who is a recovering addict.  Not a dry or abstaining addict, but a spiritually recovering one.  Recovery is packed with spirituality.  Ask a one-time atheist or agnostic who has found a God of Power in their life and a worship place, tradition, to deepen the connection.  They all knew hell and it was there that they were found.  Now that is a powerful Power. 

The Why

I hear people say that they began to practice meditation so that they could get to know God, or whoever they think is going to show up.  There is this so-called spiritual obsession with knowing.  This attitude says, “I will believe if I know.”  But meditation is not about knowing God.  God cannot be known by thought, the mind, science.  The reason to meditate is to get out of our own way, such as the obsession to fill the mind with knowing thoughts.  We are the obstacle.  But if we can let go of all our thinking apparatus, fears and such, then we allow God, the spiritual Power, to go to work.  The Power, God, is courteous and does not force itself upon those preoccupied with knowing.   

Silence

 In meditation the sign of a presence other than yourself is given in silence.  The presence shows up as silence.  That is why we are silent in meditation.  We want to be able to hear with the “inner” ear, the Presence, Power that is always within, but obscured by our loud busyness, worry, fear, ego and such.  Silence, like any language takes time and practice.  Give it that time each day.  

A Contradiction

 A good silence that is a part of meditation, can be both empty and full.  It seems like a contradiction but this is not so.  The meditation in silence is empty because you may have your eyes closed and all is darkness.  Or it seems empty of any activity. But then something, some energy, power, sense, feeling, seems to show up and fills the emptiness.  I have found this to be so.  What I bring to the process is patience.  Wait.  I don’t make the empty and I don’t make the full.  

Advice Giving

 I don’t bother telling people what they should do.  It is only my opinion.  So I simply tell them what I did and how it worked.  For instance, if I think someone would benefit from more exercise I don’t tell them that.  I tell them of my condition before I began to exercise, what program of exercise I did, and what happened.  I try to become an example.  I tell them of days I did not want to exercise and how I found some force or power to get me to say yes instead of no.  If I think someone would benefit from a conversion experience, I tell them mine and let that be it.  If I have no experience with something then where is my “opinion” coming from.  It’s like one drunk telling another at the bar late into the night that they should stop drinking.  

The One Step

 You hear the phrase “Step outside of the box.”  It seems to indicate a different way of living from a norm.  Well, some people on a so called spiritual path will put one foot outside the box but not the other.  Christians for instance say that Jesus is God, as they step outside the secular world of non-belief.  But then many of these same “believers” don’t put the other foot outside the box.  They don’t follow what Jesus said.  It is one step spirituality and one gets nowhere while a foot is stuck in the box.  Recovery people think they are stepping outside the box when they stop drinking and profess they will reform.  But they don’t do the steps.  They are dry but not sober and it won’t last even that.  They kept one foot still in the box and one cannot trudge the happy road of destiny with one foot stuck in the box.  

The Wanting

 In San Francisco streets I see a lot of people who need what I have, a more sober way of life than what they are living.  I don’t get frustrated by their not choosing to change, because my sense of their need does not yet match up with their wanting it.  They are not at the point where they want to sober up.  Jail, institutions and death await them.  Rehab programs and half way houses don’t work to sober someone up if they do not yet want it enough.  Desperation can be a gift if one lives long enough and able enough to respond to it.  So I pray and gently offer help.  They are a gift to me.  They are the reminders.  

In Tandem

 On my good days I try to pray that I can handle whatever is to be that day.  I don’t ask that everything go my way.  Maybe my way is not God’s way.  I figure that God is the Power that has my back and wants the best for me.  Just because I don’t get my way all the time does not mean my life is in ruins.  It might only feel like that, but I try not to live my life simply based upon what I feel.  Sometimes feelings are a bit too much attached to self-centeredness.  God has a plan.  Trust.  And live life on God’s terms.  

The Scrappy Gift

 A parent delights when their child gives them a “gift” of a drawing on a scrap of paper.  The gift is just seemingly lines/circles/dots here and there,  somewhat random even, but a gift nonetheless.  The parent does not judge or score the gift as good or bad.  It is what the child can do and the effort of the drawing.  The parent and child recognize their common family bond in the drawing.  So it is with our meditations/prayers/spiritual practices.  We might think they are too little or not done well enough for God.  That is our adult ego at work.  God is bonded to us and delights in the effort.  No judgment or keeping score on God’s part.  Just do it.  

Worry

I like to hold onto things that help me solve problems, live a better life in service and spiritual growth.   Worry is not something to hold onto.  Worry has never really solved anything for me.  And it saps emotional energy.  So I turn it over to God.  I let it go rather than tell myself to stop worrying.  I feel God is part of the energy in my “letting go.”    Trust.  Let God worry.  People tend to hold onto stuff they don’t need or are no longer of use.  Such stuff is in their garage or their fearful heart.  Bad places for storage of such stuff.  It is not that I don’t try to solve problems.  It is just that I don’t worry about solving problems.  Saves energy so I can write blogs.  

Fitness

I do a lot of regular physical fitness things.  Some weights and walk/jog, elliptical, spin bike, that sought of stuff.  But when I die it won’t really matter how fit my body was.  So I don’t replace prayer with exercise, or work, or social engagements.  Prayer must have a high daily priority in my life.  If there is an “eternal after-this-life,” my fit body won’t be much use for that journey.  Prayer is my spiritual gym.  

Talk Is Cheap

 I have heard someone say, “ I wish I were as good a speaker as so and so,” in a meeting.  I sometimes feel like that when listening to someone preach.  But I keep in mind that I sometimes can sound quite good, but in fact am not “walking the walk” all that well.  Talk is cheap, as they say.  Progress, not words or thoughts well put together, is important.  So I work on my progress and try not to worry about how I speak in public.  Spiritual progress can have a lot of silence and very few words.  Progress is action.  

Sandbox

 When I was small my Mom used to take me to the sandbox in a nearby Bronx Park.  I loved the sandbox.  So much fun and things to do and other kids with whom to do them.  The “sandbox” time reminded me that everything was new and interesting, worth exploring.  Then I got older and lost that simple sense of awe in everyday life.  I took things for granted.  Less awe.  The sandbox would always be there as would the tree or the flower…until they weren’t.  Recovery and the spiritual path can be like that, awesome at first, discovering new things and people.  Then we “grow up.” We get too busy.  We take things a bit for granted, like recovery and a spiritual journey grown tepid, lukewarm, and then…not there.  Who left?  

Adding Up

When I go walking or jogging, I can see the distance I have traveled or I can record it on my iWatch app.  So I get a sense of accomplishment and a good physical feeling from the exercise.  But the inner journey is not so easy to record “progress.”  I sit in meditation for a half hour.  Sometimes feel better, sometimes bored or restless.  Am I making any progress?  How do I know?  My watch is useless except to say how long I have been reading spiritual literature or whatever the inner journey work is.  No single time tells me much, but over time, with consistency, I see progress.  It is how I begin to live my life more virtuously.  

Suggestions

 Someone suggested once a long time ago that I do something.  I thought since it was a ‘suggestion” I had a choice, an option.  He said I had the option of living or dying.  So I asked then why he had said it was a suggestion instead of a must?  He said, “Because you are too stubborn and insane to follow a must.”  Well, I did not want anyone to think me insane and stubborn, so I did what he “suggested.”  Later, under self-examination, another “suggestion,” I discovered I was indeed insane and stubborn.  And a lot more.  So now in my spiritual practice I take suggestions very seriously.  I suggest you do that with my blogs!!!

Snooze Button

 Do you ever find yourself hitting the snooze button when you are told to wake up?  “Wake UP” and change your life!  The snooze button says, “You are right, but not just yet.”  My thought of becoming a priest went on for some years.  I did not simply say no.  And then forget about it.  I hit the snooze button.  It puts off waking up to a new way of life.  I am the sort of person for whom big changes in life are usually preceded by the snooze button.  Some days I just force myself to show up at something, a meeting, an event, because I know that I want to press the snooze button, which will only prolong mediocrity.  I am not so much a good person as I am someone who fears the slippery slope of mediocrity.  

Listening

 What is the purpose in trying to listen in meditation?  Well, one purpose is to prepare you to be a listener for others.  Being a good listener is a gift.  People don’t always want to be told what to do to solve their problems, or not at first maybe.  They want to be heard.  It shows you care.  It takes patience even if you know what they need to do, or think you do.  Listeners learn to make “suggestions” rather than tell people they must do this or that.  And if God does not seem to give you answers bingo right now, maybe it is because God is a good listener.  And you might not be ready for a power greater than yourself.  

Me First

 If you want to be strong enough to take care of others, you need to take care of yourself first.  If the soul gets no fuel, it burns out too quickly in trying to be helpful to others.  Without some spiritual practice, reading, meditating, some exercise, our good intentions start strong but soon whither to resentment and whining.  People become a burden, rather than a gift.  Being of service becomes a weight too much to bear.  And what help are you if you do not care for yourself?  Not much of an example of healing, and recovery or practice of your faith if you ignore your own journey.  

Dark And Cold

 The warm days of summer and the colors of fall in sweater weather are gone.  Winter is strong, cold and dark.  Winter is important because it tells us to wake up when we just want to hunker down and sleep more in the long nights and cold winter mornings.  Nature tells us here in our northern clime that waking up to spiritual necessities and fullness is never easy.  It is not meant to be.  If it were, we could do it with our own power, but such a will is seemingly too weak in winter’s power.  So we need another power.  And there is one that quite possibly made the winter in the first place, as well as the other seasons in our 23 1/2 degree tilted earth facing the sun.  I meditate, sit quietly, let my thinking slow, and allow this Power to work on my weakness.  As the whining lessens, I know this Power is at work and I am becoming not just whole, but replanted for Spring growth.  

Presence

 Happy New Year!  For a New Year Resolution why not make your physical presence something you will do.  Like what?  Service work, being helpful type meetings.  Presence is a gift you always have to give.  You think you have nothing to offer?  Your presence is a value.  A new person might come in and just knowing there are other people there might encourage them that they made a good decision.  Or you might think going to church is a waste since you are not particularly holy, but just going might encourage another person who is hungering for spiritual something, that they are not crazy since someone else is there too…you.  I can go to meetings and say nothing, or “nothing much.”  That does not diminish my value.  God is in charge.