Been Around

 There is a “been around date.”  It is when you first tried something but then dropped out and went back to your old ways.  People get baptized, or enter recovery programs, or start a gym membership and attendance.  Then they drop out, disappear. Go back to the “before” behavior.  I meet a lot of people why used to be in AA or used to be Catholic.  “How’s that working for you?” I might ask.  Whatever their answer, I suspect they will walk away thinking about it.  A correct decision to become more whole will not work without discipline and trust and maybe some humility to ask someone for help.  Initial enthusiasm or desperation can and will disappear somehow. And we can be a forgetful lot.  I keep this in mind on my own spiritual path.  Lots of detours beckon.  

The Gym

 When you go to a gym on a regular basis, it can be unpleasant at times.  Not a lot of people smiling with joy as they tread along or push weights, or bend this way and that.  The benefits come later, over time.  Prayer and a more selfless lifestyle also have difficulties.  Such is our spiritual gym exercise.  We take time for prayer.  It may be boring or seemingly difficult.  but we discipline ourself to take the daily time.  We try to love when it is difficult.  We try to give when we want to take.  In my tradition, some people go to daily mass during Lent.  They don’t always want to go just as people don’t always want to do their physical workouts.  It is all one day at a time and you are not in charge of the results.  They will come if you work for them.  

Making Space

 Transformation takes discipline.  But it is not the same as the discipline you use in athletics, academics, or learning some new skill.  All this is your effort that will gain something.  It all relies on you.  But this is not transformation as in a spiritual practice.  You don’t so much master something, as you create a space in which some Power, not you, works to bring about an interior change that will then affect your attitude, and response to life on life’s terms.  The outward depends on the inward and you cannot do the inward by yourself.  That is why prayer and the practice of being of service to others is all part of this process of transformation.  In Christian circles, it would mean becoming mastered to the Spirit or the mind of Christ.  To the Alcoholic in recovery, it means making space for the Higher Power.  

Birthday

 Today is my birthday.  I have had a lot of them, but never tire of this date.  My present to myself is to focus on the big, good stuff that I have and not on the small bad stuff.  This is sanity for me.  To reverse it would be to go down a darker path.  The good stuff for which I am grateful is that I am alive, and still have friends who put up with me.  I don’t having a craving for something unhealthy.  I have the strength and health to be of service to others, such as these blogs read by a couple of people.  The bad stuff is small if I can remain sane and balanced.  If little things get in the way of the good big things, then I know I am insane.  So I work at this balance on a daily basis.  Oh, and I look at the weather reports in Colorado.  I live in a temperate climate here in San Francisco.  So I cannot complain about “the weather.”  

Tyrant

 Would you put up with a demanding tyrant?  No, you say.  Only an insane person or codependent person would do that.  Well, alcoholics who are drinking, or addicts who are drugging, are putting up with a demanding tyrant.  Now you know something about the insanity.  The tyrant, in one case is alcohol.  At some point, it demands the alcoholic drink.  It even provides a craving to respond to this tyrant.  So if you run across an alcoholic in recovery don’t ask, “Why do you still go to those meetings?”  They go because it gives them hope, which is a path of freedom from the tyrant.  Encourage them.  Hope needs a daily feeding and watering, but not with booze.  

Humility

Why do I still trudge the road of happy destiny?  Or, why am I not more perfect, but still saddled with defects of character, and shortcomings?  Well, it might be for the sake of humility.  I teach about prayer, and write these blogs.  But I do not teach from success, so much as from failure to be what I talk about.  I know failure much better than sainthood.  Teaching and writing helps me to see my shortcomings.  I am not a hypocrite as long as I am the first one learning from what  I do.  I have learned that humility is at the very top of the virtues.  At least it is so for me.  

Time

Time is a tool, not a guarantee.  I wake up and think, “Today I will do thus and so.”  But then I don’t.  Will I beat myself up for not getting my plans, or goals done, completed, like an assignment?  You can beat yourself up at the end of the day, saying, “I wasted the day.”  Well, you did not die.   We learn to differentiate between procrastination and curiosity.  Getting side-tracked from your prideful plans, might be about looking into something or just sitting around, resting from accomplishments.  Or you found an old movie on TCM.  Is the tool of time for the purpose of putting a lot of pressure on oneself to get things done?  You may have a job for pay, but is it your whole life?  I do not retire from doing things, but I do retire from “Musts” as much as possible.  

Sainthood

 There is no guarantee “Sainthood” in any spiritual path, be it formal religion or recovery processes.  While we are alive, if we are on the path, we face our shortcomings on a daily basis.  We may pray that they go away, but they don’t.  Why not?  We are “working” our spiritual path!  Maybe a power that could take them away wants us to avoid false pride, this is, we are not better than, and so on.  On the positive side, a spiritual practice does seem to keep us out of any former disastrous situations.  So today reflect not so much on how far you have to go, but how far you have come.  

Perfection

 Perfection begins with surrender.  We surrender with all our faults and fears, and weaknesses.  It is the spiritual path.  Addicts in recovery learn this soon enough if they are to recover.  Faith is that surrender works.  None of us will ever be perfect, but the path journey has a beginning.  Recovery is in essence a gift.  It’s never earned.  Crush that ego on the spiritual path.  I meet some Christians who think that they have earned their holy communion by being good enough.  I prefer the recovering addict who is grateful for another day sober and alive.  I try to begin my day with some gratitude before I drift into any whining.  Then I ask what I must give up today of my own self-will before it goes into riot.  Oh, and then I do blogs, on my better days.  

Solutions

 If a solution to the unmanageability of your life becomes all consuming then you probably have an addition.  The solution is the addiction.  You cannot stop doing it.  If a solution becomes something that you do in the course of your day, so that you can live the rest of your day more sanely, then you are “living in the solution” but not dominated by it.  Going to a recovery meeting for an hour or to church for a service, or meditation for a half hour are all possible solutions.  One can take a good walk, but not walk till they drop.  Someone who runs themself in the ground is probably addicted to running.  So if your life is seemingly unmanageable, your solution might be the problem.  Ask any drinking alcoholic.  

Perspective

 To keep things right-sized, it is good to recall that we are mortal, that means not perfect and we will die.  When is this good to do?  When we make something that is really trivial, of great concern.  We promote the trivial.  I think some of this is fear-based energy.  We really have nothing to be all that worried about, but we make it a big deal, to feed our fear based mentality and emotional mess.  Yes, there are important situations, but if we are fear motivated, we tend to pile up the important and get all stressed out.  Drink, drugs, food and sex, can ease the stress for the moment but those are not solutions.  They are escapes from reality.  We are human, limited, and will die without getting a lot of things fixed.  I try to replace fear with patience.  I will get a little done, and that will be fine for today.  Some things I will not get done and life will go on, and I will die without getting my vaulted agenda completed.  Live in today.  It is all you have.  And enjoy it as a gift.  

When To Start

 I have a blog reader who always seems to read my blog before I even post it on FB early in the morning.  She is up early because she starts her day the night before.  I meet people who tell me they cannot make an early morning meeting or early church.  I ask why?  Inevitably they went to bed late the night before.  Many people with good spiritual paths begin their day the night before.  Drunks who could not get up before mid-morning, now make 7 AM meetings in my City.  You can have a life and go to bed early.  My sister in Florida has a life and she gets up to watch sunrises at the ocean.  Learn from the winners.  

Being Wrong

 I like the right to be wrong.  If I give someone some advice I should say “this is what worked for me.”  What works for me may not work for them at all.  So I tend to stay as clear as I can in working issues of a spiritual path, that what I say works for me.  Or, “this has been my experience.”  If I have no experience then I am but quoting some other source.  Send them to the source.  When people come up to me and say I must do something to be on a good spiritual path, I know it is something that works for them.  But it may not be for me.  Advice can be wrong a lot of times if it is given as a “must.”  I have yet to meet someone who stopped drinking because I said, “You must.”

Hope

 What is “hope?”  It is a feeling.  An example of this feeling is when a drunk goes to their first AA meeting.  Their life is a mess at this point, or they would not have gone to this meeting.  The person cannot stop drinking.  Their life is spiraling ever downward in health, finances, and relationships.  They might even be homeless or near to it.  In their first meeting they understand almost nothing of what has been said, but a snippet or two gets to them.  “You don’t have to drink anymore.”  They are not looking for happiness.  Who can be happy no longer drinking?  But they hear that there is a way out of the downward spiral.  People greet the person afterwards and exchange phone numbers.  When this drunk walks out of the meeting, things are the same in their life, but EVERYTHING FEELS DIFFERENT.  That is hope.  

Happy Solutions

 Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  But will it be with corn beef and cabbage, parade or two, wearing of the green?  It could be that, but a lot of people will go out and get drunk today, and many of them just use it as an excuse.  They are drunks.  And they prefer to live in the problem.  I may think I have the solution, or the answer to that problem, but that does not mean someone in the problem wants to move to an offered solution.  There are other areas of life in which there are answers but people would rather live in the problem.  Why?  A big part of it is that moving to the solution means change.  Change so often comes only when there is no other way out of a mess, the problem.  I have to ask myself each day, if I want to continue to grow, what do I need to change today?  Maybe nothing, but I must be open to a vista beyond routine.  Grace will enter when I am ready.  

Results

 When I moved from Colorado to California as my official address, I went in person to the post office to request “mail forwarding” and filled out the form.  Nothing got forwarded.  So eventually I went on line to some company the post office hired to take address changes.  Nothing happened.  I have yet, after several months, gotten any forwarded mail.  At first I was frustrated but then I remembered a principle and it is that I am not in charge of the results, but only the right action I can do.  Eventually, all things will settle down.  Acceptance.  

Oxygen

 We need oxygen to stay alive.  People who are in recovery and those on a spiritual journey need prayer as their oxygen.  It keeps them going in a positive direction.  I like to keep this in mind when I think of “decisions” to pray or not.  Would I do the same with breathing or not?  I find that life is diminished if there is a lack of prayer in a day.  So I try to think of it as my oxygen.  Then I will not skip it!

Te Adoro

 The last words spoken in this movie are “Te Adoro” as two groups that hate one another help carry a dead body out of the schoolyard.  It is the first time they help one another.  Hate, in this case due to prejudice, leads only to destruction.  This is why forgiveness is so important.  But also, acceptance of differences can help to keep us from doing destruction to ourselves and one another.  I try to keep this in mind each day.  People have differences for whatever reason, but cannot be judged, hated, and even killed for such.  So what is the name of the movie?  Hint: Think Romeo and Juliet.  

Omnipotent

 Someone, a blog reader, gave me this quote: “I can do anything, but I cannot do everything.”  Ain’t that the truth!  I may have more gifts, or potential that you think, or I think, but I am not omnipotent.  I do not qualify as a god.  Me as god does not exist.  I can get my ducks in a row for the day, but I have a limited number of ducks.  I may be able to do something, but just not today.  Too busy does not allow for meditation or time for self.  We are not selfish if we cannot do everything.  We are delusional if we think we can.  Give yourself a break.  Everyone else will be better for it too.  

The Reservoir

 False pride is a reservoir that holds lots of our shortcomings and defects of character.  Meditation is the flood gate that releases enough of this stuff so that it does not overflow into action which hurts oneself and others.  Ego-centricity, self-centeredness, whining, resentments at not getting our wants met, all can do great damage to others.  Meditation seems to shine enough light on this, or at least a power/energy releases the acting out energy of this mess, so it doesn’t overflow into action which hurts oneself and others.  The bad stuff is cunning.  It hides out underwater, until it does not.  So don’t wait until you need to make amends for the damage you did.  Meditate each day.  

Smarty Pants

 The more one talks, the less the words are necessary.  I have found this to be true in situations where someone is sharing what they think is their wisdom or experience, covering up their ego-centeredness with “wisdom words.”  Ego disguised as wisdom always talks longer than is necessary.  The point is made early on, but the words keep coming.  The good thing about this is that it reminds me that I can use fewer words to get to my point.  Should I even have a point.  Silence out of fear is not a good thing.  Balance.

Hydrate

We come from water if you view the early wisdom of humans when the Bible Genesis story was first told.  There is no rain, and the earth is dry.  Then there comes a stream welling up out of the earth.  It waters the earth. And so now we have clay that can be molded and held together.  The Creator makes us out of this clay.  So we originate with water.  Hydrate, and not with alcohol which just dries one out.  And mediate.  Why?  Well, first comes the wet clay.  Then the breath of life is blown into us.  Drink water and meditate to let your original breath pace take over.  You will more likely have less stress, fear, anxiety and other bad things that come with not enough water and not enough spiritual practice.   

Water Ad Spirit

 If you look at Genesis Creation story you can see some real wisdom of humans a long time ago before all the modern science and development.  In the Garden of Eden there is a tree of life.  That is, life comes from a tree.  If you want life to continue then you have to have trees.  Cut down all the trees and you won’t have life.  Science says pretty much the same thing today.  We are all of a single piece.  Trees are part of our life breath.  As for breath, this comes from Spirit, or in Genesis, from the creator.  So meditation is when we focus on slowing down our breath to a more original, “normal” pace, instead of the hyperventilation of fear and anxiety of modern busy life.  So meditate and don’t cut down all the trees.  And things will go better for us all.  

Recovery

 I have heard the phrase, “When in doubt, do without.”  If you are addicted to something, it is best to stay away from anything that has even a wee bit of the ingredient.  If you have doubts, do without.  I try to do this with exercise.  If it does not feel right, then I stop, postpone, rest…that is anything but bull-head my way through a pain.  A day away is not going to end my life.  I won’t go to surgery because I rested too much.  

A Sign

 The possible sign that your life has become unmanageable is when you tell yourself, “the next time it will be different.”  The next time is not different, but rather worse.  Someone who runs and has an injury that requires rest and rehab, says to themself, in denial, tomorrow it won’t be so bad.  Tomorrow it is worse and the injury becomes more difficult to heal.  Alcoholics know this pattern when it comes to their drinking.  They deny there is a problem.  The next time it will be better behavior.  But it is not.  Sometimes, we have to reach utter defeat before we will admit that we cannot go on as we have been living.  My running does not get better if I run on an injury.  How do I know?  it gets worse.  

Fasting

 Lent is a time of fasting for some religions.  Well, AA is not a religion, but its members fast too.  From what?  From being too busy for a newcomer.  When someone comes into the room for the first time or first few times, they are yoked to alcohol or some other substance.  They lack sustaining friendship.  They are lonely and marginalized.  They lack a sense of dignity and hope.  They need to be noticed and heard.  This takes time.  Someone with sobriety does not rush out of the room to get onto the next busy thing.  They stay and walk up to the newcomer and welcome them, give their name and offer a phone number.  Now do church people, who believe in a God do this for the newcomer?  Generally, church people just talk to people they know.  The stranger is ignored.  The atheist and agnostic welcomes newcomers, but the believers do not.  May Lent be a time to fast from preoccupation with self.  

Little Children

 As we begin Lent, think about toddlers.  They can be fickle, stubborn and possessive as someone reminds me.  Why get upset?  Are we adults not often just the same at times?  As a Higher Power, or God has compassion on our ways, so we need to have compassion.  When Jesus said, “Let the children come to me,” we think of nice sweet child in first grade.  Forget it.  The child that came to Jesus might very well be one of those toddlers who squirmed in his arms and pushed on his face to be let go.  He was reminding his listeners to be patient and compassionate with people who are recalcitrant.  In Recovery Programs I am glad that people are alive at all, rather than judge them for not being the way I want or prefer or think they “oughta be.”  

Ashes

 In Old English, the word “Lent” means Spring.  Spring is a time for new life.  That which was dormant or seems dead, comes to life with new buds at first.  This is in our Hemisphere.  In my church we have ashes which we bless with the holy water in which members were all baptized at one time.  Anyone can get ashes on this day.  It is a calling to review or renew our life.  What needs change or upgrading or restoring?  How can we be of service to others who might be suffering?  Atheists and Agnostics in Recovery Programs practice a lent all year.  It is called the Twelve Steps.  Christian Lent is 40 days.  Recovery Lent is 365.  Go get some ashes today.  

Never Too Young

 I was talking to first graders one morning.  We talking about becoming your best self.  Now, getting an “A” or “100%” or “Excellent” on your work might make you feel you are at your best.  I told them about the St. Francis Prayer.  They are taught to memorize the “Our Father” and “Hail Mary,” but not the St. Francis Prayer.  So I quoted a few lines and said that getting a good grade on spelling and reading was only part of becoming your best self.  It uses the head, but the St. Francis Prayer uses the heart.  We become our best when we are concerned about another person and what they need.  Our behavior affects those around us.  If they are sad, do we ignore them or try to bring them some joy.  Maybe just listening can bring joy to another person.  I am not sure any one was paying attention.  Keeps me humble.  

Blind

 Most of us don’t think we are all that self-centered or controlling.  When we are such, but think we are not, it is called, “blindly self-centered.”  A way to check out our level of self-centeredness is to read and think about the St. Francis Prayer.  It is a favorite of people in recovery Programs.  They have come, through surrender, to the realization that they are all about themselves.  The St. Francis Prayer is a real jolt to people who want “more” of control, power, esteem.  Some people are so thick that they think by drinking more they will get more power and control.  But check your own inventory.  If the St. Francis Prayer jolts or embarrasses you about your own focus and behavior, than you might need a spiritual healing.  

Omnipotence

 Sometimes you might feel like you can do anything, feelings akin to omnipotence.  You might not be so aware of omnipotence as you are aware of wanting unlimited control and self-power.  You want more control.  To get that you need more power.  And so it goes.  This diminishes belief in any other power greater than you.  Not much use for a god or higher power.  If you don’t really have the control you want, and don’t become realistic about it, you create a scenario with you all powerful.  Alcohol is a great creator for becoming our own god.  You can drive drunk.  You can do rather unsafe other things, physical things.  You break your body, get DUIs and so on.  These are not solutions to giving up omnipotence.  Only surrender will do it.  Some would rather die first, and they do.  Today, I will try to accept my limitations, that is, I am a human being, not a god.  

Little Is Big In Small Size

In the Bible, this fellow Simeon is promised that before he dies he will see the Messiah, the King, who will fix all the mess, before Simeon dies.  Well, wouldn’t Simeon expect to see something quite grand and spectacular?  I suspect so, but what he saw was an ordinary baby with ordinary and poor parents.  Yet, Simeon believed that there was something grand in this small package.  And there is.  How big is an engagement ring?  Yet it is very grand and important.  How big is one more day sober for an addict? And yet it is very big.  Things don’t always look or feel important, that are very important.  So let us celebrate our great littleness.  And hello to March.