Comfort

 “ I want love,” I say.  Why?  Is it so that I can feel good, feel comfortable instead of anxious, fearful, lonely?  Well, then I am still all about me, my comfort.  Love is not about comfort.  It is about sacrifice.  If I am all about me, then sacrifice is “yuck!”  If the goal is my comfort, then companionship, friendship and especially dating, will be a mess.  The other person becomes merely a vehicle for my comfort.  I become a lousy listener.  I am not listening because I am thinking what cleaver thing I can say as response, so that you will like me and then I can continue to build on that to get the comfort I want.  Dating used to be all about me.  Relationship was all about how you made me comfortable.  Drinking made me comfortable, and the other person a casualty of this.  It was all about me.  Sacrifice did not sound so good.