Belonging

 I used to try and make myself feel that I belong.  It was not about actually belonging, but feeling I belong.  The reality often was that I in fact did not belong, but that did not get into my psyche.  If I walked into a room with a lot of people, I might feel I did not belong.  Instead of saying OK and leaving, I would do silly stuff to make myself believe that now I did belong in the room.  The reason I might continue to go to bad-fitting places was because I was not fitting into myself.  Without a spiritual practice, I was an alien to me, my inner self, truer self.  Now I tend to ask myself why I might even think of going to someplace.  To explore something new might be ok, but to try and be someone I am not is a losing situation.