Ashamed

I try not to be ashamed when I get angry or upset.  Self-shaming is an ego trip.  Why should I be better than I am?  And don't bury the anger so that no one knows and then might think badly of me.  I rather like to take a look at the anger and ask myself why I am angry.  Most often, I find that it is not a justified anger at some injustice.  Would that I cared about injustice.  When I take time to examine my anger, my becoming upset, I find that it is about fear of not having enough of something, or my plans going awry.  I am not getting my way, which is usually all about me, when I get upset about it.  I am not the center of the universe.  People are not acting according to my plans.  The world around me is out of my control.  Fear.  If I become a hermit, will I be free from being upset?  Anyway, shortcomings such as fear can teach me about myself in ways that will help me to be a better person, and not be so grumpy.  My friends like that, my being less grumpy.  When I am grumpy, they give me literature about becoming a hermit.  My friends lack patience.