Merry Christmas

 I wish everyone in blog land a Merry Christmas.  But if you are humbug about it, you might be tempted to be a Grinch.  A Grinch  makes Christmas bad for others.  Grinches work on their negative behavior.  So if are by nature a grinch type person, maybe try not to mess it up for others.  You are probably going to be with other people who are more positive.  This brings out grinch energy.  I try to be careful on Christmas because I am with others by the very nature of my work and relationships.  People who want to be happy on Christmas might have raised expectations.  This is fertile soil for grinch behavior.  So I try to watch myself and not let any “attitude” get in the way of their expectations.  Not every feeling needs to be expressed.  Today is a day for Grinch Recovery.  Hello Mr. Scrooge!  

Mother Nature

 You want to check on your standards of perfection for yourself?  Are they unrealistic?  Well try gardening as in yesterday’s blog.  Gardening, by its very nature does not go as you planned.  This is the norm.  So check on your response to things not going as you planned.  Acceptance?  Then you are well-connected with Mother Nature and your place in the cosmos.  You are not Mother Nature.  You do not have omnipotence.  You are not God.  This is the attitude of acceptance.  If you are not into acceptance you will know it by how miserable you feel and take out on others when the garden does not grow to your expectations, that is perfectly.  If you are addicted to perfection or have been taught to be, then maybe gardening is not a good idea.  If you are a recovering alcoholic you had better have a sponsor.  

A Guide For Anxiety

 You want to plant a garden for the first time, but you are prone to anxiety, such as a newly recovering alcoholic for instance?  Or you simply have anxiety whenever you try to take on something new, such as planting a garden.  Memory and anxiety about what?  Well, the difference between a perennial and an annual?  What gets planted in more shade or more sunlight?  What are the myriad names of all the plants available?  If you are newly recovering you might want to wait a bit on this gardening endeavor, but then again you are learning about sponsorship or advice from others.  I find that if you buy all the gardening items from a gardener and not on line, you get to ask questions, and write things down.  Gardeners know of your stress so they are patient.  They want things to grow and you not to give up.  You don’t have to be prefect because you always have the gardener to go back to and ask questions, things you forgot or did not know to ask.  There is CHATGPT but I would not use that as your sponsor.  Anxious people need people to help them. Ask any recovering alcoholic.  

Christmas Blues

 It is almost Christmas time for many people.  But what if you are suffering from the Christmas Blues.  You have no place to go, and no one with whom to celebrate with whom you feel close.  Why not go to a church that has the Christmas spirit of song and decorations?  Churches on Christmas Eve are at the top of their game.  They have the choir all primed, with familiar Carols and the place is full of decorations and lighting.  Midnight mass is rarely midnight anymore, so maybe 10 PM is the full worship time.  You don’t have to believe in anything.  There is no entrance fee or Belief test.  Just go and get a seat where you can see what is going on.  I have found it to often beat the blues and softens any loneliness that I might have had.  

Time

 There are different attitudes about prayer and they all have to do with time, the loss of it.  If you pray thinking it is a waste of time this is because prayer uses up time.  It is a surrendering of time that you don’t want to give up.  So you don’t surrender time to prayer.  You might rather surrender it to the internet or watching TV.  Someone else might see your surrender as a waste of precious time.  They would rather surrender time to prayer.  Prayer requires the letting go of time, just as does the internet and TV example.  So ask yourself, to what do you surrender your precious time, where you have a choice?  Addicted people have no choice.  But they do surrender sanity.  

Desperation

 Desperation comes in two forms.  One is that you run out of something and are desperate to get more.  The other is when you have had too much of something and cannot do anymore.  A drug such as alcohol might be a good example.  You run out of it and are desperate to get more such as when you are having a party or you are in fact addicted.  The other desperation is when you have had too much of the alcohol and cannot stop on your own.  You become desperate to stop.  The first desperation would be like Jesus at Cana when they ran out of wine at the wedding feast.  The second desperation is a true gift.  You have reached the end of the line for drinking, so you desperately reach out for help.  In the first case, Jesus was a gift.  In the second case AA is the gift.  

Bringing Together

 If you want to break down differences, separations, then sing together.  It is one of the reasons that religious services have music and song.  It is a way to pray that joins people.  Differences are diminished.  In recovery meetings people begin with a prayer they all say together and at the end of the meeting they join hands and say a prayer together.  Bonding is healing and part of the spiritual journey.  You can drink alone but you cannot recover alone.  

Hello!

 Saying “Hello” to someone living rough on the streets as I pass by them with their begging cups, or bent over with their hit of drugs, might not seem like much, but it is a way of connection.  They often live rough in about the same spot each day unless chased out.  I say hello on busy streets so it is safe enough for me.  If I keep saying hello, I might be making a connection.  Who knows!  It is a form of being there for someone who might seem not to care at all.  But a day might come when they want to get well, and I might just be the guy who always says, “Hello.  Would you like to get well?”  Their wanting it is key, and my being there opens the door.  

Maureen

 So I did a “Maureen” blog yesterday and get all these comments.  Everyone loves Maureen.  I tell people what a witch she was, and they all love her.  OK, she did good, but still.  What about my side?  Then it hit me.  I paint her from my point of view, which to think of it is painted in the shortcomings of a possible brat brother.  The lesson? Never underestimate peoples’ ability to see through your own one-sided view of another person.  We all bring our baggage to our opinions.  

Attraction

If you want to pass on or convince someone of a belief system or way of life, it might be best to do it by example rather than by words that that promote your “way.”  I remember my big sister Maureen being a forgiving person when I was a brat.  I did not think I was a brat, of course, because I was all about me.  But her forgiving me made me think, “Hey, she has been in Catholic school four years longer than me.  Maybe there is something to this religion.”  It did not make me forgiving or a better person all at once, but her example stayed with me until I was ready.  Pass it on by living it.  Action is more attractive than words.   

Love Wins

 You don’t have to be paralyzed by fear.  You can acknowledge your fear, that it exists, but then act with courage.  Where does the courage come from?  It comes from love.  And love comes from within the heart.  Fear is an emotion.  It can come and go.  We don’t control it, but then we don’t have to let it control us.  Meditation is a way to fill the heart with spiritual muscle so we can then act.  Courage is the response to the spiritual practice.  The inner life practice can calm us.  It sure beats oblivion, a short term solution.  

The Rich

 Why do so many people try to get the rich to act toward the rest of the non-rich out of shame and guilt?  I don’t think much changes with shame and guilt as the motive.  Look at Jesus.  He met a rich tax collector named Zachaeus.  Jesus was poor, but a fascinating person of great wisdom and interior insight.  Zachaeus was attracted to this.  Jesus did not shame or guilt ride the rich person.  Instead he engaged him and invited them to eat together in Zachaeus’ home.  Great idea says the rich person, and then he proceeds to do a lot of sharing of his riches for the benefit of others with whom he does business and the poor.  So try first to become a person of great wisdom and interior insight.  Meditate.  

The Poor

 When we think of “helping the poor,” why is it always about giving money for food, shelter, and clothing issues?  There is much other poverty right under our noses, gated community or not.  What about the divorced, separated, widowed and widower?  What about someone who has lost a child, or a sibling, or a career, or health?  All these are examples of loss, of poverty of some sort.  Why not call such people up and ask how they are doing?  And listen.  Alcoholics in recovery are doing this all the time because they know about loss.  They call one another.  

Guadalupe

Today is a big feast day in the Catholic Church in the United States wherever a lot of Mexicans live.  It is the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe.  It is when God, through a vision of Mary, the Mother of Jesus, said to the Mexican people, “I look just like you.”  We all like our God, Deity, Higher Power to look just like we look.  In our church in Chinatown here in San Francisco, the Holy Family looks Chinese.  The tourists are fascinated by it.  Look-a-like makes for a connection.  When people first go into a recovery room they need to see people who somehow look like them, to help with feeling comfortable.  If the faces don’t match, the stories of mess and recovery do.  Some meetings are only men and some only women and many mixed.  But the stories are what connect.  And the honesty.   

The Delay

 We live in “delayed times.”  The world is going to come to an end.  There is just so much energy and so on.  But it seems to be delayed, that is, like all things that are seemingly delayed, after a while we just stop paying attention or living as if there is an end to all this. Some people make lots of money and some buy lots of stuff.  None of this is going to stop the end.  And none of it goes with us when our end comes.  So, though I don’t get morose about it, or depressed, I keep it near in mind when making decisions about stuff, things, purchases.  When the monastery I lived at in Colorado sells, I will have to go back there to clear out my stuff.  Where will it go?  I am working on it.  

The Big Three

 You persevere in the face of the big three.  What are they?  Adversity, trial and temptation.  They all tell you to give up.  So you have to have some goal.  A person wanting to run a marathon has this as their goal.  To do it they must practice running, weights, stretching, eating and sleeping correctly and so on.  Such a person faces adversity, trial and temptation.  It is lousy weather.  I don’t feel like running.  A marathon is stupid.  And so on.  Plus, no one is watching you run days after day.  Consistency if often done alone.  That is why a group helps to address the Big Three.  People in recovery are running their own kind of marathon.  So are those in a spiritual practice.  

Reward

 We work for a reward, that is a paycheck.  That is the economic system.  You might love what you do, but if no $$ then you will do something else for the money to live.  And what you love becomes an advocation.  In recovery programs you work without getting paid.  It’s not slavery.  You are not forced or punished if you don’t work. Well, you punish yourself by not working since you will go back into your addiction that is destroying your life and the life of others.  What work?  You work the steps, 12, and you help others.  You get no paycheck in money.  But you do get a reward.  Happy, joyous and free.  

Judge Not

 Are you praying with your heart or with your head?  If you meditate with your head you will soon judge the meditation based upon how you feel.  Your good feeling is your head’s judging of the meditation success.  You will surely stop meditating in a short time.  If you meditate with your heart, you will continue to meditate through whatever happens in the meditation.  Why?  Because it is not all about you getting what your head wants.  Your head lives in isolation.  The heart lives in connection.  The head judges.  The heart loves.  You have a child? A partner? A dear friend?  They act badly?  The head says to punish?  The heart says to love.  Meditation will help you to keep the balance.  

Dull Sameness

 If you meditate to feel better or feel good, you won’t meditate consistently.  Why?  Because there are stages called “dull sameness.”  They come if you meditate, and go if you persist.  Then  they come again and go, here and there.  Why?  So that the meditation is not all about you.  Meditation is partly so that you will selflessly be of use to others.  So there needs to be stages in meditation where what your selfish self wants, it does not get.  The selfless meditator does not care about the dull sameness times.  This meditator persists through such times.  They want to be of service because that is what keeps them on track to live a fuller life.  

The Prize Fight

 Addiction is like a boxing match.  Every time you get into the addiction it is like being punched.  You fall down and then get up.  When you get up you have new tactics so that you don’t fall down again.  New tactics don’t work.  You get punched again, maybe differently, but still punched and you fall down.  Your adversary in the ring is powerful and sneaky.  But you don’t give up.  New tactic.  punch and fall down.  After so many rounds, you give up.  You surrender rather than be beaten to death.  The referee comes and takes you to a place of safety.  Follow the referee.  Stay out of the ring.  God is the referee and the safe place is the group of former fighters, all who have surrendered and learned a new way of living that keeps them out of the ring.  Recovery is retirement from the fight, one day at a time.  

The Judge

 There is the story of the unjust judge who callously ignores a poor widow.  She wants justice done for her so she can survive. But she is poor and has nothing the judge might want.  She cannot bribe him.  She is knocking on his door and he does not answer.  We think he is a terrible person right?  Well, think of God knocking on the door of your heart and being ignored because God has nothing your selfish, self-centered heart might want.  When people say they look but cannot find God, it might be because they are blind rather than God is absent.  Self blinds us.  

Indifference

 Indifference has its place.  If you have problems with things changing, why not embrace things with “indifference.”  That is, embrace them lightly.  I don’t mean people, but rather stuff, the things that fill up our storage spaces, attics, garages and basements.  We all have a vocation to love, and lots of our stuff does nothing to support such a vocation.  If you have a job, rather than a career, hold it lightly, as you may be sooner let go than you might prefer.  If you miss out on something for one reason or another, hold what you missed lightly, or with indifference.  Then it won’t so wound or bother you.  I think a spiritual path teaches us what to hold onto and what to hold lightly or with indifference.  Hold lightly the groups that might reject you.  

Serenity Stealers

 So you have any serenity stealers?  If you move to my state you will encounter more than enough of these.  Try getting a new driver’s license from the DMV.  Or finding a medical conglomerate that will give you a primary care doctor and take your insurance.  One medical complex said that I first had to find out if that my medical insurance would pay to that complex.  Maybe things have gotten more cumbersome over the years since I had lived as a resident of Colorado for so long in terms of doctors, insurance, and DMV card.  I live in various places and no one cares until I try to change the above.  So now I have doctors in various places.  And my spiritual life is geared to deal with serenity stealers.  

Imperfections

 Imperfections, character defects, can be burnt away by the fire of love.  But not our own love for our own imperfections.  It takes the power of God or a Higher Power than our own, to burn away imperfections.  Prayer, meditation, is what can kindle that fire.  God’s fire is always present and ready, but waits for our prayers.  We have to want imperfections to be burnt away.  Prayer is what can make us more entirely ready.  God’s work wants our cooperation.  So I work on my “entirely ready” attitude.  Meditation helps because my “entirely ready” is not always so entirely.  I trudge along.  

Presence

 I hear people say that when they go to a meeting they have nothing to offer.  They miss out on the value of being present.  Or someone might say, “Why go to church?  No one cares.”  Well, maybe your presence there makes people feel less alone, less weird since someone else is there too.  You never know when there might be another newcomer in the same place you are.  And just because you think you have nothing to offer a group does not mean that you have nothing to offer.  It’s simply just your opinion.  Show up.  Let God do the heavy lifting.  

Bless And Change

 As I enter December and all its events, my prayer is “Bless them, and change me.”  If I find people problematic, it usually means that there is something the matter with me.  Such persons can be a reminder to check on my own inventory of defects to see why I find them problematic.  So they become a blessing in my life.  I will work each day, trudging, if I must, on changing me for the better.  And I never can do this alone.  I need the God I celebrate this month, and friends who travel the same path of self-examination.