You might have your own version of God, or a God of your own understanding. This version might have been a great help to you. God adjusted to your version because you were desperate, powerless, or just bereft. Your version though, is not God. We all want our own version. It makes God have to do the heavy lifting while we can remain much the same in many ways. We want a "spiritual life" or "prayer" but we do not want God. Too much surrender. Prayer is a relationship. All real relationships require a letting go. God let go, and waits, while we hang onto the God of our imagination, our "ego thing" our there. We don't want God too close or intimate. This is why meditation is so important. It lets go of imaginary gods, and personal agenda on our part. It opens to the unknown, and surprisingly here is where deep love happens. You truly die to your old self. The seed must die to bear fruit. Bill W. says, "Abandon yourself!"
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Yes. I hope to be abandoned to that. That is a hard but worthy thing to do.
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