The Fifth

 You have heard about, "taking the fifth" as in not incriminating yourself in a legal hearing or trial.  Well, taking the fifth as in taking the fifth drink in about alcoholism.  It is the craving.  But the first drink is about sobriety.  What?  You tried to stop drinking, but your efforts are minimalistic at best.  A few meetings, a little reading, some gym work, a divorce, change of job or scenery, and you "celebrate" sobriety.  Then you take the first drink...again.  Sobriety became your problem, not your solution.  I have found that recovery is a lot more than staying sober.  It is a lot of work.  And I have to be selfless.  OMG!  It is not just changing a drinking pattern.  It is changing me and it never seems to end.  I may be a mediocre priest, monk, blogger, but I do not want to be mediocre sober.  Am I really a mediocre priest?