The Solution

I remember very early after Ordination, I was going to be the "perfect" priest, who would solve the problems of the church that eluded the mere mortal priest.  In time, I came to realize I was not even the solution to my own problems.  I did many good things, but my life would keep going sideways  if not slipping into the abyss.  Fortunately, I stumbled upon "surrender" as it applied to my situation.  I must give up seeking what I want and allow God into my life to show me what is best for me.  I was too self-will run riot too many times in my life.  While my goal was to fix the church, my way of doing it was to seek what I want.  Instead of being smart and wise, I was clueless.  I thought about this last night when I attended the Bill Joel concert.  It was my first time.  I recognized several wonderful songs but did not know they were his.  He is old and fat but can still deliver a full show plus.  The place was packed, a 40,000 seat baseball stadium and many of the people were young and knew the words.  I thought about all this. what kind of priest have I become?  What if I am the only priest in the whole 40,000 people, and with my three girl friends!  Having a wonderful time, swaying, clapping, waving my arms, singing and smiling.  I was happy, as in "this is me."  I don't think I am a bad priest, just an odd one, often a peg in the wrong hole.  Do you ever think that of yourself, finding joy and freedom outside of stereotypes?  I guess I am no poster boy for clerics.  But I would be a good listener and connector for Billy Joel fans, many of whom are the young that my church cannot attract!  And Billy is still going strong at 70, so I am not retiring from my misfit life.  I might even be helping a lot of people I will never meet.  Be you, but be sane.