You Could Not

Some people say, “I wish I did things differently back then.”  But if you are influenced by an addiction, you could not do things any differently than you did them in the past.  Addiction controlled your actions.  It is the nature of addictions.  It could be work, or food or drug or sex or internet, but whatever, it controlled your behavior.  I think the answer to the past, when you finally get into some recovery, is acceptance.  The past is done.  The present and future depend on the active effort at a spiritual solution.  The core of a spiritual solution is that you are no longer the center of your world.  When life and thinking was all about you, your goals, wants, fear, and attractions, it is called “bondage to self.”  The past was the best you could do in a bondage to self.  I try not to use up energy or time fantasizing about a different past.  It is just more escape from the work that needs to be done in the now.  You are not dead.  Use the gift of today.